Literally tired. Exhausted. And bc of my fibro I wouldn’t even be able to sleep all day even if I COULD

I know that this isn’t how medication works but Gawddamn I wish that shit obliterated symptoms entirely. I know it’s manageable bc I’m not gonna take myself of the census or intentionally SH but🙃

A bunch of shit I should be or need to be on account of other symptoms beating my ass. Like holy shit the stress of having to urge surf through this constantly is exhausting. I’m TIRED. But I didn’t get sleep all the time depression, I got insomnia depression so it doesn’t even matter that I’m

But I’ll be damned if I fuckin salinate the inside of my contacts again and then have a migraine on top of it bc I have to wear my glasses. Hate this shit. Serves absolutely no purpose but to make me a fuckin asshole throwing constant pity parties and I already feel
Guilty enough for not doing

So I can try to hurry up and get all my sobbing out before my sick gf wakes up and sees I’m losin it and stresses bc there’s literally no way to make it better? Fuck offfffff

Anyway; haven’t cried since I woke up even though my body is trying to convince me that should be most of today’s agenda

I’m just bitchin bc it’s something to do with my hands so I don’t try to rip my goddamn skin off, I know there ain’t shit to do about it but wait

Believe I’m just telling the mfn truth. Like. Fuck, dude. The fact that fibro is apparently so connected to body trauma and PTSD just pisses me off even more. I’m already taking responsibility for fixing and unlearning incredible damage that’s not my fault and my body STILL has to carry this arnd?!

Health issues which I have to be really careful and delicate abt for lots of reasons, and bc I metabolize shit crazy; I often need more and things last much shorter to achieve even partial effects. And a doctor will treat me like I’m trying to use reverse psychology on them before they’ll ever

Really what could they even do? Treat me like a med/drug seeker and send me home with ibuprofen even if I have always explicitly told anyone treating me that I don’t WANT pain killers OTC or prescription if I can help it. I don’t like the way they make me feel, they OFTEN exacerbate my mental

Incurred in the pursuit of getting away from the pain but there ain’t shit and that feels like an insult on top of the pain. I can’t even take anything for it bc I metabolize things REALLY strangely and OTC pain management is basically ineffectual and it’s not like I could go to the doctor abt it bc

That’s probably not advisable but in desperation to get away from your fucking nerves literally on fire but not having the decency to burn up and leave you alone for a while you do desperate things. Maybe it wouldn’t be so frustrating if there were some physical indication of it outside damage

Skin really hard at the “burn” site or near it, I can turn Fire Pain into Twisting Pain which is relieving in its own weird way but it’s unsustainable to twist the whole time and the second I let go, the fire is back. I’ve tried putting ice, wet compresses of varying temperatures, as well as shit

Manifestation of the pain I’m in but Fire Time doesn’t inhibit my mobility nor does it leave any marks. I guess at least with Car Crash Time, I can often find a position to sit/lay in where as long as I don’t move, I don’t wanna scream but Fire Time I get NO reprieve at all. Sometimes if I twist the

Get away from. Like what is the point of this? I want to scream bc this hurts so mfn BAD and it lasts anywhere from 30min-several hours at a time, for all goddamn day and sometime multiple days. Idek if I would rather feel like I got hit by a car? At least then there’s more of a physical

🎼 Take me down to Spider City
Where the webs are dense
And cuisine itty-bitty 🎶

Here, this is for you too. You have the power to react and act differently. If you don’t wanna, you don’t wanna but understand that my attitude is hardly singular and you WILL come up against this more and not everyone will be willing to entertain your ability to be better

bsky.app/profile/kala...

And thought will be). Sumn just never sits right with me about how openly OTT of the shit the Admin fanclub and the ppl who falsely believe in neutrality come up with. At least some of it is intentional and with purpose and none of us can afford to pick and choose which we take seriously 7/7