One unexpected delight of growing older is you forget SO MUCH boring shit

Making peace with the situation doesn't require self abandonment or blame assigned in any direction. It is an investment in emotional regulation and healthier relating. You don't have to enable the situation to repeat itself. You can release the narrative you use. It isn't worth. It just is.

Most importantly, you need to let go of the hope that your need for honest reconciliation is a reality. It doesn't exist. The need must be adjusted. You can choose to find your own version of forgiveness towards yourself. You were doing something unhealthy from a place of honest vulnerability.

Since you can't control what happens with someone's ability to collaborate on closure, you have to adjust your position in the situation. Your worth isn't contingent on someone else's behaviour. Your habit of assigning your value to external failures is a conditioned behaviour that can be rewired.

She cannot take accountability for reasons that are not your business. She doesn't take accountability with others. She doesn't have the capacity to see how this injures someone. She is invested in her experience, unable to see it in another way. This is a reflection of her developmental journey.