I've always wanted to ride one of these like a zipline

“So like…are these basketball players ever actually gonna kiss or do we just have to watch them throw a ball for three hours?”

Realizing I'm a self-aware animal with very little separation between myself and my dirt-farming ancestors is actually a huge relief because damn, I'm an ape in a t-shirt, I don't need to hold myself to these impossible standards

Politicians are not celebrities to be worshipped and they aren’t business owners selling you a product. They chose to serve the public. They are your b*tch. Don’t let them forget that.

The Democrats are fluffing the pillows on the Titanic.