Rob Gotobed
@robgotobed.bsky.social
Stand-up philosopher, scribe, bongo drummer and professional mermaid. Previously one half of Grammy Award-winning duo Simon & Garfunkel.
Amazon: bit.ly/4hA0B7W
Apple: http://bit.ly/3K6WdB9
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2992620/
Amazon: bit.ly/4hA0B7W
Apple: http://bit.ly/3K6WdB9
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2992620/
Just received the weirdest message on my computer!
January 12, 2026 at 8:58 AM
Just received the weirdest message on my computer!
Every Christmas, when I see Santa Claus for the first time, I always say, "Hi Santa, how long has it been?" And he always replies, “A year!
December 5, 2025 at 9:27 AM
Every Christmas, when I see Santa Claus for the first time, I always say, "Hi Santa, how long has it been?" And he always replies, “A year!
Remember when Queen performed 'Muppets Of The Universe', 'We Are The Muppets' and 'Tie Your Muppet Down' live on the Muppet Christmas Show? Or is that just another one of my weird dreams?
November 17, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Remember when Queen performed 'Muppets Of The Universe', 'We Are The Muppets' and 'Tie Your Muppet Down' live on the Muppet Christmas Show? Or is that just another one of my weird dreams?
Jack Daniels whiskey helping rock bands see magical leprechauns since 1875!
November 3, 2025 at 9:56 AM
Jack Daniels whiskey helping rock bands see magical leprechauns since 1875!
People always want to know how come I am such a good skier when I’ve never actually taken any skiing lessons!?!? Well, my success is all down to this vinyl record my grandad gave me.
October 13, 2025 at 10:06 AM
People always want to know how come I am such a good skier when I’ve never actually taken any skiing lessons!?!? Well, my success is all down to this vinyl record my grandad gave me.
My grandpa Beelzebub Gotobed is always complaining that the younger generation never shows the older generation any respect! Well, just to prove him wrong, here is my grandpa enjoying a special dish of his favourite steak and chips.
September 13, 2025 at 6:01 AM
My grandpa Beelzebub Gotobed is always complaining that the younger generation never shows the older generation any respect! Well, just to prove him wrong, here is my grandpa enjoying a special dish of his favourite steak and chips.
If ever a picture was worth a thousand words.
August 29, 2025 at 8:05 AM
If ever a picture was worth a thousand words.
Awoken last night by a commotion coming from the bathroom. When I went to investigate, I could not believe my eyes. I bet Andy from ‘Toy Story’ never had this trouble.
August 15, 2025 at 8:15 AM
Awoken last night by a commotion coming from the bathroom. When I went to investigate, I could not believe my eyes. I bet Andy from ‘Toy Story’ never had this trouble.
Well, it could have been worse. It could have been Trump trying to gatecrash my party!
August 2, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Well, it could have been worse. It could have been Trump trying to gatecrash my party!
My great-grandmother would have survived the sinking of the Titanic if she hadn’t spent three hours looking for a non-smoking lifeboat.
July 26, 2025 at 7:46 AM
My great-grandmother would have survived the sinking of the Titanic if she hadn’t spent three hours looking for a non-smoking lifeboat.
Remember the time I hypnotised Paul McCartney into thinking he was the Hulk!
July 16, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Remember the time I hypnotised Paul McCartney into thinking he was the Hulk!
The lost black and white classic Ingmar Bergman film, “The Seventh Muppet” has recently been restored and remastered. The film depicts the violence and the struggle of modern life through a game of chess played between a disillusioned Kermit The Frog and the figure of Death.
June 20, 2025 at 7:56 AM
The lost black and white classic Ingmar Bergman film, “The Seventh Muppet” has recently been restored and remastered. The film depicts the violence and the struggle of modern life through a game of chess played between a disillusioned Kermit The Frog and the figure of Death.
Have you seen the latest Donald Trump sex tape that's floating around? It’s sort of hard to follow. He keeps switching positions and chickening out every few seconds.
May 31, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Have you seen the latest Donald Trump sex tape that's floating around? It’s sort of hard to follow. He keeps switching positions and chickening out every few seconds.
Stand-up not going too well. Thinking of going in a different direction.
May 28, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Stand-up not going too well. Thinking of going in a different direction.
The girlfriend just asked me, "What's that pile of clothes doing on the bedroom floor?" ….I said, "It's a dead Jedi!!"
May 11, 2025 at 11:50 AM
The girlfriend just asked me, "What's that pile of clothes doing on the bedroom floor?" ….I said, "It's a dead Jedi!!"
Apparently they are very popular in Canada, China and Greenland.
April 24, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Apparently they are very popular in Canada, China and Greenland.
It's never illogical Captain to look absolutely fabulous!!
April 12, 2025 at 10:45 AM
It's never illogical Captain to look absolutely fabulous!!
I remember the day I put so much gasoline in my car I couldn't get in it!
March 23, 2025 at 11:17 AM
I remember the day I put so much gasoline in my car I couldn't get in it!
Just getting ready for my early morning shave.
March 1, 2025 at 1:32 PM
Just getting ready for my early morning shave.
Sorry I’m late posting today but I got told off for blocking the blowhole on Ed Sheeran’s inflatable dolphin.
February 11, 2025 at 1:26 PM
Sorry I’m late posting today but I got told off for blocking the blowhole on Ed Sheeran’s inflatable dolphin.
Today I phoned Mario Bros Plumbing to come and fix my toilet. They arrived in good time but just jumped in my toilet and disappeared. Didn't make any attempt to fix it! 0 out of 5 stars!!
January 29, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Today I phoned Mario Bros Plumbing to come and fix my toilet. They arrived in good time but just jumped in my toilet and disappeared. Didn't make any attempt to fix it! 0 out of 5 stars!!
WAITER: Sir, do you have any allergies we should know about?
ROB: Yes, I have an allergy to peanuts.
CHARLIE BROWN: Let's go, Snoopy. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here.
ROB: Yes, I have an allergy to peanuts.
CHARLIE BROWN: Let's go, Snoopy. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here.
January 17, 2025 at 12:46 PM
WAITER: Sir, do you have any allergies we should know about?
ROB: Yes, I have an allergy to peanuts.
CHARLIE BROWN: Let's go, Snoopy. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here.
ROB: Yes, I have an allergy to peanuts.
CHARLIE BROWN: Let's go, Snoopy. It’s obvious we’re not welcome here.
I’d forgotten how young I look in this picture.
この写真では自分がどれだけ若く見えるか忘れていました。
この写真では自分がどれだけ若く見えるか忘れていました。
January 8, 2025 at 5:45 PM
I’d forgotten how young I look in this picture.
この写真では自分がどれだけ若く見えるか忘れていました。
この写真では自分がどれだけ若く見えるか忘れていました。
Cooked my first Japanese meal today. I cooked mushroom gyozas and chicken yaki udon noodles with a soy and ginger dip sauce. Delicious!!
今日は初めての日本食を作りました。 きのこ餃子と鶏焼きうどんをしょうが醤油で作りました。 美味しい！！
今日は初めての日本食を作りました。 きのこ餃子と鶏焼きうどんをしょうが醤油で作りました。 美味しい！！
January 4, 2025 at 11:35 AM
Cooked my first Japanese meal today. I cooked mushroom gyozas and chicken yaki udon noodles with a soy and ginger dip sauce. Delicious!!
今日は初めての日本食を作りました。 きのこ餃子と鶏焼きうどんをしょうが醤油で作りました。 美味しい！！
今日は初めての日本食を作りました。 きのこ餃子と鶏焼きうどんをしょうが醤油で作りました。 美味しい！！
One of my sister’s kids has just brought me two bottles of bourbon and said, "Here's your Christmas juice uncle Rob," and now she's the one I'm leaving everything to.
December 22, 2024 at 8:42 AM
One of my sister’s kids has just brought me two bottles of bourbon and said, "Here's your Christmas juice uncle Rob," and now she's the one I'm leaving everything to.