Jess Zimmerman
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jesszimmerman.com
Jess Zimmerman
@jesszimmerman.com
9.1K followers 630 following 5.9K posts
Brief elaboration of a tube.
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jesszimmerman.com
Rolled over into 2026 laughing hysterically thanks to Justin’s lemon pig
Two new years lemon pigs, one looks relatively normal and the other has sad little ears and eyes that are more like two asymmetrical smudges, now that I think about it this is kind of what Johnny the Homicidal Maniac’s lemon pig would look like
January 1, 2026 at 5:06 AM
jesszimmerman.com
A friend posts a picture every year of the time she made a lemon pig without having any of the components of a lemon pig and it’s one of my favorite things
Little creature made sort of the same way as a new year’s lemon pig but with an orange for a body, cinnamon sticks for legs, a folded dollar bill in its mouth, and bug-out almond eyes.
December 31, 2025 at 11:53 PM
jesszimmerman.com
One of your guys looks weirdly human!
A new years lemon pig.
December 31, 2025 at 11:45 PM
jesszimmerman.com
I took a picture at the time of my copy of the script. I only have a few books this lovingly fucked up and the others are Hitchhiker’s Guide
A copy of Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead that is absolutely fucked up to hell.
November 29, 2025 at 6:27 PM
jesszimmerman.com
This is my other favorite category of text
Ok it’s time: which discworld book do I start with
November 20, 2025 at 10:21 PM
jesszimmerman.com
As usual I am only interested in engaging with these things for Taskmaster reasons
Zohran font on a blue background reading “no stars for naughty boys”
November 9, 2025 at 12:30 AM
jesszimmerman.com
I forgot you were a fragrance nerd, I feel I must alert YOU to these samples Justin got me
October 28, 2025 at 11:32 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Haven’t mentioned this on here because I’m seriously curtailing my Bluesky time but I’m talking to Amber Sparks about her novel at the uptown Strand tonight, come through!
Picture of me and Amber and her book Happy People Don’t Live Here, Columbus Ave Strand 7 pm
October 28, 2025 at 11:31 AM
jesszimmerman.com
I mean!!
Gary Oldman looking extremely Harrycore, though minus the facial hair situation, in one of the very few stills from Slow Horses where nobody has a phone pressed to their ear
September 24, 2025 at 4:17 AM
jesszimmerman.com
I definitely identify as a Roast Beef but I just checked my Achewood reaction memes folder and it’s almost evenly split with a bias towards Ray. This is definitely the one I use most often
Ray from Achewood saying “because I pay attention. I PAY ATTENTION. You didn’t know I was paying attention because you weren’t PAYING ATTENTION.”
September 5, 2025 at 12:01 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Just occurred to me I should have done this one
Tweet from @wolfpupy: “a lot of people say to me, things, but I am to busy brushing my hair and being a beautiful model. That’s what life is all about”
September 2, 2025 at 7:38 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Using one photo already on your phone, what is the announcement tomorrow at 2?
Sign pasted to gray brick wall reading “Wake up!!! We are slaves of the space lizards”
September 2, 2025 at 5:43 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Would this do
Restaurant called The Crazy Little Greek
September 1, 2025 at 11:41 AM
jesszimmerman.com
What is this, a Live song
NYT headine “Strangers Come Together to Deliver Baby Girl at Burning Man.” Rolling Stone headline “Man Found Dead in Suspected Homicide at Burning Man”
August 31, 2025 at 11:52 PM
jesszimmerman.com
Here’s mine
Julian Clary on Taskmaster saying “I’m bearing up under the strain, thank you.”
August 25, 2025 at 10:47 PM
jesszimmerman.com
Poem Joe Brainard, 1942-1994 Sometimes everything seems so oh, I don’t know.
August 24, 2025 at 3:16 PM
jesszimmerman.com
I will defend Rehoboth to the death but this whole section is 🧑‍🍳 💋
A tourist pronouncing it “DuPONT” Seeing a movie where a character takes the metro to Georgetown Overhearing someone say they were flying out of “Reagan”
August 12, 2025 at 8:00 PM
jesszimmerman.com
I need you guys to know about this German popcorn
A bag of popcorn called Bussy Pop.
August 7, 2025 at 2:11 PM
jesszimmerman.com
My best one though was Apple Martini
A very sweet looking chihuahua in a leopard print pet carrier.
August 7, 2025 at 3:20 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Happened on mine once!! Sadly phone cameras weren’t as good then
A Great Dane sitting in an airplane seat and looking back calmly at a little blonde child who’s clearly fascinated with it.
August 7, 2025 at 3:17 AM
jesszimmerman.com
I also went on a roof this week but nobody talks about it when I do it I guess
Photo from a bar on the roof of a parking garage, showing a white plaster statue of a woman plus the view over Berlin. Photo from a bar on the roof of a parking garage, showing the view over Berlin. Photo from a bar on the roof of a parking garage, showing a garden and a bunch of weird flamingo statues plus a bit of the view over Berlin.
August 5, 2025 at 9:05 PM
jesszimmerman.com
Sian Gibson hugging Greg Davies at the end of Taskmaster series 8. She does not even come up to his collarbone.
August 5, 2025 at 4:30 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Tumblr user saying “Wait hold on gotta look something up” and then “ok yeah this is funny.”
July 31, 2025 at 3:28 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Computer… enhance
A man and a medium size grey-brown pit bull playing catch. The man is crouching and has just released a tennis ball. The dog has been caught in the middle of changing direction very fast to go after the ball. When you zoom in more on the dog it becomes clear that she looks absolutely deranged, like her skeleton has continued to go in one direction while her skin changed course. Zooming in on the dog’s face shows that her eyes are pointed in two different directions and she has a horrible toothy mouth like a demonic Labubu.
July 23, 2025 at 1:53 AM
jesszimmerman.com
Goes nicely with this map feature my husband/DM insisted was a “ziggurat”
Drawing, on graph paper, of what is CLEARLY a boob
July 8, 2025 at 8:53 PM