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phillytimes.bsky.social
Philadelphia Times
@phillytimes.bsky.social
5 followers 0 following 43 posts
This page is satire. We were previously on X, but were banned for posting anti-musk things. You can now find our articles here.
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phillytimes.bsky.social
Trump Threatens to deport Rockstar Games devs if GTA 6 is not released
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/05/t...
#GTA6 #GTA #Trump #Satire
Trump threatens to deport Rockstar Games devs if GTA 6 is not released
Amy Stake Last week, Rockstar Games announced that it would be delaying the release of the anticipated GTA 6 to may of 2026. President Trump has announced that if the game is not released by next f…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 5, 2025 at 7:04 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/11/20/t...
#Satire #Trump #SaudiArabia
Trump to purchase bone saws from Saudi Arabia
Luther Gill After monday’s “productive” meeting with Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman, President Trump has announced that the US government will be purchasing between 10 and…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
November 21, 2025 at 9:55 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/10/31/i...
#Satire #funny #Halloween #ICE #Deportations
ICE deports dozens of ghosts, monsters and vampires spotted a local school
John Greene Only a few hours ago, Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem announced that 23 “non human entities” were arrested at Norristown Elementary School. The creatures were rep…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
October 31, 2025 at 10:40 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
New Quote of the week:
“Don’t give me anything. I don’t want it!”

-“The New Colossus”, inscribed on the Statue of Liberty.
#Satire #Inspiring #Immigration
October 31, 2025 at 9:15 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
BREAKING: Supreme court overturns constitutions preamble.
October 28, 2025 at 2:30 AM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/10/06/c...
#Space #Comet #Satire
Comet finally on course to destroy Earth
Tessa Baur Scientists at NASA are relieved after discovering that the comet 31/ATLAS will strike earth by the year 2030. The comet is expected to cause total, planet wide devastation that will hope…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
October 16, 2025 at 6:22 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/09/30/g...
#Shutdown #GOP #Senate #Trump #Satire
Government shutdown averted after Sen. Thune offers to invite Democrats to his birthday party.
Photo credit: Nathan Posner Daniela Austin The government shutdown that was due to begin tonight has been averted, after Senate majority leader John Thune offered to invite any Democrat who votes f…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
September 30, 2025 at 8:59 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
BREAKING: Local employee fired for thinking for a few seconds that Charlie Kirk may not have been a perfect angel.
September 17, 2025 at 8:58 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/09/05/c...
#RFKJr #Senate #Hearing #FinanceCommittee #Satire #RFK
Committee grills broken lawn mower for 30 minutes before realizing it’s not RFK jr.
Brian Holland Yesterday, the Senate finance committee aggressively questioned a broken lawn mower during a hearing, which they mistook for HHS director, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The lawn mower was lef…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
September 7, 2025 at 3:05 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/08/22/t...
#Texas #Satire
Texas Republicans say new law banning black people from voting is not racially motivated
Gavin Atkinson This Tuesday, Texas Governor Greg Abbott, passed the controversial Act 845, stating that “Any person that can trace any portion of their genetics back to Africa is forbidden fr…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
August 22, 2025 at 4:04 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
Quote of the week:
"Now is the time for peace."-
George Washington, after defeating Hessian forces in the battle of Trenton.
June 25, 2025 at 1:37 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/06/25/m...
BREAKING: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad concedes NYC mayoral primary to Abdul-Malik al-Houthi
#NYC #Elections #Mamdani #Cuomo #Satire
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad concedes NYC mayoral primary to Abdul-Malik al-Houthi
Jayson Wu In the early morning of June 25th, former president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, conceded, after losing the Democratic Mayoral primary in New York City. The victor of the election, Abdul…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
June 25, 2025 at 1:36 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
BREAKING: Trump to enter talks with Imperial Japan and Nazi Germany, says "It's not too late to make a deal and end the war before you are destroyed."
#Trump #Iran #NuclearDeal #Satire
June 13, 2025 at 4:12 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/06/11/n...
#ICE #NationalGuard #Deportations #Satire
National Guard deployed after Philly man says “Trump is not that good” in public
Trystan Bush President Trump has ordered the deployment of 3,000 Pennsylvania National Guard soldiers after Andre Knox, a Philadelphia resident, was reported to have loudly told his friend “I…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
June 13, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Reposted by Philadelphia Times
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/04/08/j...
#Gaza #Palestine @middleeasteye-rss.bsky.social #Satire
Journalist tragically killed in Gaza while wearing suicide bomb vest
Jayson Wu- Tariq Fadil, a “journalist” for the Middle East Eye, was shot by Israeli Defense Forces in Rafah yesterday, after charging at them while wearing a clearly visible suicide ves…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
April 11, 2025 at 3:18 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
BREAKING: Trump wins 40th annual Mar A Lago spelling bee for 40th year in a row.
May 16, 2025 at 7:03 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
Quote of the week:
“86 47.”

-A very VERY dangerous man who should spend the rest of his life in jail for saying this.
May 16, 2025 at 6:55 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/15/p...
#Pope #Walmart #Vatican #Satire
Pope Leo to construct a Walmart and a dead shopping mall in the Vatican.
Jayson Wu Last week, a new Pope was selected to replace Pope Francis. The new Pope, Leo XIV, is the first ever American Pope. To honor this, a Walmart and dead shopping mall will be constructed in …
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 16, 2025 at 6:54 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
ICE agents mistakenly deport Trump to El Salvador
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/05/i...
#Trump #ICE #Satire
ICE agents mistakenly deport Trump to El Salvador
Photo credit: Immigration and Customs Enforcment Cole Mcclain On the evening of Sunday, May 4th, ICE agents entered the wrong building, and arrested Donald Trump, a US citizen and President of the …
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 5, 2025 at 7:06 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
Trump Threatens to deport Rockstar Games devs if GTA 6 is not released
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/05/t...
#GTA6 #GTA #Trump #Satire
Trump threatens to deport Rockstar Games devs if GTA 6 is not released
Amy Stake Last week, Rockstar Games announced that it would be delaying the release of the anticipated GTA 6 to may of 2026. President Trump has announced that if the game is not released by next f…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 5, 2025 at 7:04 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/01/r...
#Trump #twentytwentyfive #Satire #Funny
Relieved scientists discover that this is all just a bad dream
Iwan Barr Scientists at UPenn, along with the rest of the world, are relieved to discover that 2025 has actually just been a bad dream. “Through rigorous testing, we were able to discover tha…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 2, 2025 at 3:59 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/05/01/s...
#SEPTA #Transit #Philly #Satire
State to remove all roads in Philadelphia by next month if funding is not found
Photo credit of Donald D. Groff Amy Stake PenDot has threatened to remove all roads and highways in Philadelphia by next month if funding is not found. This includes portions of I-95 and I-76. The …
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 2, 2025 at 3:58 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/04/29/u...
#Iran #Israel #MiddleEast #Satire
UN desperate to blame Israel after Iran destroys Middle East
Jayson Wu This Monday, the Islamic Republic of Iran launched a devastating air campaign across the Middle East, in response to the deadly explosion in Bandar Abbas, which it has called a Saudi and …
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
May 2, 2025 at 3:57 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/04/08/m...
#Tarrifs #Trump #Penguins #Satire
McDonald Island penguins threaten to move closer to CCP.
Lilian Watts Last week, President Trump announced his sweeping tariffs, which included McDonald Island, which has no human population, and several hundred penguins. The President of McDonald Island…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
April 11, 2025 at 3:18 PM
phillytimes.bsky.social
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com/2025/04/08/j...
#Gaza #Palestine @middleeasteye-rss.bsky.social #Satire
Journalist tragically killed in Gaza while wearing suicide bomb vest
Jayson Wu- Tariq Fadil, a “journalist” for the Middle East Eye, was shot by Israeli Defense Forces in Rafah yesterday, after charging at them while wearing a clearly visible suicide ves…
philadelphiatimes.wordpress.com
April 11, 2025 at 3:18 PM