it's weird going back through the posts of something like this because i'm so fundamentally timeline driven for my narrative that even though i mention absolutely nothing of consequence i know exactly what each one of these crash outs were

i regret this thought in a way i didn’t think possible

maybe i’m wrong. maybe they do. that’s actually worse. god that’s so much worse

people like me rarely even get a first chance, let alone a second. it is an achievement to have done it honestly and with everything i could be. i may lose, but my demons didn’t win. that will have to be enough

i ruin everything

it is truly comical that this is the only safe place

i say shit like “i wish i knew why i was like this” but we know. knowing doesn’t change anything