Me: "Sir, per your request, I've now watched every touch of his career going back to u14s, run the models, and completed my full scouting report."

OK, Carpenter, where is it?

[I slide forward a moist, crumpled notecard, where I've written in crayon]:

Jesus Healing the Paralytic at the Pool of Bethesda, Bartolomé Esteban Murillo, 1670, 📸 by @Stuart_PhotoAFC

Love this angle for Ødegaard's assist and Jesus' first goal.

#Arsenal 🔴⚪

What Joe Bloggs (just normal men) are known as in seven different languages:

7. Joe Little Carrot (Slovak)
6. Otto Normalconsumer (German)
5. Wang Number Five (Mandarin)
4. Average Svensson (Swedish)
3. Name Nameson (Danish)
2. Mid-range Vasya (Russian)
1. Statistical Kowalski (Polish)