Elizabeth Kleinfeld
@lizkleinfeld.bsky.social
Writer, professor, researcher obsessed with dis/ability, rhetoric, social justice, grief. Caregiver turned widow. Feminist killjoy. Optimist. https://elizabethkleinfeld.com/links/
The urge to fix someone's pain is natural. But for the person suffering, being fixed can feel like being dismissed.
What they often need instead: someone willing to sit still and bear witness. #caregiving #listen
Holding Space Instead of Answers
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
What they often need instead: someone willing to sit still and bear witness. #caregiving #listen
Holding Space Instead of Answers
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
Holding Space Instead of Answers
How to support someone in pain
open.substack.com
October 7, 2025 at 3:46 PM
The urge to fix someone's pain is natural. But for the person suffering, being fixed can feel like being dismissed.
What they often need instead: someone willing to sit still and bear witness. #caregiving #listen
Holding Space Instead of Answers
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
What they often need instead: someone willing to sit still and bear witness. #caregiving #listen
Holding Space Instead of Answers
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
I used to think I needed someone else to validate my experiences. Then I started dining alone, traveling with my cane, choosing my own adventures. Turns out the person I was waiting for was me. ##grief#griefhttps://elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-art-of-going-solo
The Art of Going Solo
Learning that my own company is enough
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
September 23, 2025 at 8:58 PM
I used to think I needed someone else to validate my experiences. Then I started dining alone, traveling with my cane, choosing my own adventures. Turns out the person I was waiting for was me. ##grief#griefhttps://elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-art-of-going-solo
If you're struggling with someone who makes you question your reality, this one's for you. New blog post about radical acceptance and how I learned to protect my peace without losing myself in the process. #narcissist
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radically-...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radically-...
Radically Accepting a Narcissist
Freeing myself from the endless cycle of hope and disappointment
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
September 16, 2025 at 3:24 PM
If you're struggling with someone who makes you question your reality, this one's for you. New blog post about radical acceptance and how I learned to protect my peace without losing myself in the process. #narcissist
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radically-...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radically-...
Think that four years after someone dies, you should be “over” them? That's not my experience, and I'm not going to pretend it should be. #Grief at four years out looks different but isn't easier. For anyone tired of timeline pressure around loss.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/missing-my...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/missing-my...
Missing my husband, four years after his death
Love doesn't end when someone dies—and neither should talking about it
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
September 9, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Think that four years after someone dies, you should be “over” them? That's not my experience, and I'm not going to pretend it should be. #Grief at four years out looks different but isn't easier. For anyone tired of timeline pressure around loss.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/missing-my...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/missing-my...
I just took 10 days off and had to confront my own internalized #ableism. Society tells us disabled people are "lazy" and living easy lives on government money. Reality? Managing #disability is exhausting, invisible work.
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
Disabled People Need Time Off, Too
On internalized ableism and the myth of the “lucky” disabled person
open.substack.com
August 19, 2025 at 2:39 PM
I just took 10 days off and had to confront my own internalized #ableism. Society tells us disabled people are "lazy" and living easy lives on government money. Reality? Managing #disability is exhausting, invisible work.
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
open.substack.com/pub/elizabet...
I got broken up with while I was in brain surgery rehab. It stings, but I'm learning that #radicalacceptance and #AndreaGibson's #radicaltenderness mean softening toward rather than away from someone who's caused you pain. We create #Closure.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/creating-c...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/creating-c...
Creating Closure When the Universe Won't Give It to You
Another lesson in radical acceptance
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
July 22, 2025 at 8:03 PM
I got broken up with while I was in brain surgery rehab. It stings, but I'm learning that #radicalacceptance and #AndreaGibson's #radicaltenderness mean softening toward rather than away from someone who's caused you pain. We create #Closure.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/creating-c...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/creating-c...
"I keep thinking I'm returning to my old life but I'm not. I have a new life now post-brain surgery." Sometimes grief hits when you least expect it—and that's okay. We're in the land of "ands": my current life is wonderful AND I miss my old life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/grieving-m...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/grieving-m...
Grieving My Beautiful Before
Loving The life that Was, Accepting the life that Is
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
July 15, 2025 at 5:34 PM
"I keep thinking I'm returning to my old life but I'm not. I have a new life now post-brain surgery." Sometimes grief hits when you least expect it—and that's okay. We're in the land of "ands": my current life is wonderful AND I miss my old life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/grieving-m...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/grieving-m...
Coming home from rehab has been a masterclass in #radicalacceptance. Not just accepting my new reality, but accepting that my new reality impacts the reality of others. #BrainInjuryRecovery #IntentionalLiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radical-ac...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radical-ac...
Radical acceptance is an ongoing practice
not something you do just once and move on from
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
July 1, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Coming home from rehab has been a masterclass in #radicalacceptance. Not just accepting my new reality, but accepting that my new reality impacts the reality of others. #BrainInjuryRecovery #IntentionalLiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radical-ac...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/radical-ac...
My brain surgery is tomorrow and I am scared.
As Buddhist teacher Josh Korda says, "what we resist persists." So instead of pushing away the fear, I'm holding space for it.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
As Buddhist teacher Josh Korda says, "what we resist persists." So instead of pushing away the fear, I'm holding space for it.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
My brain surgery is tomorrow and I am scared
How I'm holding space for my fear
open.substack.com
June 5, 2025 at 6:47 PM
My brain surgery is tomorrow and I am scared.
As Buddhist teacher Josh Korda says, "what we resist persists." So instead of pushing away the fear, I'm holding space for it.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
As Buddhist teacher Josh Korda says, "what we resist persists." So instead of pushing away the fear, I'm holding space for it.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
At 55, I never expected to need supervision for dog walks and showers. I promised I wouldn't put my daughter through what my father put me through. I swore I'd age gracefully—but I meant in TWENTY YEARS, not now!
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/understand...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/understand...
Understanding the high price of stubbornness
it turns out that my stubborn need for independence makes me a pain in the ass
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
May 20, 2025 at 1:06 PM
At 55, I never expected to need supervision for dog walks and showers. I promised I wouldn't put my daughter through what my father put me through. I swore I'd age gracefully—but I meant in TWENTY YEARS, not now!
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/understand...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/understand...
The math sucks: My brain bleed doubled my sister's #dementia #caregiving load. I'm stuck with guilt, attached to an idealized version of me who never fails. Sometimes stepping back isn't failure but necessity, even when someone else pays the price.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/may-naviga...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/may-naviga...
MAY: Navigating Caregiving When You Need Care Yourself
Clinging to shoulds only leads to suffering
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
May 14, 2025 at 1:16 AM
The math sucks: My brain bleed doubled my sister's #dementia #caregiving load. I'm stuck with guilt, attached to an idealized version of me who never fails. Sometimes stepping back isn't failure but necessity, even when someone else pays the price.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/may-naviga...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/may-naviga...
My inoperable brain mass helps me understand that being at peace doesn’t = being tranquil & calm all the time. I was not tranquil at midnight in the ICU. But that mass—and the grief & fear—are part of my life now. Accepting that is peace. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-to-be-...
How to Be at Peace with Whatever Happens
It doesn't mean there's no grief
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
April 29, 2025 at 3:47 PM
My inoperable brain mass helps me understand that being at peace doesn’t = being tranquil & calm all the time. I was not tranquil at midnight in the ICU. But that mass—and the grief & fear—are part of my life now. Accepting that is peace. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-to-be-...
While I track deadlines in orderly time, my father w/ dementia lives where breakfast was "a week ago." Professional culture pretends caregiving happens in a parallel universe that doesn't affect our work. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-myth-o...
The Myth of Separate Caregiving
Between work's clock and my father's folded time
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
April 22, 2025 at 2:53 PM
While I track deadlines in orderly time, my father w/ dementia lives where breakfast was "a week ago." Professional culture pretends caregiving happens in a parallel universe that doesn't affect our work. elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-myth-o...
The essay that got me named a Best Emerging Writer of 2024 is live! Heads-up family/friends: it contains an explicit sex scene describing intimate aspects of my relationship with Tom after his stroke. I'm proud of the work, but I understand if this is TMI for you.
mastersreview.com/driftwood-by...
mastersreview.com/driftwood-by...
Best Emerging Writers 2024: “Driftwood” by Elizabeth Kleinfeld - The Masters Review
The possibility of having hot sex was half the reason for our stay at the Art Hotel. With Denver on COVID lockdown, except for hospital stays and doctor’s appointments, we hadn’t left our house in mon...
mastersreview.com
April 15, 2025 at 7:02 PM
The essay that got me named a Best Emerging Writer of 2024 is live! Heads-up family/friends: it contains an explicit sex scene describing intimate aspects of my relationship with Tom after his stroke. I'm proud of the work, but I understand if this is TMI for you.
mastersreview.com/driftwood-by...
mastersreview.com/driftwood-by...
This week’s post explores the impossibility of perfectly preserving someone's legacy & the bittersweet process of making a shared space mine.
If you've lost someone & found yourself navigating the spaces they left behind, this one might resonate. 💛
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/gardening-...
If you've lost someone & found yourself navigating the spaces they left behind, this one might resonate. 💛
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/gardening-...
Gardening in the Shadow of Memory
Damn it, I miss my husband
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
April 15, 2025 at 4:41 PM
This week’s post explores the impossibility of perfectly preserving someone's legacy & the bittersweet process of making a shared space mine.
If you've lost someone & found yourself navigating the spaces they left behind, this one might resonate. 💛
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/gardening-...
If you've lost someone & found yourself navigating the spaces they left behind, this one might resonate. 💛
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/gardening-...
I recount a day that involved watching my father shine with joy and later frantically searching for him in the dark.
For anyone #caregiving or with a loved one with #dementia, I share strategies to find connection with worry in the background.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/april-bein...
For anyone #caregiving or with a loved one with #dementia, I share strategies to find connection with worry in the background.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/april-bein...
APRIL: Being Here with Fleeting Joy and Persistent Worry
Holding the contradictions of caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
April 8, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I recount a day that involved watching my father shine with joy and later frantically searching for him in the dark.
For anyone #caregiving or with a loved one with #dementia, I share strategies to find connection with worry in the background.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/april-bein...
For anyone #caregiving or with a loved one with #dementia, I share strategies to find connection with worry in the background.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/april-bein...
I blogged about deciding people matter more than a messy house. I texted family despite the dust bunnies & directed them to the yard. Nobody cared about the mess. Connection doesn't require perfection, just courage to let people see your real life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/scruffy-ho...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/scruffy-ho...
Scruffy Hospitality: The Dust Bunnies Can Stay
connecting while caregiving doesn't have to be pretty
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
April 2, 2025 at 12:13 AM
I blogged about deciding people matter more than a messy house. I texted family despite the dust bunnies & directed them to the yard. Nobody cared about the mess. Connection doesn't require perfection, just courage to let people see your real life.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/scruffy-ho...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/scruffy-ho...
The notes I find around my father’s house give me a glimpse into his dementia-fogged brain: starting with clear purpose ("oil service") before wandering into disconnected lists of cheeses and the mysterious single word "bowls."
#Dementia #caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-dement...
#Dementia #caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-dement...
How Dementia Defies Our Expectations
and How Caregivers Can Cope
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
March 25, 2025 at 2:35 PM
The notes I find around my father’s house give me a glimpse into his dementia-fogged brain: starting with clear purpose ("oil service") before wandering into disconnected lists of cheeses and the mysterious single word "bowls."
#Dementia #caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-dement...
#Dementia #caregiving
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/how-dement...
"I had so many plans," my 87-year-old father said. As he faces the move to assisted living, I'm witnessing the quiet grief of acknowledging what will remain undone.
We all carry unfinished lists. Which items on your overflowing list actually matter?
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-unfini...
We all carry unfinished lists. Which items on your overflowing list actually matter?
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-unfini...
The Unfinished List
We all die with things undone
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
March 18, 2025 at 2:09 PM
"I had so many plans," my 87-year-old father said. As he faces the move to assisted living, I'm witnessing the quiet grief of acknowledging what will remain undone.
We all carry unfinished lists. Which items on your overflowing list actually matter?
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-unfini...
We all carry unfinished lists. Which items on your overflowing list actually matter?
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/the-unfini...
Saturday. My father asks for the 4th time why I don't rent a vehicle—forgetting again my low vision. Minutes later, I'm in his bathroom, finding sanctuary. The fake bathroom break is an ancient survival strategy. #neurodiversity #grief #disability
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/march-in-p...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/march-in-p...
MARCH: In Praise of the Fake Bathroom Break
Hello, friend.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
March 11, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Saturday. My father asks for the 4th time why I don't rent a vehicle—forgetting again my low vision. Minutes later, I'm in his bathroom, finding sanctuary. The fake bathroom break is an ancient survival strategy. #neurodiversity #grief #disability
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/march-in-p...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/march-in-p...
Reposted by Elizabeth Kleinfeld
As I was saying in my last post: to understand how terrible things happen, look to the conditions that created and allowed for them to happen. When terrible things persist, look to the conditions that perpetuate them. If we don't understand the conditions, we will not be able to respond effectively.
We witnessed things like RICO charges being levied at protesters fighting cop city in ATL, mask bans that lock disabled ppl out of public life, students facing federal charges for peaceful protests, all under Democratic leadership. I wrote about how Dems set the stage for Trump's attacks on speech
The attacks on free speech should terrify us all
+ Pipe Rock Theory, Beta babies, the toy collectible boom, re-buttonification, a Portnoy memoir, and Ye Squad vs the Bruzz House
www.usermag.co
March 10, 2025 at 8:12 PM
As I was saying in my last post: to understand how terrible things happen, look to the conditions that created and allowed for them to happen. When terrible things persist, look to the conditions that perpetuate them. If we don't understand the conditions, we will not be able to respond effectively.
When the dumpster fire of our current administration or the demands of #caregiving wipe me out, I whisper to myself: "I give myself permission to be completely present."
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/being-pres...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/being-pres...
Being Present in the Midst of Chaos
How a simple ritual brings me peace
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
March 5, 2025 at 1:18 AM
When the dumpster fire of our current administration or the demands of #caregiving wipe me out, I whisper to myself: "I give myself permission to be completely present."
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/being-pres...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/being-pres...
Reposted by Elizabeth Kleinfeld
Repost & like, if you stand with President Zelensky!
February 28, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Repost & like, if you stand with President Zelensky!
Reposted by Elizabeth Kleinfeld
"History will remember this day— when an American President and Vice President abandoned all we stand for."
February 28, 2025 at 9:25 PM
"History will remember this day— when an American President and Vice President abandoned all we stand for."
My latest post explores the physical & emotional reality of caring for both my father & daughter while managing my own limitations. My late husband's joke about wanting "a kiss and a fresh diaper" turned out to be profound wisdom about caregiving.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/caregiving...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/caregiving...
Caregiving with Love and Dignity
for Myself and Them
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com
February 25, 2025 at 4:54 PM
My latest post explores the physical & emotional reality of caring for both my father & daughter while managing my own limitations. My late husband's joke about wanting "a kiss and a fresh diaper" turned out to be profound wisdom about caregiving.
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/caregiving...
elizabethkleinfeld.substack.com/p/caregiving...