At first I was decayed, I was putrefied,
Kept thinking I could never live without formaldehyde...

Is it true that if you get a parking ticket in Salt Lake City and you refuse to pay it in writing, using a 13 foot high typeface, they'll reconsider it?
That's four metre "NO" and Utah fine doubt.

[Hamstring Injury Support Group]
- I did mine while I was listening to Frank Sinatra one evening.
- Strained yours in the night?
- No, 'My Way'.

My daughter insists on only watching Freeview, and I've been putting up with it for far too long.

Well no more, Miss, tonight Sky.

I like to shower like Frank Sinatra did, and so I face the vinyl curtain.

I own two shirts and some neckwear that used to belong to a bloke who was in The Mamas & The Papas.

All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is grey.

When the spring was invented, it was a classic tale of when boing meets curl.

Waiter: *offering crudités and dips* Savoury snack?
Me: Very snack.
Waiter: No, no... Raw vegetables!
Me: *roars* VEGETABLES!

'At first I was decayed, I was putrefied.
Kept thinking I could never live without formaldehyde.'
- Gorier Gaynor