Secret Ward of Chicago
@secretwardchicago.bsky.social
Official Account of The Secret Ward of Chicago. Greetings, and tell no one.
https://thesecretward.substack.com/
https://thesecretward.substack.com/
Ahem.
Hello!
I have been informed that our newsletter is, in a way, a "small business", quite in comparison to Branham Intercorporated, which is financially classified as an "unknowable enormity".
Subscribe below for more, at a free or paid tier, whichever suits you best.
Numquam Eternus
- SWC
Hello!
I have been informed that our newsletter is, in a way, a "small business", quite in comparison to Branham Intercorporated, which is financially classified as an "unknowable enormity".
Subscribe below for more, at a free or paid tier, whichever suits you best.
Numquam Eternus
- SWC
The Secret Ward | Kevin Sciretta | Substack
Greetings, neighbor, and welcome to Chicago's Secret Ward! A place in Chicago, of Chicago, throughout Chicago and completely hidden from the rest of Chicago. Most of the time. Enjoy! Click to read The...
thesecretward.substack.com
November 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Ahem.
Hello!
I have been informed that our newsletter is, in a way, a "small business", quite in comparison to Branham Intercorporated, which is financially classified as an "unknowable enormity".
Subscribe below for more, at a free or paid tier, whichever suits you best.
Numquam Eternus
- SWC
Hello!
I have been informed that our newsletter is, in a way, a "small business", quite in comparison to Branham Intercorporated, which is financially classified as an "unknowable enormity".
Subscribe below for more, at a free or paid tier, whichever suits you best.
Numquam Eternus
- SWC
Happy Night Before Thanksgiving from The Secret Ward of Chicago.
We hope it's a beaut.
We hope it's a beaut.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Late Edition - November 26, 2025 - Night Before Thanksgiving Commemorative
In Which We Laud One Of the Most Underrated Nights of the Year
open.substack.com
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Happy Night Before Thanksgiving from The Secret Ward of Chicago.
We hope it's a beaut.
We hope it's a beaut.
Happy Pride, everyone.
June 29, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Happy Pride, everyone.
Happy Pride from The Secret Ward of Chicago.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - June 27, 2025
Happy Pride from the Secret Ward of Chicago
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June 27, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Happy Pride from The Secret Ward of Chicago.
We watch Pride Parade prep in this week's Early Edition, courtesy of labor laws and horchata.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - June 17, 2025
Mountain Lions, Parade "Floats" and Horchata
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June 17, 2025 at 7:56 PM
We watch Pride Parade prep in this week's Early Edition, courtesy of labor laws and horchata.
Can concert posters trigger an existential crisis? Sure why not.
Concert news, helpful tips, and a look into what binds us to the fabric of this reality.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff.
Concert news, helpful tips, and a look into what binds us to the fabric of this reality.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - June 13, 2025
Summer Concert News
open.substack.com
June 13, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Can concert posters trigger an existential crisis? Sure why not.
Concert news, helpful tips, and a look into what binds us to the fabric of this reality.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff.
Concert news, helpful tips, and a look into what binds us to the fabric of this reality.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff.
In this week’s Early Edition, a discussion with a barista at Rune Mug on the 44th floor of the Ward’s tallest building that in many ways seems to come from nowhere.
Read and enjoy for free and tell no one.
- The SWC Staff
Read and enjoy for free and tell no one.
- The SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - June 11, 2025
What's Howling, Jack?
thesecretward.substack.com
June 11, 2025 at 6:28 PM
In this week’s Early Edition, a discussion with a barista at Rune Mug on the 44th floor of the Ward’s tallest building that in many ways seems to come from nowhere.
Read and enjoy for free and tell no one.
- The SWC Staff
Read and enjoy for free and tell no one.
- The SWC Staff
Our Farmers Market markets somewhere in time this weekend. Find out about it's ownership succession practices here, and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
- SWC Staff
In which the line of succession for The Farmers Market turns back on itself through a bracing and welcome moment of self-awareness.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - June 6, 2025
The Farmers Market, Refusal, and Acceptance
open.substack.com
June 7, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Our Farmers Market markets somewhere in time this weekend. Find out about it's ownership succession practices here, and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
- SWC Staff
In which the line of succession for The Farmers Market turns back on itself through a bracing and welcome moment of self-awareness.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - June 6, 2025
The Farmers Market, Refusal, and Acceptance
open.substack.com
June 6, 2025 at 6:39 PM
In which the line of succession for The Farmers Market turns back on itself through a bracing and welcome moment of self-awareness.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
The SWC Staff
Today’s Early Editions features some highlights of the past week’s Garden Walk, which featured gifts, rescues, and drink tickets as a tool for connecting us to reality. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - May 28, 2025
Snapshots from a Garden Walk
open.substack.com
May 28, 2025 at 6:56 PM
Today’s Early Editions features some highlights of the past week’s Garden Walk, which featured gifts, rescues, and drink tickets as a tool for connecting us to reality. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
- SWC Staff
We thank @corruptedgem.bsky.social for respecting our long-held policy of utter secrecy.
I wish I could tell you that you should be reading the Secret Ward of Chicago because it’s one of the best newsletters of the most esoteric Chicago ward out there (and extremely funny and clever!), but since I CAN’T tell you that per civic restrictions…pretend I didn’t say anything 👀
The following is a transcript of Green Carpet coverage at the Garibaldi Manor Garden Walk, courtesy of our friends at Channel 109 TV, hosted by Channel 109's Kaitleen Moirenpeck and Burv Weasels.
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
May 24, 2025 at 4:21 PM
We thank @corruptedgem.bsky.social for respecting our long-held policy of utter secrecy.
The following is a transcript of Green Carpet coverage at the Garibaldi Manor Garden Walk, courtesy of our friends at Channel 109 TV, hosted by Channel 109's Kaitleen Moirenpeck and Burv Weasels.
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Garibaldi Garden Walk Edition
Live from the Green Carpet: A Transcript
open.substack.com
May 23, 2025 at 6:06 PM
The following is a transcript of Green Carpet coverage at the Garibaldi Manor Garden Walk, courtesy of our friends at Channel 109 TV, hosted by Channel 109's Kaitleen Moirenpeck and Burv Weasels.
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and say "aw dang" because you missed going and then tell no one.
- SWC Staff
A conversation with House Garibaldi Advisor and cousin to the Alderman Castellanos Garibaldi regarding Garden sensitivity and the necessity of precaution when living as a harbinger of doom.
Enjoy and tell no one - SWC Staff
Enjoy and tell no one - SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - May 21, 2025
Prelude to a Garden Walk, From Above
open.substack.com
May 21, 2025 at 6:48 PM
A conversation with House Garibaldi Advisor and cousin to the Alderman Castellanos Garibaldi regarding Garden sensitivity and the necessity of precaution when living as a harbinger of doom.
Enjoy and tell no one - SWC Staff
Enjoy and tell no one - SWC Staff
Catch up on all the thoughts and reactions to the Most Chicagoin' Pope that every Papal'd here.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Special The Pope Is From Chicago Edition
DAAAAAAAH POPE
thesecretward.substack.com
May 10, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Catch up on all the thoughts and reactions to the Most Chicagoin' Pope that every Papal'd here.
THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO. REPEAT. THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO
Your thoughts and reactions HERE.
WE HAVE A POPE AND HE PROBABLY MET BOZO THE CLOWN.
Your thoughts and reactions HERE.
WE HAVE A POPE AND HE PROBABLY MET BOZO THE CLOWN.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Special The Pope Is From Chicago Edition
DAAAAAAAH POPE
open.substack.com
May 8, 2025 at 7:58 PM
THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO. REPEAT. THE POPE IS FROM CHICAGO
Your thoughts and reactions HERE.
WE HAVE A POPE AND HE PROBABLY MET BOZO THE CLOWN.
Your thoughts and reactions HERE.
WE HAVE A POPE AND HE PROBABLY MET BOZO THE CLOWN.
The Secret Ward Early Edition is live, and features a quick chat with Urban Planning Sommelier Kendra Flats about this year’s Garibaldi Manor Garden Walk.
Read for free below, and then tell no one, as our Ward is a Secret.
- SWC Staff
Read for free below, and then tell no one, as our Ward is a Secret.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - May 7, 2025
Garden Walk Prep Continues
open.substack.com
May 7, 2025 at 6:31 PM
The Secret Ward Early Edition is live, and features a quick chat with Urban Planning Sommelier Kendra Flats about this year’s Garibaldi Manor Garden Walk.
Read for free below, and then tell no one, as our Ward is a Secret.
- SWC Staff
Read for free below, and then tell no one, as our Ward is a Secret.
- SWC Staff
SWC for this week is live and discusses Street Closure Closure, new rules at our Unbelievably Large Libraries and helpful hints on how to pick a Pope.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - May 2, 2025
Regarding Street Closure Closure, Updated Library Rules and How To Pick a Pope
open.substack.com
May 2, 2025 at 6:32 PM
SWC for this week is live and discusses Street Closure Closure, new rules at our Unbelievably Large Libraries and helpful hints on how to pick a Pope.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Reposted by Secret Ward of Chicago
I legit heard a bicycle bell ding at the end of this one.
Our Early Edition is out, and with it tips & tricks on proper Bike maintenance and worship.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - April 30, 2025
Tips and Tricks Regarding Bike Maintenance and Worship
open.substack.com
April 30, 2025 at 8:17 PM
I legit heard a bicycle bell ding at the end of this one.
Our Early Edition is out, and with it tips & tricks on proper Bike maintenance and worship.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - April 30, 2025
Tips and Tricks Regarding Bike Maintenance and Worship
open.substack.com
April 30, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Our Early Edition is out, and with it tips & tricks on proper Bike maintenance and worship.
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
Read and enjoy and tell no one.
SWC Staff
Our April 25th, 2025 edition is live, and concerns baseball, ghost ships, the arts, large bones and...a Seagull.
Subscribe now to read and enjoy and keep this secret from everyone.
- SWC Staff
Subscribe now to read and enjoy and keep this secret from everyone.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - April 25, 2025
"If You Show the Audience a Seagull in Act One, by the End of the Play It Better Have a Hot Dog." - Anton Chekov
open.substack.com
April 25, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Our April 25th, 2025 edition is live, and concerns baseball, ghost ships, the arts, large bones and...a Seagull.
Subscribe now to read and enjoy and keep this secret from everyone.
- SWC Staff
Subscribe now to read and enjoy and keep this secret from everyone.
- SWC Staff
Our Early Edition for this week is live, and features a response from the other side of a culinary award group schism previously discussed in our Weekend Edition.
It also involves a Phantom who interrupts in a Chicago accent.
Free to all. DON'T TELL ANYBAHDY see what I mean?
- The SWC Staff
It also involves a Phantom who interrupts in a Chicago accent.
Free to all. DON'T TELL ANYBAHDY see what I mean?
- The SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - Early Edition - April 22, 2025
The Other Side of a Culinary Schism Responds
open.substack.com
April 22, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Our Early Edition for this week is live, and features a response from the other side of a culinary award group schism previously discussed in our Weekend Edition.
It also involves a Phantom who interrupts in a Chicago accent.
Free to all. DON'T TELL ANYBAHDY see what I mean?
- The SWC Staff
It also involves a Phantom who interrupts in a Chicago accent.
Free to all. DON'T TELL ANYBAHDY see what I mean?
- The SWC Staff
Our Weekend Edition is available for anyone who needs an Easter distraction/escape plan.
This post is a Ward service free to all. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
This post is a Ward service free to all. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newletter - Weekend Edition - April 19, 2025
For Those Trapped At Easter
open.substack.com
April 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Our Weekend Edition is available for anyone who needs an Easter distraction/escape plan.
This post is a Ward service free to all. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
This post is a Ward service free to all. Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Our Early Edition is up, and covers the data breach that has flooded the Business District, causing both delays and awkward conversations pertaining to sensitive information currently clogging the streets.
This post is free to all. Read and tell no one, although this breach probably already did.
This post is free to all. Read and tell no one, although this breach probably already did.
The Secret Ward of Chicago - Early Edition - April 8, 2025
Data Breach Closes Off Streets in Business District
open.substack.com
April 15, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Our Early Edition is up, and covers the data breach that has flooded the Business District, causing both delays and awkward conversations pertaining to sensitive information currently clogging the streets.
This post is free to all. Read and tell no one, although this breach probably already did.
This post is free to all. Read and tell no one, although this breach probably already did.
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter is live, and considers Garden Walks, continued Howling and the Power of Friendship.
Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter - April 11, 2025
The Ward Garden Walk, The Howling and The Power of Friendship As a Last Resort
thesecretward.substack.com
April 11, 2025 at 9:27 PM
The Secret Ward of Chicago Newsletter is live, and considers Garden Walks, continued Howling and the Power of Friendship.
Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff
Enjoy and tell no one.
- SWC Staff