Irony is dead

No one thinks I'm funnier than I do

Only poseurs spell it "poser"

I got laid off today, with the rest of 18F.

18F was an elite federal software shop. We made gov't websites work better, more efficiently for the American people. We saved taxpayers from getting screwed over by contractors. And were fired for it.

We made this website to tell our story:
18f.org

Fact: bananas significantly outnumber people, thus enabling the predator/prey relationship we see today #bananafacts

Fact: unlike yellow snow, yellow bananas are perfectly safe to eat. #bananafacts

Don't even dream about crossing the creamed corn gang.

Phase Transition xkcd.com/3025

This is pretty incredible. If you want Twitter out of your skyline entirely, this’ll do it.

saying "semantic satiation" to myself over and over till it loses all meaning

"The incidence of teaspoon loss over the period of observation was 360.62 per 100 teaspoon years. At this rate, an estimated 250 teaspoons would need to be purchased annually to maintain a practical institute-wide population of 70 teaspoons." (quoted by @tspiresjones.bsky.social in a reply)

Working on a prototype AI-powered smart Dixie cup dispenser. AI will use facial recognition to track your bathroom habits to determine when to dispense a cup for you. Look for the iCup to launch in 2025.

I was fucking joking!

I prefer to refer to my jokes as "surrealist" instead of "not funny"

Fact: if you laid 1,000,000 bananas end-to-end (tip-to-tail), you would have done something no one has ever done before #bananafacts

Word of the day is ‘catchfart’, from the 17th century, used of a servant who followed their master or mistress a little too closely.
In today’s terms, a catchfart is someone who fawns upon the boss or who follows the political wind.

Fact: the inside of a banana is also a banana #bananafacts