This is how rape culture and a patriarchy works. The loudest, most extroverted men get deference from the ones who prefer to avoid conflict and want to stay in the good graces of the bully. And the consequence is whatever the bullies want to do to women, it’s allowed through complicit silence.

I hope men understand that it is very very rare for anyone who is not a woman’s lover, close friend, or relative to stand up for her when another man insults her in a room of other men. It is incredibly unusual. They may not join in the bullying, but they’re unwilling to step in to stop it.

like, this man who was old enough to be my father and who had been making eyes at me for months truly thought I wanted to know that he was divorcing the mother of his grown children. Delusional!

Even if they're able to present themselves as the opposite of how they behave behind the scenes, abusers and predators are almost always delusional, insecure and abject losers. Once you get good at spotting them they're like a bunch of steaming turd piles that have spray painted themselves gold.

it’s like when there was all that ugliness about ‘locker room talk’ a few years ago. maybe ‘all’ men are secretly like that, probably they aren’t, but there sure are some loud ones who want me to think that little of them!