Jack
@jackieonasty.bsky.social
Producer of videos you haven’t watched in a while, writer of stuff you probably haven’t read, performer in the second half after you snuck out at intermission, recorder of music I’ll probably never release.
I can only assume there will also be a FIFA Prize for Chemistry and a FIFA Prize for Literature as well.
December 6, 2025 at 5:52 AM
I can only assume there will also be a FIFA Prize for Chemistry and a FIFA Prize for Literature as well.
I mean, homeboy’s not wrong. But, to be fair, he’s already fighting for the amusement of rich guys and to satiate a restive population’s bloodlust. So, we’re just quibbling over the venue at this point.
November 18, 2025 at 12:26 PM
I mean, homeboy’s not wrong. But, to be fair, he’s already fighting for the amusement of rich guys and to satiate a restive population’s bloodlust. So, we’re just quibbling over the venue at this point.
Don’t Moo for Me, Argentina.
October 24, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Don’t Moo for Me, Argentina.
Indie NYC rap crew selling some tunes began their pitch by saying, “You look like you have Black friends,“ and I refrained from replying, “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
October 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Indie NYC rap crew selling some tunes began their pitch by saying, “You look like you have Black friends,“ and I refrained from replying, “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
CVS in NYC will charge you 5 cents for a paper bag and then print out a receipt longer than the city block you are on.
October 15, 2025 at 1:12 PM
CVS in NYC will charge you 5 cents for a paper bag and then print out a receipt longer than the city block you are on.
When I die, I hope people come up with a better tribute for me than going to Starbucks and demanding my favorite usual order.*
*the code for the bathroom
*the code for the bathroom
September 25, 2025 at 12:52 PM
When I die, I hope people come up with a better tribute for me than going to Starbucks and demanding my favorite usual order.*
*the code for the bathroom
*the code for the bathroom
An ad for BetterHelp this morning said something like, "Everyone has had that ride-share experience, where you just didn't want the conversation to end..."
I can’t think of anything that would be less likely to sell me on therapy than comparing it to a prolonged conversation with an Uber drive.
I can’t think of anything that would be less likely to sell me on therapy than comparing it to a prolonged conversation with an Uber drive.
September 17, 2025 at 1:19 PM
An ad for BetterHelp this morning said something like, "Everyone has had that ride-share experience, where you just didn't want the conversation to end..."
I can’t think of anything that would be less likely to sell me on therapy than comparing it to a prolonged conversation with an Uber drive.
I can’t think of anything that would be less likely to sell me on therapy than comparing it to a prolonged conversation with an Uber drive.
Pet owner bumper-sticker slippery slopes:
-Dogmom
-Catdad
-Ferret stepfather
-Gerbilbrother
-Hamstercousin
-Snakeaunt
-Guinea-pig godmother
-Iguana-guncle’s Special “Friend”
-Goat-in-law’s polyamorous partner
-Fishwife
-Fishwife’s Unnervingly Sexy Personal Trainer
-Animal Husbandry
-Dogmom
-Catdad
-Ferret stepfather
-Gerbilbrother
-Hamstercousin
-Snakeaunt
-Guinea-pig godmother
-Iguana-guncle’s Special “Friend”
-Goat-in-law’s polyamorous partner
-Fishwife
-Fishwife’s Unnervingly Sexy Personal Trainer
-Animal Husbandry
September 14, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Pet owner bumper-sticker slippery slopes:
-Dogmom
-Catdad
-Ferret stepfather
-Gerbilbrother
-Hamstercousin
-Snakeaunt
-Guinea-pig godmother
-Iguana-guncle’s Special “Friend”
-Goat-in-law’s polyamorous partner
-Fishwife
-Fishwife’s Unnervingly Sexy Personal Trainer
-Animal Husbandry
-Dogmom
-Catdad
-Ferret stepfather
-Gerbilbrother
-Hamstercousin
-Snakeaunt
-Guinea-pig godmother
-Iguana-guncle’s Special “Friend”
-Goat-in-law’s polyamorous partner
-Fishwife
-Fishwife’s Unnervingly Sexy Personal Trainer
-Animal Husbandry
Reposted by Jack
Can't even build death star anymore, because of ewok
August 26, 2025 at 6:49 AM
Can't even build death star anymore, because of ewok
It's weird how they've ruled that the Titan Submersible accident was "preventable." I mean, that should be obvious; so far, I've avoided going to crush depth in a billionaire's vanity sub quite successfully and without any extra effort.
August 8, 2025 at 12:31 AM
It's weird how they've ruled that the Titan Submersible accident was "preventable." I mean, that should be obvious; so far, I've avoided going to crush depth in a billionaire's vanity sub quite successfully and without any extra effort.
Between Ozzy and then Hulk Hogan dying in the same week, it’s been a tough few days for mulleted guys named Craig who rode your school bus in the 80s.
July 24, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Between Ozzy and then Hulk Hogan dying in the same week, it’s been a tough few days for mulleted guys named Craig who rode your school bus in the 80s.
They're testing the new building-wide PA system at work by blasting smooth jazz at an alarming volume. After the first song, they paused to announce, "This is only a test," which is good, because I'd hate for it to be some sort of active smooth-jazz lockdown situation.
June 25, 2025 at 7:18 PM
They're testing the new building-wide PA system at work by blasting smooth jazz at an alarming volume. After the first song, they paused to announce, "This is only a test," which is good, because I'd hate for it to be some sort of active smooth-jazz lockdown situation.
I like when they use a machine to check my blood-pressure and I can hear the Velcro straining and loosening in the cuff because it makes me feel like I’m about to turn into the Hulk.
June 12, 2025 at 2:27 PM
I like when they use a machine to check my blood-pressure and I can hear the Velcro straining and loosening in the cuff because it makes me feel like I’m about to turn into the Hulk.
Always fun to watch bad people happen to bad people.
June 6, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Always fun to watch bad people happen to bad people.
When he finally dies, I hope his headstone is inscribed with one of his petty, spiteful, unhinged, all-caps Truth Social rants. Those are his “Ask not what your country can do for you…” and there are so many to choose from.
May 27, 2025 at 2:08 AM
When he finally dies, I hope his headstone is inscribed with one of his petty, spiteful, unhinged, all-caps Truth Social rants. Those are his “Ask not what your country can do for you…” and there are so many to choose from.
At a middle-school production of Beetlejuice the musical. Hopefully all of the parents in the audience will exercise enough decorum to not pull a Boebert.
May 22, 2025 at 9:56 PM
At a middle-school production of Beetlejuice the musical. Hopefully all of the parents in the audience will exercise enough decorum to not pull a Boebert.
I love it when ya call me il Papa
Through yo hands in the air if you’s in mid-prayer
Through yo hands in the air if you’s in mid-prayer
May 8, 2025 at 10:10 PM
I love it when ya call me il Papa
Through yo hands in the air if you’s in mid-prayer
Through yo hands in the air if you’s in mid-prayer
Vatican’t wait to find out who it is. Pope I’m not disapontiffed.
May 8, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Vatican’t wait to find out who it is. Pope I’m not disapontiffed.
Interesting choice to make this the still-frame to share for your reel.
May 8, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Interesting choice to make this the still-frame to share for your reel.
Reposted by Jack
some people go on vacations to sightsee and go on beautiful hikes but nancy mace flies around the country looking at bathrooms
May 7, 2025 at 7:09 PM
some people go on vacations to sightsee and go on beautiful hikes but nancy mace flies around the country looking at bathrooms
Saw someone at their desk just straight-up munching on a whole cucumber like it was an apple. Truth be told, I eat half a cuke with lunch every day myself, but I slice it up like a human. Not go HAM on it like Bunnicula.
May 6, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Saw someone at their desk just straight-up munching on a whole cucumber like it was an apple. Truth be told, I eat half a cuke with lunch every day myself, but I slice it up like a human. Not go HAM on it like Bunnicula.
Reposted by Jack
Wanna see something cool?
At the Grammy's in 1976, Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme explained what jazz is.
The result? The crowd losing its mind. 🔥
At the Grammy's in 1976, Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme explained what jazz is.
The result? The crowd losing its mind. 🔥
May 4, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Wanna see something cool?
At the Grammy's in 1976, Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme explained what jazz is.
The result? The crowd losing its mind. 🔥
At the Grammy's in 1976, Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme explained what jazz is.
The result? The crowd losing its mind. 🔥
May the Fourth help you to do thomething about that listhp.
May 4, 2025 at 2:04 PM
May the Fourth help you to do thomething about that listhp.
