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phoagland.bsky.social
Patents Pete
@phoagland.bsky.social
81 followers 590 following 230 posts
Mostly posting dumb screenshots of patents and occasionally about sports. Recently started playing around with some fun data visualization: https://public.tableau.com/app/profile/peter.hoagland
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phoagland.bsky.social
lmao something about that name! My Maxwell was fascinated by running water and figured out how to flush the toilet in my apartment just to watch the bowl fill back up. The first time he did it I was like “who the fuck is here?!” I went into my bathroom to find this. Genuinely the weirdest cat lol
Maxwell, an orange tabby, with his front paws up on the toilet seat and his head directly over the bowl.
December 2, 2025 at 5:49 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
Me: you know that cliche about firemen rescuing cats from trees? That’s probably a myth right, I mean how could cats get stuck up in trees all the time like that
Maxwell: hold my catnip
A small kitchen with an orange tabby cat sitting way up on top of the refrigerator. If you zoom in you can see the cat is crying to be let down.
December 2, 2025 at 12:02 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
True hero shit 🫡
November 21, 2025 at 5:31 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
lol perfect
Blue sky nice ghost posts “Blake not Treinan hard enough” directly above jen ramos-eisen’s post “he’s really Treinen everyone’s patience right now”
October 29, 2025 at 2:26 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
I’ve had the opening credits song from Peacemaker stuck in my head for the past two weeks, so…I decided to figure out how to play it! (sorry for a few squeaks 😬)

#Peacemaker
October 17, 2025 at 9:38 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
The book club group text for this book is going about how you’d expect
Screenshot from group text: JW: So. Much. Incest. CN: I told you! (me): Seriously wtf CN: I didn’t do anything! K: Well, this is awkward (me): is there a man in this family that hasn’t fucked Pilar Ternera (laughing emoji from someone)
August 25, 2025 at 2:53 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
It’s really crazy to read this passage for the first time in my life with what’s happening in politics in the US right now
Photo of page from 100 Years Of Solitude. Start of designated text reads: "That means," Colonel Aureliano Buendía said, smiling when the reading was over, "that all we're fighting for is power." "They're tactical changes," one of the delegates replied. "Righ now the main thing is to broaden the popular base of the war. Then we'll have another look." One of Colonel Aureliano Buendia's political advisers hastened to intervene. "It's a contradiction," he said. "If these changes are good, it means that the Conservative regime is good. If we succeed in broadening the popular base of the war with them, as you people say, it means that the regime has a broad popular base. It means, in short, that for almost twenty years we've been fighting against the sentiments of the nation." He was going to go on, but Colonel Aureliano Buendía stopped him with a signal. "Don't waste your time, doctor," he said. "The important thing is that from now on we'll be fighting only for power." Still smiling, he took the documents the delegates gave him and made ready to sign them. "Since that's the way it is," he concluded, "we have no objection to accepting." His men looked at one another in consternation. "Excuse me, colonel," Colonel Gerineldo Márquez said softly, “but this is a betrayal." Colonel Aureliano Buendia held the inked pen in the air and discharged the whole weight of his authority on him. "Surrender your weapons," he ordered. Colonel Gerineldo Márquez stood up and put his sidearms on the table.
August 22, 2025 at 2:27 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
LMAO the timeline hit perfectly
screenshot of timeline with two posts. The first is a meme made of Trump making his dumpy face and weird stance when shaking hands with Putin. The second is a post from Homestar Screens with Strongbad making the same face and standing in the same awkward stance
August 16, 2025 at 7:54 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
“I burn my decency for someone else’s future.
I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I’ll never see.”

🥺🥺

#Andor #RogueOne
Cassian and Jyn hugging as the planet explodes at the end of Rogue One Bix in a field holding her and Cassian’s child at the end of Andor
May 14, 2025 at 10:56 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
lmao if this keeps happening I’ll need a new heart before June 1
Knicks-Pistons Game 4 probability chart. Knicks are favored consistently until halfway through the third quarter where the pistons are comfortably favored until it spikes to the Knicks in the last minute Knicks-Pistons Game 5 probability chart. Neither team is favored by much until halfway through the fourth quarter where spikes hard for the Pistons, then back to close 50-50, then spikes hard for the Pistons again Knicks-Pistons game 6 probability chart. Knicks are comfortably favored for most of the game until it spikes down for Pistons halfway through the fourth quarter then spikes back up for the Knicks at the last minute Knicks-Celtics game 1 probability chart. Celtics in control for most of the game until it spikes hard for the Knicks halfway through the fourth quarter, then back for the Celtics, then back to 50-50 at the end of regulation, then back up to Knicks in overtime
May 6, 2025 at 5:34 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
i know what you’re gonna be…
I KNOW WHAT YOU’RREEE GONNA BE!
YOU’RE CRUMBLING UP JUST TO SEEEEEE
AFRAID YOU’LL BE JUST LIKE MEEEE
Julie Andrews playing guitar and singing to children in Sound of Music
May 5, 2025 at 1:36 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
Donated $39.11 for Rice: (my graduation year/100) + (total number of football wins my four years there). David Brooks was our commencement speaker, which became at least a little bit funnier to tell people as of yesterday.

@hollyanderson.bsky.social
@edsbs.bsky.social
April 18, 2025 at 10:34 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
I don’t think I ever knew this part
Welch pled guilty on March 24, 2017, in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, to a federal charge of interstate transportation of a firearm and ammunition, and a District of Columbia charge of assault with a dangerous weapon. He was sentenced by the Honorable Ketanji Brown Jackson. Following his prison term, Welch will be placed on three years of supervised release. While on supervised release, Welch is to receive a mental health assessment; he also was ordered to stay away from the restaurant while on release. Additionally, he must pay $5,744 in restitution for property damage he caused during the incident. In sentencing the defendant, the judge declared that "the extent of the recklessness in this case is breathtaking," adding that it was only through "sheer luck" that no one was injured.
January 9, 2025 at 9:27 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
[them, probably]: mmm I’ll have what he’s having 😉
On July 4, 1850, Taylor reportedly consumed copious amounts of cherries and iced milk while attending holiday celebrations during a fundraising event at the Washington Monument, which was then under construction. 144](145](146] Over the course of several days, he became severely ill with an unknown digestive ailment initially resembling acute gastroenteritis. The illness initially seemed mild, and on the first day Taylor felt well enough to continue working. His condition worsened thereafter. His Army physician Alexander S. Wotherspoon "diagnosed the illness as cholera morbus, a flexible mid-nineteenth-century term for intestinal ailments as diverse as diarrhea and dysentery but not related to Asiatic cholera", the latter a widespread epidemic prevalent in Washington, D.C., at the time of Taylor's death. 142,1147 The identity and source of Taylor's illness are the subject of historical speculation ( see below ), although it is known that several of his cabinet members had come down with a similar illness. (148] Fever ensued and Taylor's chance of recovery was small. On July 8, Taylor remarked to a medical attendant:
January 1, 2025 at 2:40 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
dirty deeds and they’re
nba score between Thunder-Heat
December 21, 2024 at 2:37 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: CHAIN SECURED CIGARETTE LIGHTER
Published: April 4, 1978
Inventor: Manuel J. Johnson
cover page for patent. image shows a drawing of a man in a three-piece suit lighting a cigarette. the lighter is attached to a cord, the other end of the cord is in his suit jacket pocket. the Abstract reads: “Relates to an attachment for cigarette lighters for ensuring against accidental loss or theft while at the same time providing convenient wearing and attractive display. Most cigarette lighters have been carried in independent fashion and are frequently lost or borrowed because of the absence of an attachment to a wearing garment. The present invention provides an attractive chain linkage for securing a cigarette lighter to wearing apparel, and particularly to a vest, which prevents loss of the lighter yet enables the wearer of the vest to have free use of the lighter. The chain is joined at one end to the non-flammable end of the lighter and especially the cap which seals the inlet into the lighter casing for filling the lighter with ignitable fluid. Normally, the lighter with the attached end of the chain would be carried in a vest pocket. The balance of the chain is passed through a button hole of the vest and carries on its other end a weighted object, such as a watch, receivable in a pocket of the vest remote from the lighter. The chain is long enough to enable the wearer of the vest to take out the lighter and without detaching the chain, light a cigarette held in his mouth.”
December 7, 2024 at 10:58 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: MULTILAYER FOOD PRODUCT PACKAGING MATERIALS, WITH IMPROVED SEALING AND STIFFNESS
Published: December 18, 2008
Inventor: George T. Gullick
cover page of patent with image that shows an open, resealable bag-like container. above it are the hand-written words “HOT PROCESSED CHEESE” with a down-arrow pointing into the container. the Abstract reads: “Packaging materials comprising a sealant film having at least a skin layer comprising LDPE, a core layer comprising LDPE, MDPE, HDPE, or a blend of any two or all three of these, and a sealant layer comprising EVA copolymer are disclosed. At least one of the layers additionally comprises a stiffening agent such as calcium carbonate. The packaging material is especially useful in applications where good pouch formation and sealing characteristics are needed, such as in the packaging of process cheese products (e.g., loaf).”
December 7, 2024 at 12:07 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: REVOLVING SIGN
Published: October 10, 1882
Inventor: T.A. Marteeny
cover page for patent for a basic revolving sign. images show the sign from multiple angles. the sign is curved like a flattened “S” and says “T.A. MARTEENY” on it. page with the patent description on it. the highlighted portions read: “Be it known that I, TILLMAN A. MARTEENY, of Peoria, in the county of Peoria, in the State of Illinois, have invented an Improved Revolving Sign; and I do hereby declare that the following is a full, clear, and exact description thereof, reference being had to the annexed drawings, making a part of this specification, in which like letters of reference refer to like parts, and in which…The object of this invention is the construction of a sign-board which shall be made to revolve through the action upon it of any passing breeze, and thus by its movement attract attention to its contained advertisement.”
December 4, 2024 at 11:24 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: COMBINED CAP AND BASEBALL MITT
Published: September 6, 1988
Inventor: Richard Villalobos
cover page for patent showing a baseball cap with a glove attached to the front. the Abstract reads: “A combination baseball cap and baseball glove forming an object-catching head covering. A mitt is attached to the crown of the cap preferably above the brim. The mitt can be in the shape of a rectangle, mitten or glove and fabricated from the same material used in making the cap, or from elastic material. An opening along the edge of the mitt is provided above the brim. The opening and the mitt are sized to allow the user to insert one hand into the opening to be held between the mitt and the crown. An elastic band may be attached to the mitt along the edge of the opening to aid in holding the cap in place on the hand. A logo can be place on the outside of the mitt. Padding may be used to further protect the user's hand while catching objects. The padding can be a flat sheet of energy absorbing material or may be shaped to approximate the function of a baseball glove.” page showing different angles of the baseball cap with the glove attached to the front.
December 4, 2024 at 11:07 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: IDENTIFICATION OF LIFE EVENTS FOR VIRTUAL REALITY DATA AND CONTENT COLLECTION
Published: November 7, 2023
Applicant: AT&T Intellectual Property I, L.P.
cover page of patent which identifies when a user is experiencing a “meaningful event” and collects data which can be used to relive that event via virtual reality. the abstract reads: “This disclosure describes a solution to identify that a meaningful event has occurred in a person’s life. Once identified, data and content related to the event can be collected and stored in a database. This data and content can be used to offer future virtual reality (VR) experiences and content. A person can be equipped with a smart device such as a smartphone, smart watch, or other wearable that can further be equipped with a tracking app that collects data from these devices and from other sources, for instance, over the internet. The tracking app can continuously collect such data and use various algorithms to make a determination as to whether the person is experiencing a meaningful life event.” image shows flowchart with the following steps: 1: RECEIVING IDENTIFICATION DATA REPRESENTATIVE OF AN IDENTIFICATION OF A USER IDENTITY OF A MOBILE DEVICE 2: RECEIVING IMAGE DATA, REPRESENTATIVE OF AN IMAGE OF A USER OF THE USER IDENTITY, FROM A VIDEO DEVICE 3: RECEIVING LOCATION DATA REPRESENTATIVE OF A LOCATION OF THE MOBILE DEVICE 4: RECEIVING MICROPHONE DATA, FROM A MICROPHONE, REPRESENTATIVE OF A CONVERSATION ASSOCIATED WITH THE USER 5: BASED ON THE IMAGE DATA, THE LOCATION DATA, AND THE MICROPHONE DATA, GENERATE PREDICTION DATA REPRESENTATIVE OF A PREDICTION OF AN EVENT, ASSOCIATED WITH THE USER IDENTITY, BEING DETERMINED TO HAVE OCCURRED, RESULTING IN A PREDICTED EVENT
November 17, 2024 at 7:30 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: BELT BUCKLE WITH RETRACTABLE CUP HOLDER
Published: November 29, 2012
Applicant: BEER CLOTHING COMPANY, LLC
cover of patent for a belt buckle with retractable cup holder. the image shows a belt buckle supporting a beverage can. the abstract reads: “An ornamental belt buckle/cup-holder combination having a front plate pivotably connected at its lower end to the lower end of a back plate. The back side of the buckle includes brackets and a hook for securing a belt. The front side of the buckle includes ornamentation. The front and back plates are held in parallel abutment with magnets. A loop is pivotably mounted to the top of the back plate and is captured between the front plate and the back plate when they are in parallel abutment. The loop is urged into a upward perpendicular position relative to the back plate with a spring. When the front plate is folded downward perpendicular to the back plate, it forms a lower horizontal surface for supporting the weight of a beverage container. The loop is then urged by the spring into an upper horizontal position for receiving and laterally supporting the beverage container.” one image shows the belt buckle unfolded and ready to receive a beverage can, with the beverage can floating over the buckle. a second image shows the beverage can secured to the belt buckle.
November 17, 2024 at 7:08 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: AEROPLANE
Published: April 13, 1920
Inventor: H. J. Parker
cover page for patent for an airplane. the airplane has forward and rearward sets of wings that extend at all angles (including vertically) around a completely open fuselage. the two sets of wings are loosely connected to each other by thin strips of wood. the airplane also has a propeller and set of four wheels. image shows a head-on view of the airplane, with the wings extending 360 degrees around a seat for the pilot. paragraphs describe how the wings are all connected to each other by wires and are free to rotate around the engine and pilot sitting in the pilot’s seat.
November 9, 2024 at 8:22 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: BOTTLE CROSS FRAME AND METHOD FOR MAKING A BOTTLE CROSS
Published: July 26, 2016
Inventor: Richard Kresta
cover page of patent for a structure that makes a cross out of wine bottles. image shows structure where wine bottles are mounted in a cross.
November 9, 2024 at 7:24 PM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: METHOD AND SYSTEM FOR A TOWED VESSEL SUITABLE FOR TRANSPORTING LIQUIDS
Published: March 23, 2021
Inventors: Allen and Ian Szydlowski
cover of a patent for a shipping vessel specifically for transporting liquids. a bottle of water with a label that reads “da Vinci Water” and has a crudely drawn picture of apparently Leonardo da Vinci. paragraph describes how ice is extracted from deep within a glacier, and highlighted text reads: “The inventive process merits a higher selling price of water than simply cutting up ice from a glacier and melting it. Consumers may be willing to pay a premium for water that traces its roots back to the same time as Leonardo da Vinci lived, for example.”
November 8, 2024 at 5:33 AM
phoagland.bsky.social
Patent: DEVICE FOR COUPLING WITH A BEVERAGE CONTAINER
Published: November 5, 2009
Inventor: Etienne Herman Walter Blondeel (Netherlands)
patent shows image of a beer can with a tab that folds down into a cigarette holder. a lit cigarette is floating over the beer can. one image shows an open beer can with the tab flipped up normally. the other image shows the tab folded into a cigarette holder and a lit cigarette floating above it.
November 8, 2024 at 4:23 AM