Mike Blejer
@mblejer.bsky.social
I write words (only some of them). Repped at Range & Verve, unless you hate me, in which case I'm a robot sent from the present to destroy you.
It’s important to introduce your kids to musical instruments early so they have plenty of time to get used to people going “hey, could you maybe cut that out?” before their ego really locks in.
December 19, 2025 at 7:45 AM
It’s important to introduce your kids to musical instruments early so they have plenty of time to get used to people going “hey, could you maybe cut that out?” before their ego really locks in.
If you really want your kid to listen to you later in life, you gotta build respect early. That starts with teaching them their father has big, goofy-ass shoes to fill. Then, just when it seems like he’s found his footing, do the kid a favor and give him a little push.
December 18, 2025 at 7:57 AM
If you really want your kid to listen to you later in life, you gotta build respect early. That starts with teaching them their father has big, goofy-ass shoes to fill. Then, just when it seems like he’s found his footing, do the kid a favor and give him a little push.
All the books say you should limit your kid’s screen time, but you ask me, that’s just books trying to eliminate the competition. Like I’m not trying to get involved in your turf war ok? Just tell me how to raise my kid, stupid book.
December 17, 2025 at 7:05 AM
All the books say you should limit your kid’s screen time, but you ask me, that’s just books trying to eliminate the competition. Like I’m not trying to get involved in your turf war ok? Just tell me how to raise my kid, stupid book.
Some of the sweetest things in life are, as they say in England, difficult, difficult, lemon difficult.
December 16, 2025 at 7:28 AM
Some of the sweetest things in life are, as they say in England, difficult, difficult, lemon difficult.
Sometimes I teach my baby to repeat things by rote, and my partner is like, “yeah, but he doesn’t know what that even means.”
My feeling is: if people were only allowed to talk about what they truly understood—well, speaking only for myself, I have no words.
My feeling is: if people were only allowed to talk about what they truly understood—well, speaking only for myself, I have no words.
December 15, 2025 at 7:38 AM
Sometimes I teach my baby to repeat things by rote, and my partner is like, “yeah, but he doesn’t know what that even means.”
My feeling is: if people were only allowed to talk about what they truly understood—well, speaking only for myself, I have no words.
My feeling is: if people were only allowed to talk about what they truly understood—well, speaking only for myself, I have no words.
Parenting is watching your kid do something incredible off camera, scrambling for your phone like a drunkard with a singing frog, then figuring out when to put the camera down (and get back to parenting).
That is to say, it was hard.
That is to say, it was hard.
December 14, 2025 at 6:46 AM
Parenting is watching your kid do something incredible off camera, scrambling for your phone like a drunkard with a singing frog, then figuring out when to put the camera down (and get back to parenting).
That is to say, it was hard.
That is to say, it was hard.
Built Baby this note/chord pad in @loopypro to teach him the relationship between the major scale and diatonic 7 chords but so far he’s just using it to teach himself letters and colors. LAME!
December 13, 2025 at 6:53 AM
Built Baby this note/chord pad in @loopypro to teach him the relationship between the major scale and diatonic 7 chords but so far he’s just using it to teach himself letters and colors. LAME!
Persistence is such an important life skill. That’s why when I ask my kid a question, I don’t stop until I get the exact answer I went in looking for. Just one of many neat parenting hacks I learned from the terrifying interrogation guy in One Battle After Another.
December 12, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Persistence is such an important life skill. That’s why when I ask my kid a question, I don’t stop until I get the exact answer I went in looking for. Just one of many neat parenting hacks I learned from the terrifying interrogation guy in One Battle After Another.
From a forensic standpoint, raising a child is essentially surviving a series of poorly executed assassination attempts by someone who lacks the foresight or basic planning skills to establish even a cursory alibi.
December 11, 2025 at 7:11 AM
From a forensic standpoint, raising a child is essentially surviving a series of poorly executed assassination attempts by someone who lacks the foresight or basic planning skills to establish even a cursory alibi.
Bedtime is all about establishing a ritual and sticking to it—whether that’s playing a gentle melody while you cradle your baby on your shoulders, or live-looping a li’l ditty about how they absolutely *have* to chill out while they manically give themself a front-facing camera tour of your office.
December 10, 2025 at 9:47 AM
Bedtime is all about establishing a ritual and sticking to it—whether that’s playing a gentle melody while you cradle your baby on your shoulders, or live-looping a li’l ditty about how they absolutely *have* to chill out while they manically give themself a front-facing camera tour of your office.
My oven mitts missed their calling as muppets and ended up as frustrated artists doing dinner theater for my kid. Sad—but hey, if you can’t take the heat, stay out of Hell’s Kitchen (or wherever Sesame Street is filmed; I’ve done no research).
December 9, 2025 at 7:30 AM
My oven mitts missed their calling as muppets and ended up as frustrated artists doing dinner theater for my kid. Sad—but hey, if you can’t take the heat, stay out of Hell’s Kitchen (or wherever Sesame Street is filmed; I’ve done no research).
The family that takes a nice picture together has about 10 others where someone’s blurry, sneezing, or I’m spiraling about my face for reasons that are more about me than the picture per se, together.
December 8, 2025 at 6:48 AM
The family that takes a nice picture together has about 10 others where someone’s blurry, sneezing, or I’m spiraling about my face for reasons that are more about me than the picture per se, together.
(Because I’m annoying) I thought it would be fun to teach my kid to say “I’m an autodidact.” But what he did with it? That he taught himself. #trueoriginal #roomba
December 7, 2025 at 6:43 AM
(Because I’m annoying) I thought it would be fun to teach my kid to say “I’m an autodidact.” But what he did with it? That he taught himself. #trueoriginal #roomba
My kid does a pretty sick Roomba impression. Tragically, by the time he enters the workforce, that’ll probably be just another good American job stolen by robots.
December 6, 2025 at 7:41 AM
My kid does a pretty sick Roomba impression. Tragically, by the time he enters the workforce, that’ll probably be just another good American job stolen by robots.
🎶Baby it’s cold outside (which is why I abandoned you to go to a holiday party with an indoor xenomorph ice sculpture).🎶
December 5, 2025 at 8:03 AM
🎶Baby it’s cold outside (which is why I abandoned you to go to a holiday party with an indoor xenomorph ice sculpture).🎶
Second only to “never give a velociraptor your house key” is “never let your baby play Roomba mechanic.” (Quickly gets messy, parts everywhere.)
December 4, 2025 at 6:59 AM
Second only to “never give a velociraptor your house key” is “never let your baby play Roomba mechanic.” (Quickly gets messy, parts everywhere.)
With this kind of diaphragm control, my kid could grow up to be anything: audience plant at bad comedy shows, part-time bonobo—anything. Too early to tell which he’ll be just yet, but he does prefer bananas to tomatoes.
December 3, 2025 at 7:32 AM
With this kind of diaphragm control, my kid could grow up to be anything: audience plant at bad comedy shows, part-time bonobo—anything. Too early to tell which he’ll be just yet, but he does prefer bananas to tomatoes.
Back Injury To The Future
December 2, 2025 at 7:44 AM
Back Injury To The Future
From a strictly ethical perspective, this is one of the few jobs we should probably just let the robots have.
December 1, 2025 at 7:24 AM
From a strictly ethical perspective, this is one of the few jobs we should probably just let the robots have.
Feels like yesterday he said his first words, and now his voice is already changing. 🥲
December 1, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Feels like yesterday he said his first words, and now his voice is already changing. 🥲
Ask any parent and they will tell you: babies require a lot of improvisation. Or maybe not, I’m just making it up as I go along. #zipzapzop
November 29, 2025 at 8:06 AM
Ask any parent and they will tell you: babies require a lot of improvisation. Or maybe not, I’m just making it up as I go along. #zipzapzop
Teaching Baby about recursion so that he learns about recursion before anyone teaches him about recursion. #recursion
November 28, 2025 at 7:27 AM
Teaching Baby about recursion so that he learns about recursion before anyone teaches him about recursion. #recursion
Teaching Kiddo how to change Tempo early so that I don’t blow his mind when I show him the fast forward button.
November 25, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Teaching Kiddo how to change Tempo early so that I don’t blow his mind when I show him the fast forward button.