Matt
@mattukernow.bsky.social
610 followers 450 following 3.7K posts
Arboriculturist in Cornwall. Mostly here for #TheArchers. You've been warned.
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mattukernow.bsky.social
"Hello, Natural England."
"Hi, I'd like to report an invasive pest."
"OK. We will require evidence before we can act."
"Fine, I can collect a sample..."
"Hmmm. We really need more solid proof. Could you get a child to do a crude drawing of it?"
mattukernow.bsky.social
You can't block all my email addresses!
mattukernow.bsky.social
Absolute madness. As a millennial, I cannot condone this bizarre and outdated nonsense. Yes, technically a phone *could* be used to speak to people, in much the same way that a toaster *could* be used to prop open a door, but it's not its intended function.
Reposted by Matt
countbinface.bsky.social
I hereby declare war on premature Christmassing.

Any shop caught doing this before 1st December must be shut down and turned into affordable housing.

Choose sanity. Vote Binface.

(Photo dated 9th October 2025)
mattukernow.bsky.social
Not too bad, thanks!
mattukernow.bsky.social
Are Amber and Brad playing an 80s arcade game? #TheArchers
mattukernow.bsky.social
Feels like a lot of admin involved in this. If I were an angry gangster wanting revenge, I'd just stab him or write a strongly worded letter or something. #TheArchers
mattukernow.bsky.social
No. It's not something they ever release.
mattukernow.bsky.social
The Nobel Prize committee have the opportunity to do something truly hilarious and give the peace prize to Hilary Clinton.
mattukernow.bsky.social
It seems to be all sodding delivery companies. There's a real gap in the market for a delivery company who aren't shit at life.
mattukernow.bsky.social
Millionaire shortbread.
mattukernow.bsky.social
It's basically a chutney. It's a mix of veg, brined then pickled. Normally cauliflower, beans, onions, courgettes. It has mustard and turmeric.
mattukernow.bsky.social
So how's this going to work then? Someone wants a Kit Kat and Susan springs into the Shopmobile? #TheArchers
mattukernow.bsky.social
"Are you two getting off?"
"What? No, we're just friends."
#TheArchers
mattukernow.bsky.social
Bath tub? I'm right, aren't I?
mattukernow.bsky.social
Happy birthday, my fellow Octoberling. All the best people were born this week.
mattukernow.bsky.social
Branston pickle is horribly sweet.
mattukernow.bsky.social
I guess it's not particularly sweet.
mattukernow.bsky.social
Surely structural pastry is going to be tough as old boots? #GBBO
mattukernow.bsky.social
My wife and mother in law are obsessed with it and insist I make it. I could take or leave it.
mattukernow.bsky.social
Connect Four. It's called Connect Four. #GBBO
mattukernow.bsky.social
Doesn't need a hole? Have these people ever heard of pie? #GBBO
mattukernow.bsky.social
Well, yeah, Paul... you ARE the older generation. #GBBO