She's now finally realizing that was wrong but it took her until she was in her 50s and her kids are adults now. It's weird because I feel the most angry at my mom's parents and they've never done anything directly to me but its like I feel their actions through my moms actions

by living vicariously through her kids. And her whole life she minimized what they did to her bc that's what they told her, it "wasn't a big deal" and "that's in the past" and I think having that mindset she was like "well anything is better than how my parents raised me"

He had said the opposite. I just love having thoughtful conversations with white men!!!!!!!!! Literally all he wanted to do is explain my history back to me and act like he knew more about everything it was so infuriating.

And second, does that mean were just supposed to ignore that history?? He kept downplaying every thing i said canada did and then ignore me when i called him out on downplaying by just repeating the same shit. By the end he literally was agreeing with me even though earlier in the conversation

I'm a few years away from it being a decade since I was at my absolute lowest. How am I still trying to heal from this shit I definitely thought I'd be better by now. Younger me would be so disappointed in current me.

This shit got me considering getting a job 😭 im still too mentally ill for a normal job so im considering something thru online but idk what yet... fuck my stupid evil life

and have to reapply still. I really hope by some miracle housing opens up in the city we are trying to move to before they start development. Idk how much time we even have because they refuse to give us any concrete time frame. So basically we have to be prepared move or be homeless at all times.

Also kind of annoys me when people comment on my mask and they aren't even wearing one. Do they think I can't see them? Is that not embarassing for them??

I feel like writing a letter to someone you havent talked to in a while is much more natural than messaging them on social media or something. I like that you can take longer to reply and thats seen as normal, I hate the feeling of having to immediately reply so i just pretend i dont see it

I wish I could transform into a bird and fly far far away. I don't want to do this human thing I'm tired

I really hate that my brain cant just be like "oh thats nice for them" people being happy can only remind me how miserable i am. Which makes me insufferable to be around and isolates me from ppl more

I remember identifying with the main character in that movie so much... I was going to say more but idk how to articulate it that movie is just really special to me