In my teens, I kept my mirror spray-painted black so that I didn't have to see my reflection when I wasn't feeling up to the dissonance it created. I don't mind mirrors so much nowadays, I'm starting to finally see myself in them.

But I like seeing other people be happy and comfortable in their own skin. I'm getting there, myself. I think the chest surgery will help a lot, the T certainly has, I love my voice now, I love the subtle changes to my face.

But. I still enjoy watching reels that feature women finding their dream dress or trying out new makeup looks they like. On some level, I envy them a little bc there's no real equivalent for me yet? Part of my journey was understanding why I didn't experience joy from those things myself, in fact.

Edit: eventually, I learned to view our species with wonder. It's amazing, the things we've accomplished despite being, yes, just animals in suits. Art and music and the space program, splitting the atom, smart phones, the internet. What a miraculous thing we are, sometimes.

That was a struggle, fitting that understanding into everyday life.

For me, the experience wasn't "oh how awful, I was attacked" it was, "I knew what human flesh tasted like when I was 14 years old and was somehow expected to act normal despite the understanding, deep down, that humans are just animals who wear clothing."

into thinking they can't possibly do any harm at all.

The truth is, we're all capable of terrible things. Most live the kind of life where they never have to learn what else their teeth and nails can do, or why humans have such sharp teeth at all. We're still primates, underneath it all.

I'm honored that I could be that, for him and a few others.

I don't think it would have been possible if I hadn't recognized there was something genuinely frightening inside me and made the choice early on to keep a close eye on it. I think a lot of harm is done by people who delude themselves

And it was a very important lesson to have, at that point in time.

I had a friend ages ago who came to me after a play session had gone very, very wrong. I was his "safe" person. I cherish that, I'm glad he had somewhere/someone who could restore his sense of security,

That's a problem regardless of your orientation or preferences, and I think the fear it put in me of the very real harm I could do if I didn't box up that aspect of myself with a quickness wound up being more of a problem than it needed to be, but. I also think it was ultimately for the best.

when play-fighting or whatever. I was still learning the rules & where the lines needed to be drawn (gravitating to bdsm in later life helped me get a better handle on all of that, but that was years away at that point)

In bdsm terms, I hit feral space immediately and instinctively.

That's nice.

But also, no one elected Elon Musk and he should be fired.

Since you won't take ad money to share the message I'm just going to post this on all of your articles today.