Just call me Les.
@lesmartin.bsky.social
Left leaning, anti Brexit, I will post rubbish jokes, you have been warned!
I’m that skint I’ve just opened a door on my advent calendar and a bailiff was stood there!!
December 15, 2025 at 3:42 PM
I’m that skint I’ve just opened a door on my advent calendar and a bailiff was stood there!!
Got told this morning to go follow my dreams .
So I went back to sleep
So I went back to sleep
December 15, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Got told this morning to go follow my dreams .
So I went back to sleep
So I went back to sleep
What does a snowman and Andrew Mountbatten have in common?
They're both out in the cold!
They're both out in the cold!
December 15, 2025 at 1:31 PM
What does a snowman and Andrew Mountbatten have in common?
They're both out in the cold!
They're both out in the cold!
Santa has visited Farage's house in Clacton more than he has.
December 15, 2025 at 1:28 PM
Santa has visited Farage's house in Clacton more than he has.
No matter how good the hand soap smells, never walk out of a bathroom sniffing your fingers.
December 15, 2025 at 11:16 AM
No matter how good the hand soap smells, never walk out of a bathroom sniffing your fingers.
A note to UK visitors: Bury in Lancashire is a place, not an instruction........
December 15, 2025 at 7:37 AM
A note to UK visitors: Bury in Lancashire is a place, not an instruction........
"Sir, the entire planet has been taken over by worms."
Me: Sounds like a case of...
*removes sunglasses*
Global Worming.
Me: Sounds like a case of...
*removes sunglasses*
Global Worming.
December 15, 2025 at 6:47 AM
"Sir, the entire planet has been taken over by worms."
Me: Sounds like a case of...
*removes sunglasses*
Global Worming.
Me: Sounds like a case of...
*removes sunglasses*
Global Worming.
For Christmas I was given a jar of cherries in brandy. I was grateful not just for the cherries, but for the spirit in which it was given!
December 14, 2025 at 8:29 PM
For Christmas I was given a jar of cherries in brandy. I was grateful not just for the cherries, but for the spirit in which it was given!
I don’t dvise using the v cuum cle ner on your keybo rd.
December 14, 2025 at 7:40 PM
I don’t dvise using the v cuum cle ner on your keybo rd.
Just played football against the lemonade factory.
They were 7up by half time.
They were 7up by half time.
December 14, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Just played football against the lemonade factory.
They were 7up by half time.
They were 7up by half time.
It's Beginning to Cost a Lot Like Christmas
December 14, 2025 at 5:44 PM
It's Beginning to Cost a Lot Like Christmas
I bumped into an old friend the other day. She said, "Watch where you're going you clumsy git" .
December 14, 2025 at 5:43 PM
I bumped into an old friend the other day. She said, "Watch where you're going you clumsy git" .
TWELVE QUID to see Santa!! Waited in the queue for over 50 minutes, for a 1 minute meeting! And given a rubbish toy, what a bloody rip off! I AM ABSOLUTELY FUMING!!!!!! So glad I didn't take the kids
December 14, 2025 at 5:34 PM
TWELVE QUID to see Santa!! Waited in the queue for over 50 minutes, for a 1 minute meeting! And given a rubbish toy, what a bloody rip off! I AM ABSOLUTELY FUMING!!!!!! So glad I didn't take the kids
Interesting fact!
Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be, the headstone of the oldest ever man..............
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin!
Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be, the headstone of the oldest ever man..............
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin!
December 14, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Interesting fact!
Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be, the headstone of the oldest ever man..............
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin!
Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be, the headstone of the oldest ever man..............
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin!
I am going to see how many LP's I can fit in a shoebox.
It should be a record breaking event!
It should be a record breaking event!
December 14, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I am going to see how many LP's I can fit in a shoebox.
It should be a record breaking event!
It should be a record breaking event!
Every Christmas we'd run downstairs to the big pile of presents, and start unwrapping them as fast as we could, there would be fights over who had the best gifts, make up later, down and have a 3 hour dinner before watching telly for the rest of the day. really miss working at the Mail sorting offic
December 14, 2025 at 12:42 PM
Every Christmas we'd run downstairs to the big pile of presents, and start unwrapping them as fast as we could, there would be fights over who had the best gifts, make up later, down and have a 3 hour dinner before watching telly for the rest of the day. really miss working at the Mail sorting offic
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
December 14, 2025 at 11:21 AM
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
The Noise Abatement Society is proud to record another zero turnout for this year’s Annual Carol Service.
December 14, 2025 at 11:20 AM
The Noise Abatement Society is proud to record another zero turnout for this year’s Annual Carol Service.
I'm so peeved. Turns out that anvil I bought isn't genuine, it was forged!!
December 14, 2025 at 9:01 AM
I'm so peeved. Turns out that anvil I bought isn't genuine, it was forged!!
I don't believe in reincarnation, who wants to come back as a tin of condensed milk anyway?
December 14, 2025 at 7:18 AM
I don't believe in reincarnation, who wants to come back as a tin of condensed milk anyway?
Once, in a Moscow hotel, I was stung by what I thought at the time was a dodgy looking wasp.
Although now I suspect it was the cagey bee..
Although now I suspect it was the cagey bee..
December 13, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Once, in a Moscow hotel, I was stung by what I thought at the time was a dodgy looking wasp.
Although now I suspect it was the cagey bee..
Although now I suspect it was the cagey bee..
They dont make antiques like they used to
December 13, 2025 at 7:34 PM
They dont make antiques like they used to
I thought that I owned the gap between two tectonic plates but someone else is claiming that it actually belongs to him.
I contacted my lawyer to see whose fault it is
I contacted my lawyer to see whose fault it is
December 13, 2025 at 5:57 PM
I thought that I owned the gap between two tectonic plates but someone else is claiming that it actually belongs to him.
I contacted my lawyer to see whose fault it is
I contacted my lawyer to see whose fault it is
I’ve just started playing lawn bowls; it’s a real learning curve.
December 13, 2025 at 3:18 PM
I’ve just started playing lawn bowls; it’s a real learning curve.
Cataarggh - that feeling you get in your throat in the morning after you've accidentally swallowed a cat the night before......
December 13, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Cataarggh - that feeling you get in your throat in the morning after you've accidentally swallowed a cat the night before......