Building Shitty Gingerbread House Just Making Depression Worse
theonion.com/building-shi...

Getting a decadent massage and steamy facial the day before a long haul flight is how I imagine Katniss felt when they gave her that full body buffer before going into the Hunger Games.

I’ve never felt so loved on a birthday. Honestly, this is rad.

Damn. No one kicks an arrow into a man’s chest quite like Mulan.

And honestly, werk.

I’ve gone out four nights in a row this week.

Someone get this motha a stretcher.

The writers of Madama Butterly really said, “we need to make it very clear this character is a villain and American.”

We’ll name him Benjamin Franklin Pinkerton.

I know a fresh bag of circus peanuts hates to see me coming…

I’m just a girl asking to be snatched, thique, toned, juicy and practically comatose at the same time.

Okay okay, but what if, and stick with me here, you tried thinking better of yourself 🤷🏽‍♀️

I love the winter for the only fact that I could be in my pajamas, a circus ringleader unitard, or butt naked under this coat and scarf, and you’ll never know.

To all the gals that told me to get into cycle syncing, move my body, and drink more water to feel better…

I’d die for you. You’re my queen. You have the other half of my locket. Also, WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SOONER?!

I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.

I cooked for myself twice today.

Everyone applaud.

I’m done speed-running life.
I don’t want to look at each moment as something to get over with, to race through, to complete.
I want to experience life.
Slowly.
roselyseeee.substack.com/p/i-am-done-...

i love this for Humpty 🍂

okay, so how does this all work now?? asking for a non-ex-Twitter person.