But I also hate staying “home”… since it’s too cluttered and my parents kinda annoy me.
I just wanna isolate myself from everything and cuddle my bunnies and never participate in reality again.

And I miss Krauser from Resident Evil 4. 😭

To me, nobody else feels real. Reality doesn’t feel real. It feels like a joke that I’m not understanding. Or maybe I’m just too weird to get anything, but it’s legitimately so fucking bad to be part of reality.
Everything is miserable.
The only good thing about life is my bunnies. I wanna stay home

Life is never going to get better. It will stay mediocre or get worse. But I’m never going to be happy. And it sucks. I’m so whiny,,, everyone else has it bad too or worse,,, but I should still get to complain and be a bit self-centered… how is everyone just putting up with living like this??

Also Christmas time in general fuels the depression and I don’t fucking want to celebrate anymore. I just wanna rot in bed and cry by myself.

Forcing you to work,,, doesn’t solve anything.

Just one more week and then I get to stay home throughout Christmas to New Years,,, but afterwards I’ll be forced to go back to work.
And by then I’ll have forgotten everything about the work and names of colleagues cuz my brain sucks.

How am I supposed to move out and get better and enjoy being alive, if the state actively encourages you to stay miserable??

This world is horrible. I just wanna have a good time whilst I’m forced to exist, but I hate how things are going.

I’m not making any improvements.
I still want to die.

It’s utter bullshit.
I might as well get a real job with minimum wage, if I’m already wasting five hours every day of the week feeling like a stranger.

1,50€ an hour ain’t fucking lit, even if I get Bürgergeld financial aid… they don’t cover the whole rent, stuff is too expensive.

First I was too burned out and not in the mood to draw,,, now I legit don’t even have the time or energy for anything.
And my dishes at home are piling up cuz I can no longer clean them during the day n I’m too exhausted in the afternoon,,, but I be cleaning the dishes at work to stay busy…

Just gotta get through Friday n then the weekend will be for sleeping.

Still,,, earning 1,50€ an hour is abysmal,,,,,
multiply by 5 and then subtract the Spritzgebäck (pastries) I had for breakfast and it’s all a waste…

I wouldn’t need breakfast, if I wouldn’t have to start work so early…

Also it totally feels like an internship… so I should be happy bout payment…

Also feel sick, like throwing up.

Big sis told me about how two toddlers at the kindergarten she works at puked whilst on a walk.

And now my body is all: ya know what? Valid, relatable, how about we throw up as well?

So glad this stuff is only until 1 pm but also I still gotta go to my granny afterwards cuz it’s her birthday,,,,
and I miss my bunnies :(

The old folks here are talking about rabbit meat to eat and I’m so offended. Poor buns.

It was dark at 7, so we went to buy breakfast first. Lights turned on 15 mins later, everyone who’s here is sipping coffee, so it prolly starts around 7:30 am. So I don’t have to get up so early after all. 😩

I mean, if we finish at 13:00 and we do a 30 minute breakfast break… starting at 7:30 would make the most sense, cuz I’m only allowed to work 5 hours a day and they don’t do overtime cuz it’s not a job it’s an AGH.

But what if I get chewed out for being stupid?

It’s not a job. They can’t fire me.

I’m literally contemplating just breaking some bones in my body. I can’t fucking do this anymore. It’s only been a day and I want to die. But I can’t die cuz I need to pet my bunnies,,, so I gotta figure out some other way out.

I didn’t wear gloves,,, cuz I hate wearing gloves,,, but now my fingernails are all gross and no amount of scrubbing will wash away the horrors.