Thanks, I made it on the spot!

And that it's not betrayal to say no.

I'm tired of being a people-pleaser, but I'm scared of making anyone feel betrayed. I'm really scared.

Honestly I just wished I was told that it's fine to think about myself more, that the people who truly appreciate me will understand that I need time to myself and won't feel hurt over me not being available 24/7, and that I won't be guilt-tripped if I care about my own well-being.

I feel bad whenever I receive things too, because it means someone wasted their time, their efforts or even their money for me and I don't get why, and of course I don't want to refuse receiving things either, because that'd be hurtful. I *have* to give something in return or else I'm ashamed.

It's really difficult to change, tho. Anytime I say no to someone, I feel like a massive jerk. I feel like I'm letting people down and being egoistical. I was raised that way, being called selfish anytime I cared more about myself.

*virtue signaling

omg what a typo