Jordan Meiller
@noplotr.bsky.social
Writer (https://certainofeventualfailure.com), musician (https://soundcloud.com/noplotr), photographer (the banner is one of mine), guy who yells about stuff online.
Ok I think I'm done thinking now, insofar as I'm literally losing consciousness.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Ok I think I'm done thinking now, insofar as I'm literally losing consciousness.
13. Live-action adaptions of non-live-action visual works are usually, at best, not as good.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
13. Live-action adaptions of non-live-action visual works are usually, at best, not as good.
12. Video games are art.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
12. Video games are art.
11. Every once in a while I remember that there was a Battleship movie starring Rihanna.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
11. Every once in a while I remember that there was a Battleship movie starring Rihanna.
10. A beautiful 2d anime set in the world of Citizen Sleeper would absolutely fuck. But I'd rather have another game.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
10. A beautiful 2d anime set in the world of Citizen Sleeper would absolutely fuck. But I'd rather have another game.
(Or show. Maybe more so show. I've heard good things about Fallout.)
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
(Or show. Maybe more so show. I've heard good things about Fallout.)
9. The video games that could be adapted into something good are, ironically, the open-world RPGs, but specifically if you don't try to adapt the story of the games and just create a new story within that world, a story that actually makes sense for a movie.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
9. The video games that could be adapted into something good are, ironically, the open-world RPGs, but specifically if you don't try to adapt the story of the games and just create a new story within that world, a story that actually makes sense for a movie.
8. Sometimes I feel like fandom is a cancer within the bowels of art.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
8. Sometimes I feel like fandom is a cancer within the bowels of art.
7. The Sonic the Hedgehog movie is not a video game adaption.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
7. The Sonic the Hedgehog movie is not a video game adaption.
6. The title sequence at the beginning of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is more beautiful than any live-action adaption could ever hope to be. The moon looming over Clocktown in Majora's Mask will haunt me forever. This live-action adaptation will disappear from my memory within days.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
6. The title sequence at the beginning of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is more beautiful than any live-action adaption could ever hope to be. The moon looming over Clocktown in Majora's Mask will haunt me forever. This live-action adaptation will disappear from my memory within days.
5. Those stills look fine. I have no idea what people are freaking out about. It's some blonde kids with pointy ears hanging out in a field, what did you expect? I'm not saying it's going to be good or even look good, there's just nothing about those stills that disturbs me.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
5. Those stills look fine. I have no idea what people are freaking out about. It's some blonde kids with pointy ears hanging out in a field, what did you expect? I'm not saying it's going to be good or even look good, there's just nothing about those stills that disturbs me.
4b. Who the fuck is watching all these live-action video game adaptations?
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
4b. Who the fuck is watching all these live-action video game adaptations?
4a. Did you know that actually most video game adaptions have been profitable? Like grossing 2-4 times their budget? Did you know Rampage (2018), a movie you didn't see and don't remember existing, grossed ~$428 million? On a budget of ~$120 million?
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
4a. Did you know that actually most video game adaptions have been profitable? Like grossing 2-4 times their budget? Did you know Rampage (2018), a movie you didn't see and don't remember existing, grossed ~$428 million? On a budget of ~$120 million?
4. Who the fuck is greenlighting all these live-action video game adaptations? Do you not have market researchers to tell you that every single one has been a flop?
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
4. Who the fuck is greenlighting all these live-action video game adaptations? Do you not have market researchers to tell you that every single one has been a flop?
Or is it just that they want more of the thing? As I've said elsewhere, this I also don't understand. I don't want more of the thing if it's bad. Why is this controversial. Why is my love deemed insufficient if I don't wish to see my beloved violated by untalented hacks for profit.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Or is it just that they want more of the thing? As I've said elsewhere, this I also don't understand. I don't want more of the thing if it's bad. Why is this controversial. Why is my love deemed insufficient if I don't wish to see my beloved violated by untalented hacks for profit.
It just feels like there's a sort of film supremacist attitude, that live-action movies are just inherently the pinnacle of visual art and every other visual medium should aspire to be adapted to live-action film.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
It just feels like there's a sort of film supremacist attitude, that live-action movies are just inherently the pinnacle of visual art and every other visual medium should aspire to be adapted to live-action film.
And like, specifically live-action. Why? Why would you want that? I simply do not understand. New Zealand is very pretty, as we all know. But is Hyrule not beautiful enough? Must every world be New Zealand in the end?
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
And like, specifically live-action. Why? Why would you want that? I simply do not understand. New Zealand is very pretty, as we all know. But is Hyrule not beautiful enough? Must every world be New Zealand in the end?
3. Who the fuck wants a live-action Legend of Zelda adaptation? What, to your mind, would that do for you? What is the possible value of that artistic experience? What is that giving that you have not gotten?
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
3. Who the fuck wants a live-action Legend of Zelda adaptation? What, to your mind, would that do for you? What is the possible value of that artistic experience? What is that giving that you have not gotten?
Will live-action Link attack a chicken and get run out of Lon-Lon Ranch? No. Will he see a chicken and then someone will say "don't attack that chicken, they're vicious?" Maybe.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Will live-action Link attack a chicken and get run out of Lon-Lon Ranch? No. Will he see a chicken and then someone will say "don't attack that chicken, they're vicious?" Maybe.
2. Insofar as these adaptions acknowledge the parts of the game not core to the main story it's a winking nod, at best patronizing, at worst disdainful.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
2. Insofar as these adaptions acknowledge the parts of the game not core to the main story it's a winking nod, at best patronizing, at worst disdainful.
In this view anything the player does that is not strictly progressing the main storyline is negligible to the overall effect of the work. Which is obviously not true. Because it's a game. Games are not about being efficient storytelling delivery mechanisms.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
In this view anything the player does that is not strictly progressing the main storyline is negligible to the overall effect of the work. Which is obviously not true. Because it's a game. Games are not about being efficient storytelling delivery mechanisms.
1. I feel like the fundamental flaw of a lot of video game adaptions is viewing video games as simply movies that are inconveniently interrupted by gameplay. Or maybe more accurately as movies for which the player is an unskilled, inefficient director.
November 20, 2025 at 3:34 AM
1. I feel like the fundamental flaw of a lot of video game adaptions is viewing video games as simply movies that are inconveniently interrupted by gameplay. Or maybe more accurately as movies for which the player is an unskilled, inefficient director.