How did you wake up on your 35th birthday:

Uneaten McGriddle in the microwave

Toilet brush on the floor

Lady Gaga's 2017 halftime show projected on the wall

if the president’s lackeys can functionally seize control of treasury funds and dismantle a congressionally-created agency without consequence, it’s not that it’s a constitutional crisis as much as it means the constitution is vapor.

CNY Day 2: "New Year, new me!"
*pours half a bottle of wine and turns on 'The Substance'*

"I wonder if they do much in Thailand for Christmas." *Tuktuk blaring Mariah Carey screams by*

Singing Lana Del Rey's "Blue Jeans" first thing in the morning, hungover, like a sad waffle house waitress.

So like, can I post my Sex Educator content here without Zucky shadowbanning me and Elon calling me a groomer? Cuz that'd be pretty awesome.