i have been crying for days. DAYS. from the moment i've realized that everything is going against me, AGAIN. i just wish i didn't need to go through all this. i wish to be out of this. i could never EVER believe that i have a way out of this, for i am doomed, always doomed

i only have myself from the beginning of when i gained consciousness, and up to the future that's still not for me. it will never be for me. it's always been against me.

i feel like an outsider, an outsider to my own life, to my peers, to the world around me. i was not made to feel the fruits of it but rather to be an outsider— the spectator. i have to watch it all— i will never be out of this. i will always be the last one.

Every step we take, every win, every failure... I want to be in it... I hope to find and meet you again— maybe in my next life, I will marry you in a socialist state. Where we are safe and free from this fascism and productively contributing to the society...

I didn't know when it started to die down. The place I used to love just grew dimmer, I could hardly see. It was a mess. I just noticed when I was trying to wake up from that dream. I saw it all. I saw it all die down. I saw it at all that I'm no longer worthy of the effort.

Not until one day, I didn't know when it started– but the frequency has just reduced. I tried every way of lighting things up. I didn't get to try the stone ages way of lighting, but it did get me light up a cigarette. The burning sensation and filling your lungs teaches you that you're alive.

teka, tungkol pa ba sa bulaklak ng dangwa ito? yung mga sinasabi ko parang bulaklak lang din na tuloy tuloy sa paglago. parang halaman na nag-uugat sa ilalim ng lupa na hindi mo namamalayang kumakalat na pala!

palaging may dahilan... matututunan mong lamigan ang iyong nararamdaman kasi may dahilan. nakakasira rin ng ulo, ano? nakakainis kasi...

gusto ko na sa simula at huli ng araw ay ramdam ko na para sa akin ang mga bagay na to. na hindi ko na kailangan pang magkaroon ng lungkot sa puso...

nakaka-bitter, ano? tuwing araw ng mga puso nakakainis na ako yung kailangang sumaya para sa iba. well, nakatanggap naman ako dati pero bakit palagi akong huli?

para akong bata na nanonood ng telenovela. present na present dito yung cheesy na kiligan. yung tradisyonal na ligawan. gusto ko rin siguro nun. hindi, gusto ko talaga.

kasama sa bawat talulot ang bawat dahilan na bitbit mo kung bakit ka naroon.

hindi ko ramdam kahit kailan, hindi ko rin naisip. meron ba akong paboritong bulaklak? ni minsan ay hindi ko siya nagustuhan. kahit na iguhit ay ayaw na ayaw ko siyang ginagawa.

nakakainis aminin pero baka inggit lang.

to be a pest in the society. to be tagged as someone that's slowing down the success of our own country. we have lived in the streets, in the dark, stripped by our own basic needs just for YOU to be comfortable in your own homes. we are rats. we are pests.

niluwa mo ang buto— ang simbolo ng pinang galingan nito. hindi mo gusto ang nilalaman nito— siguro ay gusto mo lang ang hitsura nito. hindi ka handang namnamin ang bawat lasa nito. siguro nga'y maselan ka sa pagkain mo, no? pero sa pagiging maselan mo, bakit ako pa ang pinili mo?