Reuters Pitchbot
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International world news for the capitalist class. Satirical. Parody account. Not Reuters.
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Democrats vow to get more misogynistic in appeal to voting-age men
May 28, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Democrats vow to get more misogynistic in appeal to voting-age men
Stocks open lower today as markets react to news of JD Vance killing the Pope
April 21, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Stocks open lower today as markets react to news of JD Vance killing the Pope
BREAKING: 400 countries in active trade negotiations with the US, trade advisor says
April 15, 2025 at 1:17 PM
BREAKING: 400 countries in active trade negotiations with the US, trade advisor says
Stocks up higher after President Trump encourages markets to "BE COOL"
April 9, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Stocks up higher after President Trump encourages markets to "BE COOL"
BREAKING: Conservatives begin boycott of stock markets, citing anti-Trump bias
April 8, 2025 at 6:59 PM
BREAKING: Conservatives begin boycott of stock markets, citing anti-Trump bias
BREAKING: US-backed President of South Korea Yoon Suk-yeol found guilty in martial law declaration, permanently removed from office
April 4, 2025 at 3:08 AM
BREAKING: US-backed President of South Korea Yoon Suk-yeol found guilty in martial law declaration, permanently removed from office
Opinion | Not everyone you disagree with is a “Nazi”
March 19, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Opinion | Not everyone you disagree with is a “Nazi”
Democrats vow to abandon new segment of their base every month until morale improves
March 7, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Democrats vow to abandon new segment of their base every month until morale improves
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis offers South Korean President Yoon political asylum
December 4, 2024 at 1:43 AM
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis offers South Korean President Yoon political asylum
Opinion | You can't even declare martial law these days with all the cancel culture going on.
by Yoon Suk-yeol
by Yoon Suk-yeol
December 3, 2024 at 9:40 PM
Opinion | You can't even declare martial law these days with all the cancel culture going on.
by Yoon Suk-yeol
by Yoon Suk-yeol
Markets soar as South Korean President declares military dictatorship
December 3, 2024 at 4:02 PM
Markets soar as South Korean President declares military dictatorship
US police departments across the nation say they won't be disciplining officers found to be on membership lists of right-wing extremist organizations, saying it would cause a severe manpower shortage in every department
November 22, 2024 at 5:06 PM
US police departments across the nation say they won't be disciplining officers found to be on membership lists of right-wing extremist organizations, saying it would cause a severe manpower shortage in every department
Israel accuses civilian targets of embedding inside civilian areas
November 21, 2024 at 8:14 PM
Israel accuses civilian targets of embedding inside civilian areas
The White House says the ICC arrest warrants against Israeli PM Netanyahu may scupper ongoing ceasefire negotiations that aren't actually happening
November 21, 2024 at 6:23 PM
The White House says the ICC arrest warrants against Israeli PM Netanyahu may scupper ongoing ceasefire negotiations that aren't actually happening