-- several years.

I have a lot of thinking I need to do.

Thanks for reading me vent, if you did.

Ciao.

-- out where I'm going, what I'm going to be; if my identity is what I want it to be, if I'm going to just switch to being a TransWoman, if I'm just going to burn my family and start over, and if I'm going to continue dealing with the mental and verbal abuse I have been dealing with for the last --

-- and just start over in some other state or country. I'm not okay. I'm not happy. I'm not content. I'm just existing, just surviving.

And at times it feels like the only people who legitimately care are people who listen to me all the time.

The next few weeks will be dedicated to figuring --

-- ever enough.

Last night was the one time in a long time where I've actively thought about just purging my entire friends list and just starting over.

Debating if going homeless and living in a homeless shelter is worth it for my own peace of mind. Or if I should just burn everything --

-- ostrasized from reality, making me question certain friendships I have, and debating whether or not I should just completely isolate myself from everyone and just hide away for several months.

Despite everything I've done, been trying to do, or aspiring to do it feels like nothing I do is --

Give me a poke over discord with details if you need my help! Am interested in helping.

Apparently can't edit my posts here. So I'll put it here since I forgot to add it afterwards but #PapaBarks2025 !

I'd rather take a chance and fail, than not try at all and just feel like my entire life passed me by without me ever trying to take charge of it.

And I legitimately do not think I will ever truly feel freedom until my Dad passes on.

Just stupid old person thoughts, I guess.

I want to go out, explore.
I want to go and try and make a go of it on my fucking own.

Nobody in my family is supportive of this.

They'd rather I stay in the same place, in the same cage, and just do the same dull shit day after day...

<-- money that the reason I'm losing my job?

Is because of Donald Trumpfucker and Elon Muskrat. DOGE likely gutted the DDD and they cut my boss' off at the same fucking time.

2025 is shaping out to be the worst year of my life so far. Fuck it all. *

<-- editing videos to be extremely relaxing and something I vastly enjoy doing. I was planning on getting After Effects so I could learn even more tricks of the trade, but, honestly?

I need stable income. Not a hobby. So that dream is dead in the water until further notice.

I'm willing to bet -->

<-- Failing that? I'm going to try and just get a job at a corner store, gas station or liquor store.

If those end up as failures, I'll either go into retail (grocery) or fast food again.

The career path I WANT to take is that I have aspirations of being a video editor as I find the process of -->

<-- other things going forwards.

I can't even pay my dad what he wants for rent. I have to literally take every single center of my income and pool it because that money is ALL I'm getting until I can find another job.

I have options. I'm going to try and land a job at Geek Squad first. -->