elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
@neurovore.bsky.social
vent account for posting through bad brain days and mommy issues (BlueSky please allow private/locking accounts, I’m BEGGING YOU)
TW: dysfunctional family, emotionally and financially abusive parent, complex trauma, ableism, homophobia, and transphobia
TW: dysfunctional family, emotionally and financially abusive parent, complex trauma, ableism, homophobia, and transphobia
Pinned
gonna have to pin this apparently: my account is a side/private account for venting about emotional abuse I experience, and I don’t want anyone besides
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
>leave parents’ house last night
>no objections from my mother b/c it was gonna snow
>only 3-6 inches forecasted
>instead parents’ area gets nearly a whole fucking foot of snow
>she guilt-trips me/siblings for not offering to help Dad clear the driveway and sidewalk
can’t win, never gonna win
>no objections from my mother b/c it was gonna snow
>only 3-6 inches forecasted
>instead parents’ area gets nearly a whole fucking foot of snow
>she guilt-trips me/siblings for not offering to help Dad clear the driveway and sidewalk
can’t win, never gonna win
December 15, 2025 at 12:40 AM
>leave parents’ house last night
>no objections from my mother b/c it was gonna snow
>only 3-6 inches forecasted
>instead parents’ area gets nearly a whole fucking foot of snow
>she guilt-trips me/siblings for not offering to help Dad clear the driveway and sidewalk
can’t win, never gonna win
>no objections from my mother b/c it was gonna snow
>only 3-6 inches forecasted
>instead parents’ area gets nearly a whole fucking foot of snow
>she guilt-trips me/siblings for not offering to help Dad clear the driveway and sidewalk
can’t win, never gonna win
back home now, and honestly found my mother much easier to deal with today than yesterday
idk what the fuck it is when those “mood shifts” happen but she’s basically her usual self but slightly more insufferable
when there isn’t anything that happens to trigger that, I find her at least tolerable
idk what the fuck it is when those “mood shifts” happen but she’s basically her usual self but slightly more insufferable
when there isn’t anything that happens to trigger that, I find her at least tolerable
December 14, 2025 at 12:30 AM
back home now, and honestly found my mother much easier to deal with today than yesterday
idk what the fuck it is when those “mood shifts” happen but she’s basically her usual self but slightly more insufferable
when there isn’t anything that happens to trigger that, I find her at least tolerable
idk what the fuck it is when those “mood shifts” happen but she’s basically her usual self but slightly more insufferable
when there isn’t anything that happens to trigger that, I find her at least tolerable
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
Remember that trauma responses represent your wounds, not your character. The real "you" is in how you understand your reactions, how you respond to them, how you soothe & course correct w/ compassion, intelligence, & skill-- how you leverage your ACTUAL choices.
December 11, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Remember that trauma responses represent your wounds, not your character. The real "you" is in how you understand your reactions, how you respond to them, how you soothe & course correct w/ compassion, intelligence, & skill-- how you leverage your ACTUAL choices.
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
We never grow out of needing a safe space. It might sound silly to some people, but responding to life w/ power & purpose ONLY happens when we've intentionally created safety inside our head & heart-- which, make no mistake, is an every day challenge & project in trauma recovery.
December 11, 2025 at 2:14 AM
We never grow out of needing a safe space. It might sound silly to some people, but responding to life w/ power & purpose ONLY happens when we've intentionally created safety inside our head & heart-- which, make no mistake, is an every day challenge & project in trauma recovery.
visits to my parents are all fun and games until my mother gets into one of her moods and says things that remind me that she’s a shitty person
December 12, 2025 at 10:35 PM
visits to my parents are all fun and games until my mother gets into one of her moods and says things that remind me that she’s a shitty person
even though I’m cynical about @TPr0t0c0l, I admit that I was cautiously optimistic about N0rth$ky
but it seems that a not-insignificant number of ppl involved in its dev team are either serial-doxxers, tr@n$m3ds (in the actual sense) or both
shit really is tainted lol
I hate being right
but it seems that a not-insignificant number of ppl involved in its dev team are either serial-doxxers, tr@n$m3ds (in the actual sense) or both
shit really is tainted lol
I hate being right
December 12, 2025 at 3:21 AM
even though I’m cynical about @TPr0t0c0l, I admit that I was cautiously optimistic about N0rth$ky
but it seems that a not-insignificant number of ppl involved in its dev team are either serial-doxxers, tr@n$m3ds (in the actual sense) or both
shit really is tainted lol
I hate being right
but it seems that a not-insignificant number of ppl involved in its dev team are either serial-doxxers, tr@n$m3ds (in the actual sense) or both
shit really is tainted lol
I hate being right
liberal Episcopalian retirement-age church ladies are second only to other trans ppl in keeping me sane during this age of monsters
they’re so sweet and yet so very angry
they’re so sweet and yet so very angry
December 4, 2025 at 1:41 AM
liberal Episcopalian retirement-age church ladies are second only to other trans ppl in keeping me sane during this age of monsters
they’re so sweet and yet so very angry
they’re so sweet and yet so very angry
made the mistake of looking at what the current state of student loan repayment is thanks to the ~Big Beautiful Bill~ and now I feel like a rabid animal
December 4, 2025 at 1:04 AM
made the mistake of looking at what the current state of student loan repayment is thanks to the ~Big Beautiful Bill~ and now I feel like a rabid animal
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
Acknowledging our own feelings w/ realism & respect is way harder than it sounds when we've been conditioned by trauma to ignore & invalidate our emotional life. Give yourself credit & grace-- none of this "recovery" thing is easy, obvious, or fun.
Worth it, but not fun.
Worth it, but not fun.
December 1, 2025 at 4:44 AM
Acknowledging our own feelings w/ realism & respect is way harder than it sounds when we've been conditioned by trauma to ignore & invalidate our emotional life. Give yourself credit & grace-- none of this "recovery" thing is easy, obvious, or fun.
Worth it, but not fun.
Worth it, but not fun.
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
Hey, trauma survivor reading this who was conditioned to believe you had to tolerate, ignore, or cover up the abusive behavior of a family member: that wasn't your fault. You deserved better from the people who should have protected you.
December 1, 2025 at 4:48 AM
Hey, trauma survivor reading this who was conditioned to believe you had to tolerate, ignore, or cover up the abusive behavior of a family member: that wasn't your fault. You deserved better from the people who should have protected you.
lol most of the Thanksgiving visit to my parents wasn’t all that bad, at least until my mother decided to comment on conversion therapy while we were watching Pluribus
pushing back a little too strongly earned me ten texts this morning, Just Asking Questions about why conversion therapy a bad thing
pushing back a little too strongly earned me ten texts this morning, Just Asking Questions about why conversion therapy a bad thing
November 30, 2025 at 7:25 PM
lol most of the Thanksgiving visit to my parents wasn’t all that bad, at least until my mother decided to comment on conversion therapy while we were watching Pluribus
pushing back a little too strongly earned me ten texts this morning, Just Asking Questions about why conversion therapy a bad thing
pushing back a little too strongly earned me ten texts this morning, Just Asking Questions about why conversion therapy a bad thing
locking tf in [puts on weighted jacket, spends several hours lying down, playing vidya, or whatever I need to do in the moment to make my anger subside]
November 26, 2025 at 10:00 PM
locking tf in [puts on weighted jacket, spends several hours lying down, playing vidya, or whatever I need to do in the moment to make my anger subside]
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
There’s nothing normal about expecting family members to be in the same room when one has abused the other. This is abnormal. This is harmful. This is perpetuating more abusive patterns. When you elevate family traditions over protecting the abused, you are re-creating the abuse
November 23, 2025 at 3:01 PM
There’s nothing normal about expecting family members to be in the same room when one has abused the other. This is abnormal. This is harmful. This is perpetuating more abusive patterns. When you elevate family traditions over protecting the abused, you are re-creating the abuse
I really want to get chores and shit done today before I have to drive to my parents’ house and stay over
but lol! lmao…guess I have to calm down and seethe and cry first
thanks Eileen, you’re a real peach
but lol! lmao…guess I have to calm down and seethe and cry first
thanks Eileen, you’re a real peach
November 26, 2025 at 3:22 PM
I really want to get chores and shit done today before I have to drive to my parents’ house and stay over
but lol! lmao…guess I have to calm down and seethe and cry first
thanks Eileen, you’re a real peach
but lol! lmao…guess I have to calm down and seethe and cry first
thanks Eileen, you’re a real peach
gonna have to pin this apparently: my account is a side/private account for venting about emotional abuse I experience, and I don’t want anyone besides
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
November 26, 2025 at 3:14 PM
gonna have to pin this apparently: my account is a side/private account for venting about emotional abuse I experience, and I don’t want anyone besides
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
BlueSky won’t allow account locking or delisting from keyword searches, so if I block you it’s nothing personal
leave it to my mother to ruin my morning by picking a fight about the Thanksgiving myth and yelling at me over text for (stupidly) trying to reason with her
reduced me to screaming at my phone about what a willfully ignorant fucking idiot she is
I hate her so much
reduced me to screaming at my phone about what a willfully ignorant fucking idiot she is
I hate her so much
November 26, 2025 at 2:52 PM
leave it to my mother to ruin my morning by picking a fight about the Thanksgiving myth and yelling at me over text for (stupidly) trying to reason with her
reduced me to screaming at my phone about what a willfully ignorant fucking idiot she is
I hate her so much
reduced me to screaming at my phone about what a willfully ignorant fucking idiot she is
I hate her so much
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
You're not struggling to feel better because you'e "bad" or "not trying hard enough." You're struggling because you've been injured, & that injury has been reinforced for years. Healing psychological wounds is complex. You're not "doing it wrong."
Easy does it. Patience. Grace.
Easy does it. Patience. Grace.
November 15, 2025 at 3:19 AM
You're not struggling to feel better because you'e "bad" or "not trying hard enough." You're struggling because you've been injured, & that injury has been reinforced for years. Healing psychological wounds is complex. You're not "doing it wrong."
Easy does it. Patience. Grace.
Easy does it. Patience. Grace.
Reposted by elly’s scream hole (PRIVATE)
Acknowledging something hurt exactly as much as it did is not a sign of "weakness."
It's a sign that a survivor is serious about reckoning with what actually happened-- & that our abusers' & bullies' attempts to get us to ignore & minimize their harm have failed.
It's a sign that a survivor is serious about reckoning with what actually happened-- & that our abusers' & bullies' attempts to get us to ignore & minimize their harm have failed.
November 15, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Acknowledging something hurt exactly as much as it did is not a sign of "weakness."
It's a sign that a survivor is serious about reckoning with what actually happened-- & that our abusers' & bullies' attempts to get us to ignore & minimize their harm have failed.
It's a sign that a survivor is serious about reckoning with what actually happened-- & that our abusers' & bullies' attempts to get us to ignore & minimize their harm have failed.
every time I come back to my apartment from a visit to my parents’ house, I feel this heavy grief and desire to cry
partly because I don’t like leaving my dog, but also the pain of knowing that I won’t feel free of that place until both of them die
partly because I don’t like leaving my dog, but also the pain of knowing that I won’t feel free of that place until both of them die
November 16, 2025 at 10:21 PM
every time I come back to my apartment from a visit to my parents’ house, I feel this heavy grief and desire to cry
partly because I don’t like leaving my dog, but also the pain of knowing that I won’t feel free of that place until both of them die
partly because I don’t like leaving my dog, but also the pain of knowing that I won’t feel free of that place until both of them die
one of the parishioners at my church went on a mission trip to South African orphanages and women’s shelters with his mother, who’s a Methodist minister
she nearly broke down crying when describing the conditions under the USAID cuts
I s2g I will curse the Boer Devil to my last dying breath
she nearly broke down crying when describing the conditions under the USAID cuts
I s2g I will curse the Boer Devil to my last dying breath
November 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
one of the parishioners at my church went on a mission trip to South African orphanages and women’s shelters with his mother, who’s a Methodist minister
she nearly broke down crying when describing the conditions under the USAID cuts
I s2g I will curse the Boer Devil to my last dying breath
she nearly broke down crying when describing the conditions under the USAID cuts
I s2g I will curse the Boer Devil to my last dying breath
my mother’s been bitching about my sister all morning and it’s seriously getting on my nerves
I’m definitely gonna check in with my sister when I get home tonight
I’m definitely gonna check in with my sister when I get home tonight
November 2, 2025 at 12:35 PM
my mother’s been bitching about my sister all morning and it’s seriously getting on my nerves
I’m definitely gonna check in with my sister when I get home tonight
I’m definitely gonna check in with my sister when I get home tonight
I knew it was coming and I was dreading it but I more or less got told by my supervisor that I need to start learning how to use generative AI 🫠🫠🫠🫠
October 21, 2025 at 4:52 PM
I knew it was coming and I was dreading it but I more or less got told by my supervisor that I need to start learning how to use generative AI 🫠🫠🫠🫠
good news though, my four month old nephew got baptized today and I’m one of his godparents 👶🕊️💕
October 19, 2025 at 9:59 PM
good news though, my four month old nephew got baptized today and I’m one of his godparents 👶🕊️💕
according to a reliable source close to my parish who attended the diocesan convention yesterday, they’re leaving in late January, but are staying between now and then to help with the transitional process
I’m still very sad about it, but at least there’s a few months left where he’s still here
I’m still very sad about it, but at least there’s a few months left where he’s still here
just learned through the parish newsletter that my rector and his husband will soon be leaving the parish
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well
October 19, 2025 at 9:55 PM
according to a reliable source close to my parish who attended the diocesan convention yesterday, they’re leaving in late January, but are staying between now and then to help with the transitional process
I’m still very sad about it, but at least there’s a few months left where he’s still here
I’m still very sad about it, but at least there’s a few months left where he’s still here
just learned through the parish newsletter that my rector and his husband will soon be leaving the parish
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well
October 18, 2025 at 2:34 AM
just learned through the parish newsletter that my rector and his husband will soon be leaving the parish
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well
I kinda sorta felt like it was coming, but I really am not handling it well