And now she actually hates me, sick, I’m nothing but a failure now and forever

Coward mindset wins again ggwp

The night sky is so enticingly dark tonight

It’s one thing being rejected, but it being for someone right besides you, time and time and time and time and time and time and time again, I’m so fucking sick of being worthless to the people I love I’m always so fucking worthless that they don’t even see me

The urge to grab a knife in the kitchen and just finally be at peace man

Just let me die in my sleep. I don’t care what happens next, I’m not needed by anyone so I’m worthless and that’s all there is to, living for yourself is not something I’m allowed to do so all I can do now is find someone else and go through the same miserable awful cycle or just kill myself

Utterly meaningless

Myself I’m useless in every sense of the word and that can never change so I’m just here, draining people’s energy and losing to mirror reflections of myself time and time and time and time and time and time and time again. I wish something could just snap in my body and I’d die on my own, it’s all

This life is so utterly wasted because all I can be is a useless stupid piece of shit and even if I kill myself ill never see my mum again its all just bullshit and I want to die I’m so sick of being alive I want to be killed I’m so fucking tired of lacking the commitment to do anything even to kill

Being at their lowest while I just sink even lower than everyone else. Its not fair but it’s also so fair, I just wish if god wanted to punish me so he would just kill me, I’m sick and tired of dragging across the years as a worthless piece of shit because that’s all I ever am and it’s all I can be

Never find anyone, who always tries to do things the proper way and is ignored for it. Ignored for not being weird enough, ignored for not being mean enough, and no matter how many times people will say I need to work on my mental state before finding someone everyone still finds people despite

Would never consider more but will consider someone wholly new or someone that’s just me but better or both. I hate this feeling, I don’t fucking know why I ever felt like I could be happy again, I don’t fucking know why I haven’t killed mystery yet, I don’t fucking know why it’s always me who can

Me, then she likes someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of me, and then she hates me, I can’t do this anymore this is the same situation 10 fucking times with different people who treat me as a friend and

Me, she doesn’t like me and he’s fine with taking my place despite only feeling this way for DAYS in comparison to the months Ive felt. It’s ALWAYS like this. She like someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of me, then she likes someone instead of

Dead. I want to take a bath with a toaster. I hate my life and I hate the people that constantly get in the way of me finding happiness including myself. I was so hopeful about this new year because as long as she needed me I felt like I could do anything, but she doesn’t need me, she doesn’t want

When Ive known for the better part of my life that I dont and never will deserve love and have always sabotaged myself to ensure I can’t succeed anywhere, and now that I’m feeling the affect of the sabotage I feel ill as if it’s not underkill because nothing will ever truly be just even after I’m