I almost had a panic attack after I got told what happened, I was genuinely shocked. Now I'm just feeling a mix of sadness and anger. I might have done the right thing by cutting ties, but losing someone that mattered to me like this is just too much for me to handle at the moment.

I just hoped that this one time I really mattered to someone but I was wrong yet again. All this time I've been supporting a horrible person and they didn't even bother telling me the truth after confronting them... in fact they just flat out ignored me which already tells me all I needed to know.

I genuinely hope that things will improve next year. I do want to start with therapy, hrt and laser hair removal in 2026... but still, I feel like I'm transitioning way too late and I might not be happy with the results. Still, it's the only choice I have if I ever want to live a life worth living.

Waking up and knowing that I'm allowed to just be myself calms me down a lot... but at the same time I barely know who I really am. I only know that whatever I am at the moment is something I don't want to lose anymore.

Looking back, there were so many signs... but I just didn't understand any of them. I don't know if I was just too young to understand.

Coming out to myself and finally acknowledging these emotions helped a lot, even though the rest of my life is still a wreck.

Developing your own Minecraft server will fix you (it will actually drive you insane)

anything with fruit in them is peak for me, cherry & peach are my fav so far :3

I try to be active both here and on Twitter, so expect all kinds of stuff being posted here: Nerdy things about my projects, personal stuff & random thoughts. All safe for work of course. :3

You can find all my socials on my personal website: luma.fm

My main project at the moment is PaintSquad which is a paint-based multiplayer FPS game in Minecraft (fully vanilla btw), inspired by a certain silly squid game :3

Here is some test gameplay in case you're interested. It's still WIP but I have huge plans for the future
youtu.be/S-DIKi3d2zY