i dont want to believe that

it must have been a case of me tuning in at an unfortunate time. that certainly must not be the case

when all i want to see is me instead.

i hate that sex took my mom from me.
i hate that sex turned my dad into a monster.

i hate that all people ever thought when they looked at me literally until i was 22 was sex.

i hate that sex was a motivator for people to do the terrible things they did to me.

my mom can just throw her cunt around and anybody will give her a place to go.

and now my future rests on the pros of free sex or my ass just taking up space beyond money throwing and extra hands to clean.

which just explains why its been so easy to get kicked to the curb so many times.

i wanna admit myself dude genuinely just to get away from this.

that stings. it stings so bad.
it stings astronomically that i would much rather move out before my birthday so i can spend it alone rather than be surrounded by family. it fucking sucks.

both of which he would use as ammunition to punish me as i used both mediums to vent.

i can't take melatonin at all bc of it, and if any noise at all happens while im asleep, im instantly awake, aware, and alert.

i have to be really, really comfortable to be able to sleep thru any noise.)