One time a friend of mine told me "just from hearing you talk I can tell llamas with hats meant a lot to you growing up" and I still haven't recuperated from that.

If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for a glass of milk... if you teach a mouse to cook armed disney goons will slash your tyres and leave threatening notes in your mailbox.

She call me pepto the way my dick bi smol

"Why do autistic people like Sonic The Hedgehog so much?" Because he's fucking awesome. Next question.

I know that the guitar guy in mad max canonically is giving the war boys directions with the music but whenever I watch fury road I like to imagine that he's just in it for the love of the game really & he's not doing anything practical, they keep him around because he's fun.

I so badly hate when I have a joint pop loudly, but I can't feel the release. It makes me feel like a ghost trying to eat a delicious hamburger that falls right through me and onto the floor.

i hope this doesn't affect our friendship but back there when the demon asked our deepest wish i did confess to wanting to see you in ruins

I'm gonna *remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health*... mine at night

Freight is kinda gay... what do you mean you drive a "seme" truck 🤔

I'm on the beach that makes you old having the sex that makes you gay.

I feel like we give too much flack to people with peanut allergies. I would honestly really like the option to just eat a peanut butter sandwich and die if the zombie apocalypse happens.

Saw a 14 year old kpoppie call like ooh aah by twice "old" today