Former Earthling
@former-earthling.bsky.social
Former Earth resident. Current interstellar expat. Native of Doomscroller IV.
Temporarily stationed near Alpha Centauri.
If you’re receiving this, Earth’s Wi-Fi is still catastrophically overpowered.
Temporarily stationed near Alpha Centauri.
If you’re receiving this, Earth’s Wi-Fi is still catastrophically overpowered.
Pinned
The lack of #engagement I get here confirms my theory:
I’m just somebody else’s imaginary friend.
Still trying to figure out whose.
#NoReallyImFine
I’m just somebody else’s imaginary friend.
Still trying to figure out whose.
#NoReallyImFine
Here's a #dumbQuestion that no doubt reveals my ignorance, but I'm watching a #TimeTeam episode in which they found an iron age quern.
Francis Pryor says it was used for grinding corn, but... corn is native to the Americas, no?
I always thought iron age Britain didn’t even know corn existed.
Francis Pryor says it was used for grinding corn, but... corn is native to the Americas, no?
I always thought iron age Britain didn’t even know corn existed.
December 11, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Here's a #dumbQuestion that no doubt reveals my ignorance, but I'm watching a #TimeTeam episode in which they found an iron age quern.
Francis Pryor says it was used for grinding corn, but... corn is native to the Americas, no?
I always thought iron age Britain didn’t even know corn existed.
Francis Pryor says it was used for grinding corn, but... corn is native to the Americas, no?
I always thought iron age Britain didn’t even know corn existed.
Well, I just got word that the biopsy result came back negative, so...
Phew.
Phew.
a futurama robot says phew in front of a hulu sign
Alt: Bender the robot wipes his brow and says phew.
media.tenor.com
December 11, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Well, I just got word that the biopsy result came back negative, so...
Phew.
Phew.
Nobody calls me for months, then I travel for a couple of weeks and come back to 6 voicemails.
#GreatTiming
#GreatTiming
December 9, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Nobody calls me for months, then I travel for a couple of weeks and come back to 6 voicemails.
#GreatTiming
#GreatTiming
Whoever’s out there sticking pins in the voodoo doll of me, knock it the hell off, ok?
December 9, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Whoever’s out there sticking pins in the voodoo doll of me, knock it the hell off, ok?
I caved in and checked my Spotify Artist Wrapped thingy.
That was a mistake.
* adds “delete Spotify artist account” to to-do list
That was a mistake.
* adds “delete Spotify artist account” to to-do list
December 9, 2025 at 12:10 PM
I caved in and checked my Spotify Artist Wrapped thingy.
That was a mistake.
* adds “delete Spotify artist account” to to-do list
That was a mistake.
* adds “delete Spotify artist account” to to-do list
* Reads article about rising prices for memory and computer components *
* turns on laptop and hears worrying fan grinding noises *
* turns on laptop and hears worrying fan grinding noises *
a man in a suit and tie sitting in a chair
Alt: a man in a suit and tie sitting in a chair puts his head down on his desk
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2025 at 4:39 AM
* Reads article about rising prices for memory and computer components *
* turns on laptop and hears worrying fan grinding noises *
* turns on laptop and hears worrying fan grinding noises *
Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a couple of weeks, but here are a couple of photos from a few days in #Cambridge, UK.
December 9, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a couple of weeks, but here are a couple of photos from a few days in #Cambridge, UK.
Back when I was writing songs, I had a system to tell whether an idea had enough in it to become a full song.
I came up with it after abandoning a bunch of half-finished ones that just didn’t have enough “story” to go anywhere.
🧵1/4
I came up with it after abandoning a bunch of half-finished ones that just didn’t have enough “story” to go anywhere.
🧵1/4
December 7, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Back when I was writing songs, I had a system to tell whether an idea had enough in it to become a full song.
I came up with it after abandoning a bunch of half-finished ones that just didn’t have enough “story” to go anywhere.
🧵1/4
I came up with it after abandoning a bunch of half-finished ones that just didn’t have enough “story” to go anywhere.
🧵1/4
Another #wip (am I ever going to finish one of these things?) of my short story “The Archives,” which tales place in a post-collapse near-future.
#wipsnips #empty #TheArchives #writesky
#wipsnips #empty #TheArchives #writesky
December 7, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Another #wip (am I ever going to finish one of these things?) of my short story “The Archives,” which tales place in a post-collapse near-future.
#wipsnips #empty #TheArchives #writesky
#wipsnips #empty #TheArchives #writesky
Here’s an idea: I’m going to start selling tickets to anyone who enjoys watching me screw up.
If I’m going to be a #klutz, (and I am) I might as well monetize the show.
Premium seats cost extra, and the first three rows are in the splash zone.
#YouveBeenWarned
If I’m going to be a #klutz, (and I am) I might as well monetize the show.
Premium seats cost extra, and the first three rows are in the splash zone.
#YouveBeenWarned
December 2, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Here’s an idea: I’m going to start selling tickets to anyone who enjoys watching me screw up.
If I’m going to be a #klutz, (and I am) I might as well monetize the show.
Premium seats cost extra, and the first three rows are in the splash zone.
#YouveBeenWarned
If I’m going to be a #klutz, (and I am) I might as well monetize the show.
Premium seats cost extra, and the first three rows are in the splash zone.
#YouveBeenWarned
Flew into Heathrow today and taxied past an Emirates A380, the first time I've seen one up close.
Damn, that thing is BIIIIIIIIIIGGG.
Damn, that thing is BIIIIIIIIIIGGG.
December 1, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Flew into Heathrow today and taxied past an Emirates A380, the first time I've seen one up close.
Damn, that thing is BIIIIIIIIIIGGG.
Damn, that thing is BIIIIIIIIIIGGG.
Every intermission interview with a #hockey player is exactly the same.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
November 25, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Every intermission interview with a #hockey player is exactly the same.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
My humble #suggestions for improving life in #France:
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
November 25, 2025 at 11:24 AM
My humble #suggestions for improving life in #France:
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
Reposted by Former Earthling
November 24, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Back in #Paris, got a cab from the airport to our hotel.
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
a man with a beard is wearing a suit and tie and looking at something .
Alt: a man in a suit and tie looks puzzled and says I’m sorry, what?
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Back in #Paris, got a cab from the airport to our hotel.
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
That time of year when your car windows are #frosted and you have no idea where you left the #scraper last spring so you clear the windows with a credit card.
#CanadianProblems
#CanadianProblems
November 22, 2025 at 9:00 PM
That time of year when your car windows are #frosted and you have no idea where you left the #scraper last spring so you clear the windows with a credit card.
#CanadianProblems
#CanadianProblems
Look closely, #recruiters.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
November 20, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Look closely, #recruiters.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
Ooh, interesting. I didn’t have that on my 2025 bingo card.
'Beating heart of Europe': Belgian PM wants to make Benelux into one country
If unified, the Benelux would be the fourth-largest economy in the European Union.
www.brusselstimes.com
November 20, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Ooh, interesting. I didn’t have that on my 2025 bingo card.
Wife is doing homework for her corporate leadership training “self-assessment” and I would like to take this opportunity to express my thanks that I ended up prematurely retired so I don’t have to deal with any of that shit ever again.
November 17, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Wife is doing homework for her corporate leadership training “self-assessment” and I would like to take this opportunity to express my thanks that I ended up prematurely retired so I don’t have to deal with any of that shit ever again.