please do not read any of the secret documents I left in my unlocked car when I ran away before. I was scared and had to run away to get a bigger gun and it’s not fair for you guys to grab those documents while I was gone. those are mine, and I need them for my big mission. please give them back

Every couple of weeks we get a different description of the apparently awful stench coming off our necrotic president and I think it's high time the media nail down exactly what kind of rotten meat covered in women's perfume he actually smells like.

This is how far you have to scroll on the NYTimes homepage to get any coverage of what's going on day-to-day in an occupied American city where schools are closing because the government is checking the papers of all brown or Asian people then brutalizing, imprisoning or killing them.

the problem with an untrained secret police squad that shoots people in their cars isn’t that they’re untrained

Breaking: Minnesota and Denmark enter into a mutual defense pact.

i know we’re all just immune to it now but it’s pretty bonkers 41 year old lebron james just dropped 30 points (on 68% ts) in a professional basketball game

i hope chappell roan is even meaner in 2025 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Remember in the movie “Aliens” when no one listened to the woman and then everyone died? That’s what the vibe feels like right now.