one day i’ll have the pedalboard of my dreams, yall just watch

two gay wivesssss

i’m clinically a morning dog because i’ve tried to brute force a more palatable sleep schedule and nothing works, my clock was predetermined as a pup and i cannot unweave the threads of fate

rrfffffffff 🥴🥴🥴

i would let her hit and slam and choke and bite and-

a missed “i like my movies like i like my sex” joke somewhere in here ig

that last bit isn’t a joke. it better fuck me up severely if u want me to say i liked it.

wrawrfffffff nuzzles my muzzle into ur neck

u and me are both sativa enjoyers, blessssss

i love u too…. i wish that so much too, for both of us

it is genuinely one of those things that i wish i didn't place so much stock into but when looking at the totality of all the circumstances i'm like... damn, there's no silver lining to this at all lmao

i'm sorry to hear that u can relate ;; wish we didn't have to deal with this shit

one that isn’t chronically ill with things that make sex and intimacy difficult. one that can be spontaneous and not have to consider the health logistics of every decision. one that can find love in the vessel they’ve been given despite the flaws. i hope i can be all of this one day.

idk. i’ll delete this one day but i just needed to be transparent that im doing poorly and its been so many years in the making and i just want something to get better. my pack keeps me going and im so grateful but dog i wish i could be more for them. i wish i could be a better partner.

all of this on top of the fact that these abscesses and fistulas have made it impossible for me to have gender affirming surgery just cements the fact that i’m constantly at war with a body that already felt foreign to me - i have a hard time feeling love for something that brings me so much pain.

i feel so gross because i can’t make this stop. my body is weak and i will never be able to bottom again. i can’t even let partners get close because i am so afraid of grossing them out and it is making me actually so mentally unwell in ways i can’t seem to shake. i just want to have another body.

in addition, my crohn’s causes arthritis and reflux, so the rest of my body (joints and teeth specifically) is paying the price as well. traveling puts me in substantial pain, and it’s very hard for me to feel comfortable with closeness and intimacy with such an awful thing looming constantly.

i’ve had over a dozen surgeries to combat these complications of my crohn’s, to the point where i will likely never have a normal quality of life when it comes to my lower gastrointestinal tract. i have to wear gauze pads 24/7 and change them multiple times a day. it’s disgusting an embarrassing.