Pinned
Joycieface
@joycieface.bsky.social
· Nov 27
Me: Why is it “achieve orgasm?” Why is having an orgasm considered an “achievement”?
Him, quickly getting out of the car: I meant any more questions about the 2024 Kia Forte
Him, quickly getting out of the car: I meant any more questions about the 2024 Kia Forte
They always talk about fight or flight. But never the third, more chaotic option: Anxiously Wanting to Talk It Out.
October 24, 2025 at 11:01 PM
They always talk about fight or flight. But never the third, more chaotic option: Anxiously Wanting to Talk It Out.
The owner of the inn listing his stable after Mary and Joseph reported it quite comfortable
(Added under house rules: “No additional guests, no drumming, and absolutely no giving birth in the manger”)
(Added under house rules: “No additional guests, no drumming, and absolutely no giving birth in the manger”)
October 24, 2025 at 9:04 AM
The owner of the inn listing his stable after Mary and Joseph reported it quite comfortable
(Added under house rules: “No additional guests, no drumming, and absolutely no giving birth in the manger”)
(Added under house rules: “No additional guests, no drumming, and absolutely no giving birth in the manger”)
Detective: I ask you again. Where are the jewels.
Me: Right here.
Detective: What.
Me: Maybe the real jewels, were the friends we made along the way 🥺
My lawyer: I am BEGGING YOU to remain silent—
Detective: No no 🥹 let her finish
(we reach for each other’s hands as far as my handcuffs allow)
Me: Right here.
Detective: What.
Me: Maybe the real jewels, were the friends we made along the way 🥺
My lawyer: I am BEGGING YOU to remain silent—
Detective: No no 🥹 let her finish
(we reach for each other’s hands as far as my handcuffs allow)
October 24, 2025 at 9:01 AM
Detective: I ask you again. Where are the jewels.
Me: Right here.
Detective: What.
Me: Maybe the real jewels, were the friends we made along the way 🥺
My lawyer: I am BEGGING YOU to remain silent—
Detective: No no 🥹 let her finish
(we reach for each other’s hands as far as my handcuffs allow)
Me: Right here.
Detective: What.
Me: Maybe the real jewels, were the friends we made along the way 🥺
My lawyer: I am BEGGING YOU to remain silent—
Detective: No no 🥹 let her finish
(we reach for each other’s hands as far as my handcuffs allow)
me: I would like to state on the record that I was NOT in Paris on sunday and certainly NOWHERE near the Louvre
officer: ma’am your brake light’s out
officer: ma’am your brake light’s out
October 21, 2025 at 4:21 PM
me: I would like to state on the record that I was NOT in Paris on sunday and certainly NOWHERE near the Louvre
officer: ma’am your brake light’s out
officer: ma’am your brake light’s out
Jesus returning to earth and seeing labubus: “I specifically said no idols”
September 3, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Jesus returning to earth and seeing labubus: “I specifically said no idols”
Cotton candy is like if candy was gaslighting your mouth.
Your mouth is like wait what I swear I was just eating candy? and cotton candy is like lmao no you weren’t, and furthermore you’re scaring me.
Your mouth is like wait what I swear I was just eating candy? and cotton candy is like lmao no you weren’t, and furthermore you’re scaring me.
August 12, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Cotton candy is like if candy was gaslighting your mouth.
Your mouth is like wait what I swear I was just eating candy? and cotton candy is like lmao no you weren’t, and furthermore you’re scaring me.
Your mouth is like wait what I swear I was just eating candy? and cotton candy is like lmao no you weren’t, and furthermore you’re scaring me.
I just feel like sending in the National Guard and Marines to a city that recently banded together and mobilized to fight devastating wildfires isn’t a good idea maybe
June 9, 2025 at 10:15 PM
I just feel like sending in the National Guard and Marines to a city that recently banded together and mobilized to fight devastating wildfires isn’t a good idea maybe
Okay picture this. Triathlon but it’s running, then the worm, followed by galloping on all fours. Do you see the vision.
June 4, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Okay picture this. Triathlon but it’s running, then the worm, followed by galloping on all fours. Do you see the vision.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents are trying to break me psychologically?
May 27, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Sometimes I wonder if my parents are trying to break me psychologically?
Me, pitching a reality show:
Ok picture this—a group of hot singles on a secluded island.
Over the next 30 days they learn healthy communication skills, conflict resolution, and explore mental health with therapists.
The prize? Friendship. And love 🥹
Network exec: How do you keep getting in here?
Ok picture this—a group of hot singles on a secluded island.
Over the next 30 days they learn healthy communication skills, conflict resolution, and explore mental health with therapists.
The prize? Friendship. And love 🥹
Network exec: How do you keep getting in here?
March 31, 2025 at 11:10 PM
Me, pitching a reality show:
Ok picture this—a group of hot singles on a secluded island.
Over the next 30 days they learn healthy communication skills, conflict resolution, and explore mental health with therapists.
The prize? Friendship. And love 🥹
Network exec: How do you keep getting in here?
Ok picture this—a group of hot singles on a secluded island.
Over the next 30 days they learn healthy communication skills, conflict resolution, and explore mental health with therapists.
The prize? Friendship. And love 🥹
Network exec: How do you keep getting in here?
me, to mother of a crying baby: have you tried telling it to lock in?
March 30, 2025 at 8:30 PM
me, to mother of a crying baby: have you tried telling it to lock in?
Me: If a queen serves in a forest and no one is around to see, does she even slay?
Therapist: I’ll be honest with you, I think she does. And that’s called forest fire
Me: Haha nice
Therapist: Looks like we’re out of time, that’ll be $150
Therapist: I’ll be honest with you, I think she does. And that’s called forest fire
Me: Haha nice
Therapist: Looks like we’re out of time, that’ll be $150
March 25, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Me: If a queen serves in a forest and no one is around to see, does she even slay?
Therapist: I’ll be honest with you, I think she does. And that’s called forest fire
Me: Haha nice
Therapist: Looks like we’re out of time, that’ll be $150
Therapist: I’ll be honest with you, I think she does. And that’s called forest fire
Me: Haha nice
Therapist: Looks like we’re out of time, that’ll be $150
Just tried doing a bronx accent in the privacy of my own home and immediately was so humbled I just stood there in silence with my hands at my temples
March 14, 2025 at 8:10 AM
Just tried doing a bronx accent in the privacy of my own home and immediately was so humbled I just stood there in silence with my hands at my temples
[Me, breaking into a fortune cookie]
Fortune cookie: The US will fall to sectarian violence in the next 60 years. Learn Chinese! 你們完蛋了。Nǐmen wándànle.
Me: Huh? This is not auspicious.
Fortune cookie: The US will fall to sectarian violence in the next 60 years. Learn Chinese! 你們完蛋了。Nǐmen wándànle.
Me: Huh? This is not auspicious.
March 9, 2025 at 5:20 PM
[Me, breaking into a fortune cookie]
Fortune cookie: The US will fall to sectarian violence in the next 60 years. Learn Chinese! 你們完蛋了。Nǐmen wándànle.
Me: Huh? This is not auspicious.
Fortune cookie: The US will fall to sectarian violence in the next 60 years. Learn Chinese! 你們完蛋了。Nǐmen wándànle.
Me: Huh? This is not auspicious.
Thinking about the time I was at the optometrist. He had me take my contacts out. After I put them back in, he asked if I wanted to keep the case. I hesitated and said no. He cheerfully said ok, then immediately tossed it in the trash under his desk 😂😂 Like why did I instantly feel bad
March 9, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Thinking about the time I was at the optometrist. He had me take my contacts out. After I put them back in, he asked if I wanted to keep the case. I hesitated and said no. He cheerfully said ok, then immediately tossed it in the trash under his desk 😂😂 Like why did I instantly feel bad
Me, approaching a group of snails on the ground: Excuse me, is this Conclave?
March 7, 2025 at 7:52 AM
Me, approaching a group of snails on the ground: Excuse me, is this Conclave?
Reposted by Joycieface
This is Kevin and Creed. They don't know how they got in this situation, but had already decided to simply accept their fate. 13/10 for both
March 4, 2025 at 11:11 PM
This is Kevin and Creed. They don't know how they got in this situation, but had already decided to simply accept their fate. 13/10 for both
When I set up a joke and I’m waiting for my friend to respond I’m like those dogs playing hide and seek but their tails are furiously wagging
February 28, 2025 at 9:08 PM
When I set up a joke and I’m waiting for my friend to respond I’m like those dogs playing hide and seek but their tails are furiously wagging
Saying grace but it’s just me rubbing my hands together and saying “scrumpdiddlyumptious”
February 27, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Saying grace but it’s just me rubbing my hands together and saying “scrumpdiddlyumptious”
Did you know that if you look at something extremely cute when you’re feeling extremely stressed, it’ll make you want to cry? Me neither!
February 27, 2025 at 8:21 AM
Did you know that if you look at something extremely cute when you’re feeling extremely stressed, it’ll make you want to cry? Me neither!
Kind of inspiring that “foolish” made it into formal vocabulary.
That’s not a word. That was somebody fumbling around trying to describe what a fool might do.
Peak fake-it-til-you-make-it energy.
That’s not a word. That was somebody fumbling around trying to describe what a fool might do.
Peak fake-it-til-you-make-it energy.
February 24, 2025 at 8:14 AM
Kind of inspiring that “foolish” made it into formal vocabulary.
That’s not a word. That was somebody fumbling around trying to describe what a fool might do.
Peak fake-it-til-you-make-it energy.
That’s not a word. That was somebody fumbling around trying to describe what a fool might do.
Peak fake-it-til-you-make-it energy.
I don’t think my soul makes sense inside a body. idk how to explain it. I feel like I was meant to be an ocean or something but God put me in a body and I’m like huh??? HUH??? *sloshing noises*
February 18, 2025 at 4:51 AM
I don’t think my soul makes sense inside a body. idk how to explain it. I feel like I was meant to be an ocean or something but God put me in a body and I’m like huh??? HUH??? *sloshing noises*
Reposted by Joycieface
As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.
February 16, 2025 at 11:51 AM
As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.
Reposted by Joycieface
Why would you make your narrator unreliable. I trusted you and purchased this book and this is how you repay me
February 12, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Why would you make your narrator unreliable. I trusted you and purchased this book and this is how you repay me
I inquired of my friend whether latino or hispanic is the preferred term. He said on applications it asks hispanic or latino.
And now I’m convinced it’s not a yes or no question, they’re just asking which word to use.
And now I’m convinced it’s not a yes or no question, they’re just asking which word to use.
February 5, 2025 at 5:35 PM
I inquired of my friend whether latino or hispanic is the preferred term. He said on applications it asks hispanic or latino.
And now I’m convinced it’s not a yes or no question, they’re just asking which word to use.
And now I’m convinced it’s not a yes or no question, they’re just asking which word to use.