Ingrid Elkner
@ingridelkner.bsky.social
I wrote words that came out of Jamie Foxx & Danny Trejo's mouths. Comedy. Horror. Music maker. Creep-O-Vision host.
🌎 Melbourne, Australia
🌎 Melbourne, Australia
Pinned
Ingrid Elkner
@ingridelkner.bsky.social
· May 11
I can't believe I'm going to end up dating someone's dad. Like... an old person with a wallet. So embarrassing. Calling an actual dad Daddy.
The human female body preparing for pregnancy 13 times a year should be illegal. There needs to be an opt-out, like when you refuse cookies. Hello ovaries, your work is no longer needed, never was, you are being retired. Take your gold watch and fuck off. Nature is bad with consent.
December 23, 2025 at 9:01 AM
The human female body preparing for pregnancy 13 times a year should be illegal. There needs to be an opt-out, like when you refuse cookies. Hello ovaries, your work is no longer needed, never was, you are being retired. Take your gold watch and fuck off. Nature is bad with consent.
The price of travelling to Australia has gone up - you used to be able to get here with a loaf of bread. And you didn't even need to pay for the bread!
#penalinflation
#penalinflation
December 22, 2025 at 4:39 PM
The price of travelling to Australia has gone up - you used to be able to get here with a loaf of bread. And you didn't even need to pay for the bread!
#penalinflation
#penalinflation
I told a guy I thought Anora was good but not five Oscars good, and he wouldn't look at me or talk to me any more.
December 22, 2025 at 2:25 PM
I told a guy I thought Anora was good but not five Oscars good, and he wouldn't look at me or talk to me any more.
Old lady walked past me pushing a walker, pulled down her mask, spat into the air, put her mask back up, and went into a room labelled ISOLATION ROOM. So, I probably just got TB, right?
December 22, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Old lady walked past me pushing a walker, pulled down her mask, spat into the air, put her mask back up, and went into a room labelled ISOLATION ROOM. So, I probably just got TB, right?
After that guy waved at me after he got off the tram without speaking to me, my friend said, "He was probably intimidated! Maybe he was shy and needed you to talk to him."
Ya know what? If a bear wants honey, it's gotta climb the tree.
Ya know what? If a bear wants honey, it's gotta climb the tree.
December 20, 2025 at 11:49 AM
After that guy waved at me after he got off the tram without speaking to me, my friend said, "He was probably intimidated! Maybe he was shy and needed you to talk to him."
Ya know what? If a bear wants honey, it's gotta climb the tree.
Ya know what? If a bear wants honey, it's gotta climb the tree.
The dialogue in Maxxxine is so brave.
December 19, 2025 at 4:36 PM
The dialogue in Maxxxine is so brave.
Lisa-Marie Presley the biological mother of John Travolta's first two kids and Riley Keough the biological mother of his third kid is not the batshit craziness I thought we'd cap off the year with, but hey, the simulation is set to random mode.
December 19, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Lisa-Marie Presley the biological mother of John Travolta's first two kids and Riley Keough the biological mother of his third kid is not the batshit craziness I thought we'd cap off the year with, but hey, the simulation is set to random mode.
2026 is gonna be my year
December 17, 2025 at 8:44 AM
2026 is gonna be my year
I thought everyone said WEAPONS is scary? It wasn't scary, but it was enjoyable. The camera style seemed unique, that over-the-shoulder, followed claustrophobia. It left me with a lot of questions I'll be no doubt raiding Reddit for answers to.
December 15, 2025 at 1:14 PM
I thought everyone said WEAPONS is scary? It wasn't scary, but it was enjoyable. The camera style seemed unique, that over-the-shoulder, followed claustrophobia. It left me with a lot of questions I'll be no doubt raiding Reddit for answers to.
"Don't dye your hair blue - men will think you're a lesbian."
"But lesbians are what men wanted all through the nineties."
"But lesbians are what men wanted all through the nineties."
December 12, 2025 at 3:24 PM
"Don't dye your hair blue - men will think you're a lesbian."
"But lesbians are what men wanted all through the nineties."
"But lesbians are what men wanted all through the nineties."
Why do guys ask me to connect on Whatsapp, they talk for a couple days, and then go silent? What was the point of Whatsapping?
December 12, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Why do guys ask me to connect on Whatsapp, they talk for a couple days, and then go silent? What was the point of Whatsapping?
You are a straight* man
*except for when you looked at Brian Molko in 1999.
*except for when you looked at Brian Molko in 1999.
December 12, 2025 at 4:59 AM
You are a straight* man
*except for when you looked at Brian Molko in 1999.
*except for when you looked at Brian Molko in 1999.
Revenge bedtime procrastination.
Revenge bedtime.
Revenge.
Revenge bedtime.
Revenge.
December 9, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Revenge bedtime procrastination.
Revenge bedtime.
Revenge.
Revenge bedtime.
Revenge.
Roasting chestnuts on the Tesla fire
December 9, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Roasting chestnuts on the Tesla fire
Another Gen Z was shocked I'm much older, and he made the mistake of asking how old he looks. I said he looks older than his age - most Gen Zs look quite old to us. His gob was smacked. It's not safe to ask people for honest answers. Don't ask Gen Y anything. We are not safe.
December 7, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Another Gen Z was shocked I'm much older, and he made the mistake of asking how old he looks. I said he looks older than his age - most Gen Zs look quite old to us. His gob was smacked. It's not safe to ask people for honest answers. Don't ask Gen Y anything. We are not safe.
Going to become a professional karaoke singer.
December 5, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Going to become a professional karaoke singer.
"How to get off the trend-mill as an artist?"
-Andy J Pizza
-Andy J Pizza
December 5, 2025 at 9:53 AM
"How to get off the trend-mill as an artist?"
-Andy J Pizza
-Andy J Pizza
Christmas is Halloween in a major key.
December 2, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Christmas is Halloween in a major key.
Avoidants are always like, "I'd rather be this partially dead inside thing than an ANXIOUS attacher, eww!" yet all the best songs are written by anxious attachers. 'Unchained Melody' vs. whatever the fuck Justin Timberlake sings about.
December 1, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Avoidants are always like, "I'd rather be this partially dead inside thing than an ANXIOUS attacher, eww!" yet all the best songs are written by anxious attachers. 'Unchained Melody' vs. whatever the fuck Justin Timberlake sings about.
'Bitter middle-age woman' is my genre now.
November 29, 2025 at 6:58 PM
'Bitter middle-age woman' is my genre now.
I can speak german, but only if it's in English.
November 29, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I can speak german, but only if it's in English.
Dreamed I was Gottmik and Ru Paul broke into my house to steal my cabbage.
November 29, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Dreamed I was Gottmik and Ru Paul broke into my house to steal my cabbage.
Reposted by Ingrid Elkner
doing the dishes in my sink so the guy coming to fix my heating doesn’t know i eat breakfast
November 25, 2025 at 1:24 PM
doing the dishes in my sink so the guy coming to fix my heating doesn’t know i eat breakfast
A guy has in his dating bio:
"Member of MENSA (that's the high IQ organisation)"
That's called MENSplaining.
"Member of MENSA (that's the high IQ organisation)"
That's called MENSplaining.
November 26, 2025 at 3:22 PM
A guy has in his dating bio:
"Member of MENSA (that's the high IQ organisation)"
That's called MENSplaining.
"Member of MENSA (that's the high IQ organisation)"
That's called MENSplaining.