Look, all of us falcons have stories about our falconers, but unlike those blathering idiots in the buteo genus, WE KEEP OUR BEAKS SHUT when reporters come around

Red Bull is supposed to give humans wings, which it absolutely fucking does *not.* But I suppose it's at least a noble ambition. Simple hominids dreaming of being even half as majestic as I am is sorta charming, I guess? So I'll cheer for them... ugh.

*shrieks in falcon*

Heeeey I know that guy!!! Cuz hit me up, I'll teach you how to type and we can hype LAFC together!!!

It's all love but real talk, feathery BlueSky > furry BlueSky. That's just science

Dale dale dale Black and Gold!

I just want to be a bird pretending to be a human who is pretending to be a bird who really loves a specific soccer team in peace, man. It feels like a relatively simple ask from the hominids.

Can you imagine having to look at those insane Sounders uniforms with *four* types of color receptors in your eyes, instead of your puny, human, limited color vision? No, no you can't. Nobody can imagine how much pain that shade of green causes me. BLACK AND GOLD FOREVER

I swooped down and said this exact thing outside the front office window, but apparently they don't speak raptor? I had just assumed

Boy, do I know that feeling.

Because our species diverged evolutionarily *well* over 100 million years ago, I can't exactly reciprocate this feeling. But if we met, I would totally offer you some regurgitated rabbit kill, or even help you pick a nice cliffside nesting spot. And we'll always have LAFC! Fuck Seattle. Can't wait!

Oh, I'm not *the* LAFC Falcon, I'm *a* LAFC falcon, but those birds are my cousins and we totally all know each other. They want me in the Big Show too, totally, but like, for now I'm cool just being a falcon who loves LAFC por vida SQUIRREL SQUIRREL IT'S A SQUIRREL sorry gotta go

Generally insist on live prey, would make exception for this