i hope we can at least sit and do a puzzle sometime this week. that would be enough. i have two beautiful puzzles to do but i want to do them with him. i miss him. i brought my ipad and my book to bed to entertain me until i sleep. i hope tomorrow is a bit better. i miss him.

it hurts me to see him hurting when we can't connect because illness is in the way. if that makes sense. we can't even sleep in the same room right now. i miss him. renal failure is so difficult. i miss him.

i feel like such a failure of a wife

crying a little bit in my bedroom and then i will be okay. the emotional labour of it all. i don't want to be bad

i just miss when i could also focus on me a little bit. that's all. today is just hard. but i cherish the work and i cherish the time. does this make sense? i hope it does

[ not about my husband at all ]