Leanne Yau
@polyphiliablog.bsky.social
polyamory educator and sex therapist in training, posting about queerness, sex-positivity, and radical relationships
Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.
November 30, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thing, but that doesn’t mean your boundaries and limits are ‘wrong’ or don’t matter.
I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.
November 28, 2025 at 11:36 AM
I love being a polyamorous bisexual dating other polyamorous bisexuals. That is all.
never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.
November 27, 2025 at 4:10 PM
never beating the slutty polyamorous bisexual allegations and you know what? i'm okay with that.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️
November 27, 2025 at 3:25 PM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time/energy/commitment. Your partner having other partners isn't a reason to sacrifice what you need to feel loved/valued. You deserve to have your needs met by people who are willing and able to meet them ❤️
Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.
November 9, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Friendship isn’t a consolation prize to be offered out of politeness or guilt at the end of a romantic relationship. It’s a whole different type of connection, and going from lovers to friends only works if all parties are committed to the transition and taking responsibility for their feelings.
I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...
Win A Free Polyamory Book! | Leanne Yau
Get more from Leanne Yau on Patreon
www.patreon.com
October 25, 2025 at 9:32 AM
I'm doing a giveaway for new joiners to my Patreon! Join a paid tier before November 30th, and be in with a chance to win a copy of Lola Phoenix's new book, 'Supporting Someone Polyamorous'! www.patreon.com/posts/win-fr...
Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!
October 17, 2025 at 11:10 PM
Psst - anything can be platonic if you want it to be. The boundaries of what is sexual/romantic/platonic are a LOT more blurred than we have been taught they are. Free yourself from amatonormativity and mononormativity!
Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.
October 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable, working through feelings, taking accountability, and learning from your experiences.
Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.
October 14, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Let's talk about feeling NEEDED vs feeling WANTED in polyamory, and how being wanted, as opposed to just needed, by your partner creates more security in the relationship.
I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.
October 13, 2025 at 6:35 PM
I'm polyamorous so that my polycule can dress up as the entire cast of 'The Mummy' for Halloween.
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.
October 13, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical", or expected way to participate in intimate partnership.
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.
September 12, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasing after someone new, their lack of care and impulse control is not your fault.
I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.
September 9, 2025 at 12:14 AM
I’ve tried kitchen table polyamory. I’ve tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide how close they want to be with each other (including not at all!) instead of enforcing a specific polycule dynamic.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".
September 5, 2025 at 9:06 AM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy/insecurity over the things that you're doing is NOT the same as them saying they want you to stop, that they don't love/accept you, that they're trying to attack/hurt/shame you, or that they're "not really polyamorous".
Are you actually “bad at polyamory”, or are you struggling to be patient with yourself while learning a lifetime of mononormative thinking, and experiencing a normal amount of distress for all the changes that you’re going through at the same time? 🤔
September 4, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Are you actually “bad at polyamory”, or are you struggling to be patient with yourself while learning a lifetime of mononormative thinking, and experiencing a normal amount of distress for all the changes that you’re going through at the same time? 🤔
My top 5 red flags 🚩 in polyamorous relationships… 🧵
September 4, 2025 at 5:45 PM
My top 5 red flags 🚩 in polyamorous relationships… 🧵
If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonable pace, instead of imposing your own desires/standards/expectations onto them.
September 4, 2025 at 5:35 PM
If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonable pace, instead of imposing your own desires/standards/expectations onto them.
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?”
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
August 27, 2025 at 5:18 PM
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?”
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
The short answer: it’s up to you.
The long answer… 🧵
monogamous people: I could never do polyamory because I don’t want to deal with jealousy… anyway, the other day my partner said “sorry, I have a partner” instead of “no, I have a partner” to someone who tried to ask them out, and I got insecure because that’s MICROCHEATING
August 26, 2025 at 12:54 AM
monogamous people: I could never do polyamory because I don’t want to deal with jealousy… anyway, the other day my partner said “sorry, I have a partner” instead of “no, I have a partner” to someone who tried to ask them out, and I got insecure because that’s MICROCHEATING
A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?"
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
August 25, 2025 at 2:26 PM
A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?"
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
My answer: I would never tell someone directly that non-monogamy isn't for them, unless they were already considering it themselves.
Let me explain why 🧵
Missed my live event, ‘Polyamory for People Pleasers’? You can now purchase the workshop recording: www.patreon.com/posts/137255...
If you are a ticket holder, check your email - I sent the recording of the workshop immediately after it happened!
If you are a ticket holder, check your email - I sent the recording of the workshop immediately after it happened!
Polyamory For People Pleasers | Leanne Yau
Get more from Leanne Yau on Patreon
www.patreon.com
August 24, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Missed my live event, ‘Polyamory for People Pleasers’? You can now purchase the workshop recording: www.patreon.com/posts/137255...
If you are a ticket holder, check your email - I sent the recording of the workshop immediately after it happened!
If you are a ticket holder, check your email - I sent the recording of the workshop immediately after it happened!
If you find yourself thinking, “How am I not okay with this yet???” in your first year of trying out non-monogamy for the first time, my top advice is to just be patient with yourself.
August 24, 2025 at 1:07 PM
If you find yourself thinking, “How am I not okay with this yet???” in your first year of trying out non-monogamy for the first time, my top advice is to just be patient with yourself.
Breakups in polyamory are super wild because you feel like you've "failed" on multiple levels. Mononormativity tells us breakups=failure as it is, but the extra layer of fuckery is that now you feel like all the people who doubted you and told you polyamory never works were proven right.
August 21, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Breakups in polyamory are super wild because you feel like you've "failed" on multiple levels. Mononormativity tells us breakups=failure as it is, but the extra layer of fuckery is that now you feel like all the people who doubted you and told you polyamory never works were proven right.
A Black South African commenter on my Facebook post from the 6th of August stated that DL prey on “those who are eager to show ideological allegiance to marginalised people but without much familiarity with the nuances” - and I completely agree and wanted to expand on that.
August 15, 2025 at 2:38 PM
A Black South African commenter on my Facebook post from the 6th of August stated that DL prey on “those who are eager to show ideological allegiance to marginalised people but without much familiarity with the nuances” - and I completely agree and wanted to expand on that.