Jackson Holland
@jaxholland.bsky.social
“YOUR MUSTACHE IS CROOKED!” - Macho Man Randy Savage
“No one wants to see your dead ass playing a keyboard.” - Diamond David Lee Roth
“No one wants to see your dead ass playing a keyboard.” - Diamond David Lee Roth
Pinned
Jackson Holland
@jaxholland.bsky.social
· Nov 15
Yeah, I’m the guy who keeps scrawling “NO!” over the Prime Meridian in every atlas.
TLC’s “No Scrubs” really tells a story, you know?
December 30, 2025 at 3:37 AM
TLC’s “No Scrubs” really tells a story, you know?
I originally had an issue with Phil Rizzuto in the Baseball HOF, but then I remembered his voice was a pivotal part of Paradise by the Dashboard Light and a Seinfeld ep.
That’s a HOF resume, WAR be damned.
That’s a HOF resume, WAR be damned.
December 29, 2025 at 10:20 PM
I originally had an issue with Phil Rizzuto in the Baseball HOF, but then I remembered his voice was a pivotal part of Paradise by the Dashboard Light and a Seinfeld ep.
That’s a HOF resume, WAR be damned.
That’s a HOF resume, WAR be damned.
Clearly this holiday season is “let’s have Jackson’s exes reach out to him for no fucking reason”…I want to hurl my phone into the ocean.
December 29, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Clearly this holiday season is “let’s have Jackson’s exes reach out to him for no fucking reason”…I want to hurl my phone into the ocean.
Not the thing I expected to wake up to after a nap…and DEFINITELY not anything I wanted to wake up to…fucking UGH
December 29, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Not the thing I expected to wake up to after a nap…and DEFINITELY not anything I wanted to wake up to…fucking UGH
I’d love to find a pomegranate that isn’t a total smartass.
December 28, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I’d love to find a pomegranate that isn’t a total smartass.
People who ask me for proof of my claims always look at me really weirdly when I hand them a bowl of chocolate pudding in response.
December 28, 2025 at 10:20 PM
People who ask me for proof of my claims always look at me really weirdly when I hand them a bowl of chocolate pudding in response.
Every fifth fortune cookie should have a fortune that simply says “dance too much booty in the pants.”
December 28, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Every fifth fortune cookie should have a fortune that simply says “dance too much booty in the pants.”
I don’t worry about death.
I worry about the fact that one day, I will have eaten the best hot dog I will ever have in my entire life, and every hot dog thereafter will be disappointing.
I worry about the fact that one day, I will have eaten the best hot dog I will ever have in my entire life, and every hot dog thereafter will be disappointing.
December 28, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I don’t worry about death.
I worry about the fact that one day, I will have eaten the best hot dog I will ever have in my entire life, and every hot dog thereafter will be disappointing.
I worry about the fact that one day, I will have eaten the best hot dog I will ever have in my entire life, and every hot dog thereafter will be disappointing.
It should be illegal to bake a cake that looks like your dog.
December 28, 2025 at 6:42 PM
It should be illegal to bake a cake that looks like your dog.
Can’t go to church tomorrow because I’m banned due to referring to the Disciples as “The Twelve Juggalos.”
December 28, 2025 at 6:47 AM
Can’t go to church tomorrow because I’m banned due to referring to the Disciples as “The Twelve Juggalos.”
I’m sorry that wood carving made you cry. I didn’t think you knew who Ed McMahon was.
December 27, 2025 at 7:10 AM
I’m sorry that wood carving made you cry. I didn’t think you knew who Ed McMahon was.
I used to enter baking competitions under the pseudonym Pat Sablay.
December 26, 2025 at 6:16 AM
I used to enter baking competitions under the pseudonym Pat Sablay.
2026 will be the Year of the Guanaco
December 26, 2025 at 5:14 AM
2026 will be the Year of the Guanaco
Finding out tomorrow once and for all if I’m dishwasher-safe.
December 26, 2025 at 4:33 AM
Finding out tomorrow once and for all if I’m dishwasher-safe.
My cat missed the hell out of me these past past eight days. He has been a loudmouth since I got home, like he’s got all this gossip saved up because I didn’t text him while I was gone. Now he’s here next to me.
Merry Christmas Bub!
Merry Christmas Bub!
December 26, 2025 at 2:54 AM
My cat missed the hell out of me these past past eight days. He has been a loudmouth since I got home, like he’s got all this gossip saved up because I didn’t text him while I was gone. Now he’s here next to me.
Merry Christmas Bub!
Merry Christmas Bub!
Sometimes when I’m reading A Christmas Carol, I switch it up to where Bob Marley visits Scrooge and just talks about Haile Selassie all night.
December 24, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Sometimes when I’m reading A Christmas Carol, I switch it up to where Bob Marley visits Scrooge and just talks about Haile Selassie all night.
I think “Patagonian Toothfish” would be a great name for a pet Chilean sea bass.
December 24, 2025 at 11:17 PM
I think “Patagonian Toothfish” would be a great name for a pet Chilean sea bass.
Having a very “feudal peasant” day today: cleaned the pews and altar of a church I don’t attend and had a cold lunch of meat and potatoes.
Probably will die of the plague sometime this evening.
Probably will die of the plague sometime this evening.
December 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Having a very “feudal peasant” day today: cleaned the pews and altar of a church I don’t attend and had a cold lunch of meat and potatoes.
Probably will die of the plague sometime this evening.
Probably will die of the plague sometime this evening.
Some mornings, I spend about 18 minutes making “Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man” faces in the bathroom mirror.
December 22, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Some mornings, I spend about 18 minutes making “Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man” faces in the bathroom mirror.
Rock on Cheese Dust Woman
December 22, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Rock on Cheese Dust Woman
ABBA provides a lovely soundtrack for stirring homemade barbecue sauce on the stovetop.
December 18, 2025 at 10:04 PM
ABBA provides a lovely soundtrack for stirring homemade barbecue sauce on the stovetop.
So much is explained by the fact that I grew up on a trapezoid.
December 18, 2025 at 2:53 PM
So much is explained by the fact that I grew up on a trapezoid.
Brb
Gotta cropdust my cat
Gotta cropdust my cat
December 17, 2025 at 5:01 AM
Brb
Gotta cropdust my cat
Gotta cropdust my cat
We wanted caramel to be the hero flavor. It’s not. Your mom is the hero flavor.
December 17, 2025 at 4:45 AM
We wanted caramel to be the hero flavor. It’s not. Your mom is the hero flavor.
When I was younger, sometimes I’d put my socks on over my shoes to be different.
It was weird being 43.
It was weird being 43.
December 17, 2025 at 3:23 AM
When I was younger, sometimes I’d put my socks on over my shoes to be different.
It was weird being 43.
It was weird being 43.