What I picture every time @kenjennings.bsky.social announces someone's Final Jeopardy wager is "nothing at all"

It always feels wrong to find out a bald guy was born in the late 90s. You are 15 years old, my guy, an absolute child. Where is your hair? How did this happen?

Washing down an extra-strength Tums with a Diet Coke while I ask Google "why isn't my antacid working"

I don't necessarily think I spend too much time at home with my cats, but I have caught myself slow-blinking at coworkers instead of smiling at them lately.

You're also referring to yourself in the second person for some reason.

One minute you're 7 years old, looking at a Junior Mensa brochure with your dad; the next minute you're a poor, middle-aged college dropout pausing an MLB broadcast to ask your cats why they aren't respecting each other's boundaries.

Man-made horrors beyond my comprehension but it's just a 7am dentist appointment

That part of "Land of Confusion" where Phil Collins sings "There's too many men," I feel that.

Why can an American not be a Paddington villain? It’s our time. If not now, when?

Is it an exaggeration to call Bob Dylan the greatest American poet? No. He was a phenomenal lyricist:

If you're going through hell, keep going. There's a churro stand by the exit.

Probably gonna start reposting things here that I originally posted on other apps. Please pretend they're brand new and hilarious, I am a very funny person according to my mom.

If I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone, but there would be signs.

I'm in Canada and in case anyone from the US is wondering what's in our Superbowl ads, I just watched one in which an ensemble of overly polite people decided they were tired of saying "sorry" and a man turned a blowtorch on a pile of snow while a beaver cheered him on. It was for Doritos, obviously

Reader, I clapped for him.

This probably isn’t the developers’ top priority (although it should be), but I’d love to see the Bluesky app have an option to switch to the Julian calendar for those of us who reject the lies of Pope Gregory XIII

My doctor prescribed a diuretic for my hypertension and while I trust her judgment, this treatment feels very medieval. "What if you just had less blood?"

As our new president and his favorite broligarch move to dismantle US foreign aid in the name of making America “great again,” consider this:

Current mood