Some of our guests are vegan, so I’m working on a butternut squash and root vegetable soup right now, and we’ll have tons of other sides. To be honest, I don’t even usually eat meat at Thanksgiving because I’d rather load my plate with stuffing and roasted vegetables 🤷🏻‍♀️

The secretary of indefensible

I feel like if you didn’t ask before you got married, that’s a “you” problem.

Byzantine? I’m not familiar with this piece.

From. The. Box. If desired, add dried cranberries.

I didn’t ask a question of a highly respected man. I asked you.

The pig has value and contributes meaningfully to society.

Congratulations Dr Turner!

Anyone but Vivek Rathersmarmy. I like future Ohio governor Dr. Amy Acton.

Awww man, Billy Idol did me wrong!

5, but two of those are half points because while I will not eat a stalk of celery or a piece of cucumber, I will allow them to exist in other things.

Remember, remember the sixth of November, the ham sandwich trial, to wit: did we ever have worry the ham sandwich jury would ever not acquit?

Me looking for a place to add Velveeta Voldemort to my alliterative insult generator

I had an uncle Kenny and an uncle Beth (I apparently decided that “aunt” didn’t sound right with her name, so she was uncle). Now I’m aunt Jo to a kid with whom I share no blood relation. What else are you supposed to call close but unrelated adults?

When do We The People repossess his ugly golf course and gold toilets to fund the restoration of Jackie’s rose garden and Eleanor’s East Wing?