@nonotjeffallen.bsky.social
I mostly sell beer. I sometimes play music. I always am very tired.
My neighborhood chinese spot runs out of doughnuts every christmas and that makes me so proud
December 25, 2025 at 11:49 PM
My neighborhood chinese spot runs out of doughnuts every christmas and that makes me so proud
Godspeed to every other parent out there playing, "There's no way they were thoughtful enough to include this many spare parts. Which step did I skip?"
Thought they had us there for a minute I'm not gonna lie
Thought they had us there for a minute I'm not gonna lie
December 25, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Godspeed to every other parent out there playing, "There's no way they were thoughtful enough to include this many spare parts. Which step did I skip?"
Thought they had us there for a minute I'm not gonna lie
Thought they had us there for a minute I'm not gonna lie
Made it to 7:15 on Christmas morning with a 3 year old. Not bad.
December 25, 2025 at 12:23 PM
Made it to 7:15 on Christmas morning with a 3 year old. Not bad.
Wife made a bundt cake and put the 2 baby Jesus figurines in it. We're calling it a King of Kings Cake. Merry Christmas.
13 yo "How do you pluralize Jesus?"
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
December 24, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Wife made a bundt cake and put the 2 baby Jesus figurines in it. We're calling it a King of Kings Cake. Merry Christmas.
Which one of you told Sony that what we needed was speakers in the controller? Why did they put speakers in the controller?
December 23, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Which one of you told Sony that what we needed was speakers in the controller? Why did they put speakers in the controller?
The 3 year old has announced Santa would like hotdogs and beer.
Raise 'em right.
Raise 'em right.
December 22, 2025 at 6:05 PM
The 3 year old has announced Santa would like hotdogs and beer.
Raise 'em right.
Raise 'em right.
Reposted
Not a bad way to spend the afternoon
December 21, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Not a bad way to spend the afternoon
He means Next Gen Stats but I read National Geologic Survey and it still works
56.9 yards in the air per NGS. What a launch and catch in that wind.
CALEB WILLIAMS TO DJ MOORE
BEARS WIN
BEARS WIN
December 21, 2025 at 4:48 AM
He means Next Gen Stats but I read National Geologic Survey and it still works
My main takeaway from the new Knives Out is that I can't tell the difference between Josh Brolin and Jeff Bridges
December 21, 2025 at 4:06 AM
My main takeaway from the new Knives Out is that I can't tell the difference between Josh Brolin and Jeff Bridges
13 yo "How do you pluralize Jesus?"
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
December 15, 2025 at 11:36 PM
13 yo "How do you pluralize Jesus?"
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
Me "Well in the case of those Baby Jesus figures you got from the living nativity the correct nomenclature is Young Jeezies. Now come over here and help your brother light the menorah."
A man on facebook marketplace had a pair of Coleman minibikes for a very reasonable price and this is now about to be the best Christmas ever
December 14, 2025 at 4:57 PM
A man on facebook marketplace had a pair of Coleman minibikes for a very reasonable price and this is now about to be the best Christmas ever
Anybody else get called out of the shower to facilitate 8am ants on a log this morning?
December 14, 2025 at 1:11 PM
Anybody else get called out of the shower to facilitate 8am ants on a log this morning?
Donatello: You're a claustrophobic!
Casey Jones: HEY! I never even LOOKED at another guy before.
I definitely missed that one in '91
Casey Jones: HEY! I never even LOOKED at another guy before.
I definitely missed that one in '91
December 13, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Donatello: You're a claustrophobic!
Casey Jones: HEY! I never even LOOKED at another guy before.
I definitely missed that one in '91
Casey Jones: HEY! I never even LOOKED at another guy before.
I definitely missed that one in '91
There's an ios update my work phone can't have because it requires 14gb of free space. I will gladly delete everything on it if this is the one where they figure out how to make punctuation -not- disable caps lock. Probably too big an ask.
December 9, 2025 at 10:55 AM
There's an ios update my work phone can't have because it requires 14gb of free space. I will gladly delete everything on it if this is the one where they figure out how to make punctuation -not- disable caps lock. Probably too big an ask.
I am @theonion.com print edition's exact direct hit target demo
December 8, 2025 at 10:46 PM
I am @theonion.com print edition's exact direct hit target demo
Paid actual money for a 90s Disney game set on xbox so that I can have this whenever I want.
December 7, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Paid actual money for a 90s Disney game set on xbox so that I can have this whenever I want.
One of these things is not like the others.
If you have toddlers and aren't hip to Danny Go! yet, fix that. Happy Moon is junior's favorite but Robot Energy is a legit banger.
If you have toddlers and aren't hip to Danny Go! yet, fix that. Happy Moon is junior's favorite but Robot Energy is a legit banger.
December 3, 2025 at 2:54 PM
One of these things is not like the others.
If you have toddlers and aren't hip to Danny Go! yet, fix that. Happy Moon is junior's favorite but Robot Energy is a legit banger.
If you have toddlers and aren't hip to Danny Go! yet, fix that. Happy Moon is junior's favorite but Robot Energy is a legit banger.
Carry the 7 and that's... I wonder what eating 8,640 calories in one sitting does to the human body?
December 2, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Carry the 7 and that's... I wonder what eating 8,640 calories in one sitting does to the human body?
Got mail from @stephenhartzell.bsky.social / @sickoscommittee.org / @hitdpod.bsky.social today and I don't know what y'all are on about. That envelope was 100% taped securely. This'll take the sting off the FSU - UF rock fight I'm going to suffer through this afternoon!
November 29, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Got mail from @stephenhartzell.bsky.social / @sickoscommittee.org / @hitdpod.bsky.social today and I don't know what y'all are on about. That envelope was 100% taped securely. This'll take the sting off the FSU - UF rock fight I'm going to suffer through this afternoon!
There's no law that says you can't have a chili dog bar at friendsgiving. I checked.
November 29, 2025 at 2:46 PM
There's no law that says you can't have a chili dog bar at friendsgiving. I checked.
Happiest thanksgiving to everybody with one of THOSE kids. Chicken nuggs and a lunchable. Just like Squanto taught Myles Standish to make in 1492 or whatever.
November 27, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Happiest thanksgiving to everybody with one of THOSE kids. Chicken nuggs and a lunchable. Just like Squanto taught Myles Standish to make in 1492 or whatever.
I spent a misguided youth (all through my 30s tbh) judging foil pan people. I never knew the freedom of not having to track down the lid to my corningware on the way out the potluck. No longer. I'M FREE.
November 27, 2025 at 4:21 PM
I spent a misguided youth (all through my 30s tbh) judging foil pan people. I never knew the freedom of not having to track down the lid to my corningware on the way out the potluck. No longer. I'M FREE.
If the good lord wanted me to use a hand towel I wouldn't have been born with pants
Team pants anyway
At this point, the Washpost edit page is just trolling its readers.
This is today's actual house editorial.
This is today's actual house editorial.
November 25, 2025 at 3:29 PM
If the good lord wanted me to use a hand towel I wouldn't have been born with pants
Sister in law assigned a couple dishes and told me to get a craft for the kids. 2 of the kids are 13. So I chose violence.
November 25, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Sister in law assigned a couple dishes and told me to get a craft for the kids. 2 of the kids are 13. So I chose violence.
I've received my third solocitation email from the FSU alumni association this month after not hearing from them since 2006. Mike Norvell is staying. Whole school must be broke. You hate to see it.
November 24, 2025 at 4:32 PM
I've received my third solocitation email from the FSU alumni association this month after not hearing from them since 2006. Mike Norvell is staying. Whole school must be broke. You hate to see it.