Matty Breeze
@mattybreeze1984.bsky.social
Just your average, 40-year-old man with a favorite dinosaur.
shop.figurecollections.com
shop.figurecollections.com
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Matty Breeze
@mattybreeze1984.bsky.social
· Nov 23
FUN FACT ABOUT ME:
I’m independently wealthy because my Dad created all of the fake meat for the original Super Market Sweep.
I’m independently wealthy because my Dad created all of the fake meat for the original Super Market Sweep.
What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
The tides will be disrupted, there’ll be massive flooding, Mary. Menstrual cycles will be out of whack, Mary. Female baboons will rip each other’s faces off, Mary.
The tides will be disrupted, there’ll be massive flooding, Mary. Menstrual cycles will be out of whack, Mary. Female baboons will rip each other’s faces off, Mary.
December 25, 2025 at 9:15 AM
What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
The tides will be disrupted, there’ll be massive flooding, Mary. Menstrual cycles will be out of whack, Mary. Female baboons will rip each other’s faces off, Mary.
The tides will be disrupted, there’ll be massive flooding, Mary. Menstrual cycles will be out of whack, Mary. Female baboons will rip each other’s faces off, Mary.
Pat! Could you DO me a favor? Could you REST in peace?!?
December 24, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Pat! Could you DO me a favor? Could you REST in peace?!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Wow! We’re coming to Portland and Seattle! Tickets now on sale at birdfuck.com/live
December 18, 2025 at 7:14 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HUGE thanks to @sethsommerfeld.bsky.social and the @inlander.com for making another dream come true! It was lots of fun sharing my story of working with @figurecollections.bsky.social and @cbbworld.bsky.social in my favorite hometown paper!
December 18, 2025 at 4:16 PM
HUGE thanks to @sethsommerfeld.bsky.social and the @inlander.com for making another dream come true! It was lots of fun sharing my story of working with @figurecollections.bsky.social and @cbbworld.bsky.social in my favorite hometown paper!
I am ready to declare, once and for all, that On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is, in fact, a CHRISTMAS MOVIE!
December 18, 2025 at 2:42 PM
I am ready to declare, once and for all, that On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is, in fact, a CHRISTMAS MOVIE!
Reposted by Matty Breeze
this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.
December 15, 2025 at 8:18 PM
this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.
Happy 100th Birthday to Dick Tracy (1990) star, Dick Van Dyke.
December 13, 2025 at 3:19 PM
Happy 100th Birthday to Dick Tracy (1990) star, Dick Van Dyke.
I’m going to open an overrated chicken restaurant that’s only open on Sunday and call it Chick-Fil-Atheist.
December 12, 2025 at 3:06 PM
I’m going to open an overrated chicken restaurant that’s only open on Sunday and call it Chick-Fil-Atheist.
If you pour the McDonald’s Grinch Salt on the Universal Studios Who Hash does it tear a rift in the space-time continuum?
December 11, 2025 at 3:54 PM
If you pour the McDonald’s Grinch Salt on the Universal Studios Who Hash does it tear a rift in the space-time continuum?
I just ate a McRib for the first time in 30 years.
Je suis mort.
Je suis mort.
December 11, 2025 at 2:08 AM
I just ate a McRib for the first time in 30 years.
Je suis mort.
Je suis mort.
Re-watching My Name is Earl, and I’m just now realizing how Raising Arizona-coded it is.
December 9, 2025 at 4:12 AM
Re-watching My Name is Earl, and I’m just now realizing how Raising Arizona-coded it is.
Tom Brady just confused Randy with Ralphy from A Christmas Story.
Idiot.
Idiot.
December 7, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Tom Brady just confused Randy with Ralphy from A Christmas Story.
Idiot.
Idiot.
That new Best Medicine show looks like Resident Alien, except he’s not an alien. I assume.
December 7, 2025 at 7:28 PM
That new Best Medicine show looks like Resident Alien, except he’s not an alien. I assume.
You’ll never believe this, but I was just awarded the Nobel Soccer prize!
December 7, 2025 at 1:11 AM
You’ll never believe this, but I was just awarded the Nobel Soccer prize!
How messed up is our world that Netflix is buying Warner Bros. And not vice versa?!?
December 5, 2025 at 10:40 PM
How messed up is our world that Netflix is buying Warner Bros. And not vice versa?!?
Reposted by Matty Breeze
🚨 NEW TOUR DATES ALERT! 🚨
I’m coming to a city near you, presale starts now!
✨Use code MARIA to grab your tickets early before the raccoons get them🦝
🎟️ Get tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates
I’m coming to a city near you, presale starts now!
✨Use code MARIA to grab your tickets early before the raccoons get them🦝
🎟️ Get tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates
December 4, 2025 at 7:11 PM
🚨 NEW TOUR DATES ALERT! 🚨
I’m coming to a city near you, presale starts now!
✨Use code MARIA to grab your tickets early before the raccoons get them🦝
🎟️ Get tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates
I’m coming to a city near you, presale starts now!
✨Use code MARIA to grab your tickets early before the raccoons get them🦝
🎟️ Get tickets at mariabamford.com/tourdates
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
December 3, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
…doo-dah, doo-dah!
Tempest on the sea at nidht https://www.wikiart.org/en/ivan-aivazovsky/tempest-on-the-sea-at-nidht-1849
December 3, 2025 at 2:15 PM
…doo-dah, doo-dah!
I can’t wait to try Wendy’s Carvers.
December 3, 2025 at 3:26 AM
I can’t wait to try Wendy’s Carvers.
Damn…half the cast of Elf is dead.
Anyways, Merry Christmas!!!
Anyways, Merry Christmas!!!
December 2, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Damn…half the cast of Elf is dead.
Anyways, Merry Christmas!!!
Anyways, Merry Christmas!!!
I once read on a Happy Meal bag from the 90’s that the longest fry in the pack is called the “loomster,” and I’ve considered that canon for 30 some years now.
December 2, 2025 at 1:47 AM
I once read on a Happy Meal bag from the 90’s that the longest fry in the pack is called the “loomster,” and I’ve considered that canon for 30 some years now.
Reposted by Matty Breeze
a turducken is a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turd
November 27, 2025 at 6:56 PM
a turducken is a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turd
Why do we never see what happens to Neal’s partner in PT&A?
Clearly the 8 o’clock flight would have been delayed or cancelled as well.
#HappyThanksgiving
Clearly the 8 o’clock flight would have been delayed or cancelled as well.
#HappyThanksgiving
November 27, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Why do we never see what happens to Neal’s partner in PT&A?
Clearly the 8 o’clock flight would have been delayed or cancelled as well.
#HappyThanksgiving
Clearly the 8 o’clock flight would have been delayed or cancelled as well.
#HappyThanksgiving