Doug Bayne
@rattleplank.bsky.social
Just letting you know that in an actual street fight, paper does not beat rock.
Hang on- these ‘Triple X buns’ are just hot cross buns turned 45 degrees.
November 26, 2025 at 1:20 AM
Hang on- these ‘Triple X buns’ are just hot cross buns turned 45 degrees.
You’d think taking a bird on an airplane would teach it some humility but no.
November 25, 2025 at 9:57 AM
You’d think taking a bird on an airplane would teach it some humility but no.
I’m trying to swear less so instead of calling people “cunt” I ask where I can hear their podcast.
November 25, 2025 at 9:31 AM
I’m trying to swear less so instead of calling people “cunt” I ask where I can hear their podcast.
Jump in puddles.
Tomorrow that water will be a cloud but now’s your chance to kick it while it’s down.
Tomorrow that water will be a cloud but now’s your chance to kick it while it’s down.
November 24, 2025 at 11:26 AM
Jump in puddles.
Tomorrow that water will be a cloud but now’s your chance to kick it while it’s down.
Tomorrow that water will be a cloud but now’s your chance to kick it while it’s down.
Is it just me who finds kids’ cakes creepy?
You love the little mermaid!
Now cut Ariel up and eat her.
No wonder our kids all grow up to be cannibals.
You love the little mermaid!
Now cut Ariel up and eat her.
No wonder our kids all grow up to be cannibals.
November 23, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Is it just me who finds kids’ cakes creepy?
You love the little mermaid!
Now cut Ariel up and eat her.
No wonder our kids all grow up to be cannibals.
You love the little mermaid!
Now cut Ariel up and eat her.
No wonder our kids all grow up to be cannibals.
People get so upset over words.
I don't even like to say the word "word".
I've been calling it the w-word
but that doesn't really solve the problem.
I don't even like to say the word "word".
I've been calling it the w-word
but that doesn't really solve the problem.
November 23, 2025 at 1:39 AM
People get so upset over words.
I don't even like to say the word "word".
I've been calling it the w-word
but that doesn't really solve the problem.
I don't even like to say the word "word".
I've been calling it the w-word
but that doesn't really solve the problem.
I don’t even know how you can call it a balloon.
It’s like 99% not balloon.
It’s like 99% not balloon.
November 22, 2025 at 10:48 PM
I don’t even know how you can call it a balloon.
It’s like 99% not balloon.
It’s like 99% not balloon.
Victor Frankenstein sews a bunch of body parts into a monster, brings it to life with electricity.
That monster’s name is Frankenstein.
I mean, what’s the option?
A really long hyphenated surname from all the graves Victor robbed?
That monster’s name is Frankenstein.
I mean, what’s the option?
A really long hyphenated surname from all the graves Victor robbed?
November 22, 2025 at 12:01 PM
Victor Frankenstein sews a bunch of body parts into a monster, brings it to life with electricity.
That monster’s name is Frankenstein.
I mean, what’s the option?
A really long hyphenated surname from all the graves Victor robbed?
That monster’s name is Frankenstein.
I mean, what’s the option?
A really long hyphenated surname from all the graves Victor robbed?
When baseball was invented we were probably fighting enemies with tiny heads.
November 22, 2025 at 5:13 AM
When baseball was invented we were probably fighting enemies with tiny heads.
I hate how we call animal organs "offal" like we were expecting them to be good.
November 22, 2025 at 5:12 AM
I hate how we call animal organs "offal" like we were expecting them to be good.
yeah, I would be really brave except none of my outfits go with medals.
November 18, 2025 at 5:54 AM
yeah, I would be really brave except none of my outfits go with medals.
It's weird that our money only works here, right?
Like... it’s money- It can get you pretty much anything but its one weakness is the ocean.
Like... it’s money- It can get you pretty much anything but its one weakness is the ocean.
November 18, 2025 at 2:53 AM
It's weird that our money only works here, right?
Like... it’s money- It can get you pretty much anything but its one weakness is the ocean.
Like... it’s money- It can get you pretty much anything but its one weakness is the ocean.
If life gives you scurvy,
that's kind of on you.
that's kind of on you.
November 16, 2025 at 7:10 AM
If life gives you scurvy,
that's kind of on you.
that's kind of on you.
a gold rush town, in the days before nuggets were chicken
November 14, 2025 at 10:11 PM
a gold rush town, in the days before nuggets were chicken
Met a pro surfer.
Now I'm pro-shark.
Now I'm pro-shark.
November 13, 2025 at 2:24 PM
Met a pro surfer.
Now I'm pro-shark.
Now I'm pro-shark.
If I was a tree I’d be pretty shitty at stick insects.
Get your own morphology.
Get your own morphology.
November 11, 2025 at 9:22 PM
If I was a tree I’d be pretty shitty at stick insects.
Get your own morphology.
Get your own morphology.
Carrots.
Real pretty shade of orange for something that was planning to spend its life underground.
You knew you were coming up.
Real pretty shade of orange for something that was planning to spend its life underground.
You knew you were coming up.
November 10, 2025 at 11:52 AM
Carrots.
Real pretty shade of orange for something that was planning to spend its life underground.
You knew you were coming up.
Real pretty shade of orange for something that was planning to spend its life underground.
You knew you were coming up.
Reposted by Doug Bayne
“Everything happens for a reason,” I explain as a small horse gives you a haircut
November 7, 2025 at 5:00 AM
“Everything happens for a reason,” I explain as a small horse gives you a haircut
The hottest food we know of?
It's called 'chili'.
Fuck you, somebody.
It's called 'chili'.
Fuck you, somebody.
November 10, 2025 at 5:27 AM
The hottest food we know of?
It's called 'chili'.
Fuck you, somebody.
It's called 'chili'.
Fuck you, somebody.
Brownies taste great, especially considering their big selling point is that they're brown.
November 9, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Brownies taste great, especially considering their big selling point is that they're brown.
You look worse and worse as you get older but cheer up- everyone looks cool when they’re a skeleton.
November 9, 2025 at 5:53 AM
You look worse and worse as you get older but cheer up- everyone looks cool when they’re a skeleton.