Cheers Jeff. I had one or two things published a long, long time ago (letters and Top Tips) but was never lucky enough to actually work for them.

Ah yes, the jeweller. Some of the greatest ever use of language 👍

Such a prize cunt.

I remember one of my (very few) friends posting about an excellent cake she’d had, and some fuckhead replied “tut tut #calories”.

I hope he got piles then had to do a rodeo.

CREAMY OLD ENGLAND.

Imagine sharing a house with him.

You are better than this, probably.

First time I posted this on Twitter about 10 years ago, some bloke replied "a more rounded joke would have been 'how HOT your chili pepper is', just saying". I still think about that in quiet moments.

This looks so good, I suspect there is a fair chance I would set about it like it had wronged me in a previous life.

YES MATE ⚒️

What in the name of fucking hell. Why would this possibly happen.

Fucking love Christmas, mate.

I always think about that graffiti in Ireland, where someone had spray painted “JESUS SAVES” and someone had added “And Judas knocks in the rebound”.