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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp

@foxult.bsky.social

1.9K followers 1.1K following 2.1K posts

Teacher. Feckless gadabout. Asparagus hater.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · Dec 7

When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 15h

Lascaux, France.
Today: "This type art is spiritual in nature relating to visions during ritualistic trance-dancing...."
17,300 years ago: "Hey, everyone, I drew a cow!"

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 15h

When God closes a door, He opens a Windows 95 because He, like your grandmother, still has an HP Vectra VE desktop.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 15h

Confession: In the '90s I often threw my hands in the air despite my not being a true player.

Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp

Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · Jul 23

Host: Let's play Wheel Of Ornithology!

Me: Are there any jays?

Host: No sorry

Me: I'd like to buy an owl

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 2d

I'd be more fired up for the many Oktoberfests if Germany produced a decent Purple Drank.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 2d

Nothing is dumber than a great idea you have in the middle of the night.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 5d

#TKAM trivia: Harper Lee's knuckle tats said ATCS FNCH

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 5d

Hey, wives who refer to their husbands in public as "my hubby," save some of the crazy for the rest of us.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 7d

Fun fact about the South: The Autumnal Equinox is the traditional day to change the cinder blocks of our yard cars.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 8d

If the Internet has taught us anything, it's that schadenfreude is a global phenomenon.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 8d

The fake account Wells Fargo set up in my name has more money than my real account.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 8d

Pro Tip: Name your kid "Doctor" and save him/her $200k in future med school loans.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 9d

Benny Hill theme

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 9d

I'm always surprised when a mother of 3-or-more boys is not a raging alcoholic.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 9d

The "ESPN Fantasy Football Alerts" on my phone are just a series of taunts of my manhood.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 9d

TV taught me that every animal in Australia is deadly poisonous.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 10d

The US obesity epidemic could be cured with a good old-fashioned dysentery epidemic.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 11d

"I'm here to get my dog spayed, and while you're at it, could you take a look at my tennis elbow?"

It's a sign for the Veterinary Rehab and Sports Medicine of Virginia clinic in Richmond, VA.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 12d

If I had a Grateful Dead cover band, I'd call it Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Play Dead, and we'd play at parties for about 7 English majors.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 12d

The true Walk of Shame is when you have to walk back into Subway with wet pants after spilling your drink on yourself in the parking lot.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13d

With 17 bullets, you could shoot a haiku. It would be up to the authorities to put it together. Kind of a fun activity for them.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13d

If you had 14 bullets, you could send a sonnet.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13d

Underrated great answer!

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13d

On the plus side, if you're an animal hoarder, no one wants to steal anything from your house.

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13d

Jonny Quest gave me the unrealistic hope that some day I'd run into someone walking a giant komodo dragon on a leash.