AI could never

(waving arms frantically in pursuit of escape helicopter) ACCORDING TO CERTAIN PARAMETERS I'M SOMETHING CALLED AN "X-ENNIAL" THAT PUTS ME AT A -20 PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU

same, they got Eddie Marsan to play me

"A Third Asked 'Why Couldn't They Have All Three Features?' and Was Stripped of Credentials"

I can not, will never, resist that urge. It's like my favorite thing.

wait, what was that? you can score points by…catching a thrown ball and…carrying it into that area that’s some sort of “end zone?”

Erin Andrews dated a friend of mine many years ago and the one time I hung out with them she spent a good portion of the evening being passive-aggressive about my boot cut jeans and I’m reminded of that every time I see her on TV and I kind of love it?

that was a real Blake Bortles of an ending

(Also what made me feel most horrified in the initial moment was that at first I thought I had nearly harmed Crispin Glover. He and I are good though, to this day.)

I used to feel bad about the time I accidentally bumped into and nearly completely upended John Henry at a Sox game in Anaheim many moons ago (dude’s built like Mr. Burns, after all). I’ve felt less bad about it pretty much every day since.